The Student Room Group

Help i've burnt....

ok this is what happening,

my parents are out with family friends, and theyll be back any minute so i need your help

see, i volunteer on my sister's softball team (im 22 the girls are 15)

and whatever, i met this girl, her name is Alison, and were going out for a while. We have a lot in common, and sometimes i help her with homework. i helped her with her english essay and she still got a D... this is because her teacher is a prick... anywayz

so she came over like an hour ago, and i really want to lose my virginity, so i ask her to have sex

"no no i cant, its not right" she said, but i told her "dont worry, i know what im doing, ill be done in like 10 seconds, plus ill give you 2 n64 games if you say yes."

So then I gave her Diddy Kong Racing and Ken Griffy Jr. Baseball and we went up to my room. she is a bit confused and scared.

then i think to myself- yo i need lube, right? cuz i heard other people saying you need to lube up her clit otherwise it wont fit in properly.

ok so i have no lube, but i really want to lose my virginity, so i grab some butter from the fridge, but its cold and it wont melt, so i microwaved it for 8 minutes and i put it in a glass and poured it on her cooter, and now shes saying i burned it.

i dont know what to do, my parents are going to be back any minute and shes crying in the bathroom plz help you guys are really smart please help me.

any idea how to shut her up? should i give her another n64 game?
Reply 1
You've done this one before!
Reply 2
Ha ha ha, I am dying!

To be honest I think you might need to consider donating a PS2 game.
get help, now.

and I mean in the head.
Reply 4
:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
Reply 5
butter? :confused:
What the *****. You undeniable bastard. You deserve everything that's coming to you.
Reply 7
Evil-Tuna
butter? :confused:


Was it I can't believe it's not butter?
Or is this a joke? Course it is. Must be. Why didn't I pick up on it before?
Reply 9
If you were in front of me now, I'd slap you and kick you in the nuts and throw anything within reach at you, be they mugs or books. At least the poor girl didn't lose her virginity to you, you ******. For someone who's 22 you're so unbelievably immature. I hope either you grow up fast or no woman ever be stupid enough to date you. If you're so desperate go shag a prostitute - at least you're not ruining anyone's innocence then. A girl's body and private parts are more important than a bloody game you tw*t. And you don't even care about her, do you!? You're not even sorry you've burnt her! "How to shut her up"!!!?? And of all people you choose a 15-year-old? Can't you at least have gone to a club and had a ONS with someone more your age and at least knows what on earth is happening?

I would slap you so hard right now. I hope your parents come home and chuck you out of the house and strip you of all your clothes before they lock the bloody door. Wanna lose it that badly? Well, now you can, you won't even have trousers being in the way.
Reply 10
Jesus Christ, are some people really so incapable of actually reading this instead of taking it at face value?
Well, there you go...