saving our relationship

me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly two years. Lately we have been having some major and frequent arguments, everytime we have an arguement and sort it out it takes such stress on both of us and tonight we had another arguement. Our arguments are usually minor and tonight it started over him being moody on the phone with me and then when he picked me up and took me home i started thinking our relationship is getting really bad, i dont want to talk to him some times for fear of him getting angry with me. When we got to where we were going he was like whats the matter and gave me a big cuddle but i still couldnt shake the feeling that something is wrong, i then asked him if he still feels close to me how we did in the early days (like the last year and a half before the arguements) he said no, and that the arguements are forcing us apart. Then we had a big arguement i cant even remember what it was about as i am still upset and it was such a small thing. he stormed out of my house and i called him and we talked and he said he doesnt know what he wants to do and i agreed. I want to stay with him because i feel like he is the "one" i know it sounds silly but i love him so much and i couldn't imagine life without him and i dont want to lose him. he has to work tomorrow so we are meeting up after he finishes and i dont know what to say, whenever i say i want us to stay together but stop the arguing he will say yeah so do i but we always say that and we still argue. I want to know what to say, sorry if this post sounds a bit like im rambling but i am upset at the moment so please forgive me, i just need a solution to this pain im feeling at the moment. Thank you in advance.XxX

Reply 1

username47781

20

What you need to do is when you are both calm, you both need to talk it over and find out why you are arguing so much and what is the cause even if its over small petty things and then perhaps find a way of stopping it happening in future, whether you discuss it at home or say at the pub is entirely up to you.

Reply 2

Laika

1

This is very common for around the two year mark. How much time do you spend together? If it's a lot try and cut back and take a little break from spending so much time together for a few weeks. It will help to remind you both what you appreciate about eachother and allow time to cool off.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

yeah we have been doing that for a bit and then he went on holiday and i really thought id miss him loads and be sad but i wasnt i spent more time with my friends and had fun. when he come back i said ah i didnt miss you as much as i thought i would and tonight he has twisted it saying i said i had a great time while he was gone :frown:

itsssss sooooooooooo hard i love him so much bt i cant stand much more of the arguing and i know he cant either :frown:

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

Wow - that's proper deja vu.

Had exactly the same situation before with the 'coming back from holiday and other half not missing me as much as they thought they would' thing. It wasn't long ago, either. It's natural for you as the person at home to not miss the person on holiday as much as they miss you.

The arguments over petty things sound familiar too. I'm still with my girlfriend though, and I plan for it to stay that way as I love her very much! Sometimes you have to let your pride take a hit in a relationship. If you're two very proud people then maybe that is what's causing you to become distant, I don't know.

Your relationship sounds robust - I'm sure you can steer through this rough patch if that's what you want to do.

Reply 5

matt@internet

12

Better to have lots of small arguments, than let it build up to something big.

Reply 6

Dragon24

17

A relationship without arguments is obviously one with a problem due to lack of communication. Don't worry and just tell your fella that you really love him and want it to work. Sometimes you just have to bite your tongue as arguments can make it ten times worse.

Reply 7

befskulls

Instead of concentrating on the little things that span into arguments why don't both of you think back to all of the things that you used to love about eachother and concentrate on enjoying those instead?

saving our relationship

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