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hi
basically my bf, or ex now, has just gone to italy for a year. we had been going out for 1 and a half years, met in halls in first year. i really love him, and i had suspicisions that he might be 'the one'. but cos we were so young, and not very experienced in love or relationships, i thought we should use this year to see other people and realise how great we are together, and get back together in the summer.
so in the last couple of weeks we've pulled one other person each, and it is hurting each of us really badly. i spose it hurt him more so, but i'm really scared that i'm gonna lose him for good now, cos he's that angry with me. he says he doesn't want to act like cares at all for me, or he'll get hurt again.
it's getting really bad, that i'm considering to ask if we should just go back out, and forget the plan.
i dunno also how u know if he is the one, i mean we are only 20, but i really don't want to do something stupid like carry this plan out to the end and totally ruin everything!
any advice would be great! i have talk to so many people for hours about it, but i still am really confused...
thanku!!
xxxx
basically my bf, or ex now, has just gone to italy for a year. we had been going out for 1 and a half years, met in halls in first year. i really love him, and i had suspicisions that he might be 'the one'. but cos we were so young, and not very experienced in love or relationships, i thought we should use this year to see other people and realise how great we are together, and get back together in the summer.
so in the last couple of weeks we've pulled one other person each, and it is hurting each of us really badly. i spose it hurt him more so, but i'm really scared that i'm gonna lose him for good now, cos he's that angry with me. he says he doesn't want to act like cares at all for me, or he'll get hurt again.
it's getting really bad, that i'm considering to ask if we should just go back out, and forget the plan.
i dunno also how u know if he is the one, i mean we are only 20, but i really don't want to do something stupid like carry this plan out to the end and totally ruin everything!
any advice would be great! i have talk to so many people for hours about it, but i still am really confused...
thanku!!
xxxx
Can I ask why you decided to both go and get with other people? Were you having problems in the first place? It's just I'm wondering if there's some other reason for you both deciding to find other people than not being experienced in love and relationships. It seems quite a drastic move to take, and perhaps may indicate that you're feelings for each other aren't quite as strong as you believe them to be.
Also, why did it hurt him more if you were both equal? It seems like you were both in the same place initially, you both got with another person, and so you're both equal, apart from the fact that he's acting more hurt by the situation.
In my opinion, a plan as drastic as that never looked too good in the first place. If you really want to be with someone, you wouldn't go splitting up and looking for others. Maybe it signified something much larger than just being inexperienced at relationships...
Also, why did it hurt him more if you were both equal? It seems like you were both in the same place initially, you both got with another person, and so you're both equal, apart from the fact that he's acting more hurt by the situation.
In my opinion, a plan as drastic as that never looked too good in the first place. If you really want to be with someone, you wouldn't go splitting up and looking for others. Maybe it signified something much larger than just being inexperienced at relationships...
well i spose they were selfish reasons.
1 during holidays, wen we went home, it just hurt so much that we couldn't be together, like physical pain and i coudn't think about anything else except when he would phone or i would phone.
2 i spose i am quite clingy and when i am with him, i don't really have much time for anything else but him, so i wanted to change me, and it would be easier if he wasn't there.
3 i'm also scared that we'd just keep going out, get married and then someone might have an affair cos of boredom cos we didn't appreciate how good we had it. - ok that one is a bit stupid.
4. also we argue bout stupid things, i think we've got into a bit of a rut, and it would be nice to have a break, but even tho we argue so much, the rest of the time makes up for it.
it hurt him more because he pulled a total random in a club, drunk, and i think he did it just randomly, and i knew the guy i pulled a while ago, and phoned him up esp to see him, not with the intention of pulling tho.
thanx for ure opinion. i'm starting to think it was a stupid plan too, but every1 i've explained ti too, thinks it is a good idea...maybe i sold it too well to them!
xxxx
1 during holidays, wen we went home, it just hurt so much that we couldn't be together, like physical pain and i coudn't think about anything else except when he would phone or i would phone.
2 i spose i am quite clingy and when i am with him, i don't really have much time for anything else but him, so i wanted to change me, and it would be easier if he wasn't there.
3 i'm also scared that we'd just keep going out, get married and then someone might have an affair cos of boredom cos we didn't appreciate how good we had it. - ok that one is a bit stupid.
4. also we argue bout stupid things, i think we've got into a bit of a rut, and it would be nice to have a break, but even tho we argue so much, the rest of the time makes up for it.
it hurt him more because he pulled a total random in a club, drunk, and i think he did it just randomly, and i knew the guy i pulled a while ago, and phoned him up esp to see him, not with the intention of pulling tho.
thanx for ure opinion. i'm starting to think it was a stupid plan too, but every1 i've explained ti too, thinks it is a good idea...maybe i sold it too well to them!
xxxx
kyanya
Can I ask why you decided to both go and get with other people? Were you having problems in the first place? It's just I'm wondering if there's some other reason for you both deciding to find other people than not being experienced in love and relationships. It seems quite a drastic move to take, and perhaps may indicate that you're feelings for each other aren't quite as strong as you believe them to be.
Also, why did it hurt him more if you were both equal? It seems like you were both in the same place initially, you both got with another person, and so you're both equal, apart from the fact that he's acting more hurt by the situation.
In my opinion, a plan as drastic as that never looked too good in the first place. If you really want to be with someone, you wouldn't go splitting up and looking for others. Maybe it signified something much larger than just being inexperienced at relationships...
Also, why did it hurt him more if you were both equal? It seems like you were both in the same place initially, you both got with another person, and so you're both equal, apart from the fact that he's acting more hurt by the situation.
In my opinion, a plan as drastic as that never looked too good in the first place. If you really want to be with someone, you wouldn't go splitting up and looking for others. Maybe it signified something much larger than just being inexperienced at relationships...
agree thats a good question interesting to know why!
I think what you needed to do was take the relationship alot slower and step by step, also i think breaking up over the holiday wasn't a good idea especially as once you come back to uni you would have surely seen him again.
Maybe you two need to talk and decide what you both really want.
Maybe you two need to talk and decide what you both really want.
no, he's only just gone. unless we get on better terms during the next year, and i see him during the holidays, i won't see him till the summer
is it incredibly harsh to want to waste time by pulling random people, waiting for him to come back? i spose i also miss being single...
but i don't want to lose him....arghhhhhhh
but i don't want to lose him....arghhhhhhh
fairycakes
is it incredibly harsh to want to waste time by pulling random people, waiting for him to come back? i spose i also miss being single...
but i don't want to lose him....arghhhhhhh
but i don't want to lose him....arghhhhhhh
Unfortunatly you have to decide whether you prefer being single or whether you want this guy, the longer you take to decide the more likely you will lose him, also you realise if you prefer the single life then you will again also lose him.
If you two were to get back together, would it mean a long-distance relationship for a year, as he's in Italy and you're not? Is he likely to come back at all during the year, or just stay out there solidly.
It's a lot to ask of any couple to maintain a long-distance relationship. And with everything that's been going on between the two of you, it sounds like you have stuff to resolve first anyway. It might be tricky to do that over distance.
If you're not sure of what you want, how about him? Does he know what he wants? Perhaps you should ask him straight out, and see what reply you get.
It's a lot to ask of any couple to maintain a long-distance relationship. And with everything that's been going on between the two of you, it sounds like you have stuff to resolve first anyway. It might be tricky to do that over distance.
If you're not sure of what you want, how about him? Does he know what he wants? Perhaps you should ask him straight out, and see what reply you get.
yeah, it would mean a long distance for a year. maybe i'd see him once a month for a day or so? it's hard also cos our parents homes aren't nearby at all, so during holidays he needs to go home really.
i dunno what he wants anymore, i want to talk about it, but i dunno if i'd hurt him more if i still didn't know what i wanted to do. cos he is sure to ask me if i ask him. i don't want to say it out loud that a big reason now is that i mite want to be single. i think he is aware of that...!
xxxx
i dunno what he wants anymore, i want to talk about it, but i dunno if i'd hurt him more if i still didn't know what i wanted to do. cos he is sure to ask me if i ask him. i don't want to say it out loud that a big reason now is that i mite want to be single. i think he is aware of that...!
xxxx
Do you think that what he wants would affect your decision? If so, I'd recommend that you ask him. If he asks you, all you can do is be honest. I don't think it's so shameful that you're not sure of wanting to be with him over a long-distance relationship. He might not be so understanding on this matter, but that's his issue, not yours. Do be completely honest and tell him you are undecided about what you want, as that's no crime. Yes, he might get hurt more, but it seems like he's hurting already, and just bottling things up could hurt more in the long-run.
Most of all, do what YOU want to do. If that means ignoring or doing the complete opposite to all of this advice, do it. It's your life, you live with the consequences, so as long as you are doing what you think will make you the happiest, you are doing the right thing. They'll always be people here willing to give you their opinions and advice, whatever happens next (that's if you need it, of course!)
Most of all, do what YOU want to do. If that means ignoring or doing the complete opposite to all of this advice, do it. It's your life, you live with the consequences, so as long as you are doing what you think will make you the happiest, you are doing the right thing. They'll always be people here willing to give you their opinions and advice, whatever happens next (that's if you need it, of course!)
hey kyanya, thanx for ure advice
the thing is i really don't know what's gonna make me the happiest.
i think i want to stay single until the end of this month, when he comes over next, so i can talk to him face to face, and also experience what it is like to be single at uni. but i really think that may hurt him so much that i will lose him.
i don't want to hurt him anymore, and i don't want to lose him, but i think if i don't try it out, then i might wonder all the time. (cos i was only single for a bout a term at uni, then we got togehter, but it wasn't really single, cos we liked each other)
xxxx
the thing is i really don't know what's gonna make me the happiest.
i think i want to stay single until the end of this month, when he comes over next, so i can talk to him face to face, and also experience what it is like to be single at uni. but i really think that may hurt him so much that i will lose him.
i don't want to hurt him anymore, and i don't want to lose him, but i think if i don't try it out, then i might wonder all the time. (cos i was only single for a bout a term at uni, then we got togehter, but it wasn't really single, cos we liked each other)
xxxx
argh...after many agonising hours thinking...
i told him that i wanted to get back with him. and he was like ure messing me around blah blah, i don't think it's a good idea to get back together esp being apart, it was your idea in the first place. i'll think about it, and get back to you this evening...
argh!!
i told him that i wanted to get back with him. and he was like ure messing me around blah blah, i don't think it's a good idea to get back together esp being apart, it was your idea in the first place. i'll think about it, and get back to you this evening...
argh!!
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