I am worried about my love life? help please

Okay I'm gonna admit this. I am a 19 year old girl who has never had any boyfriend nor close contact with a guy. (not even hugging as it is not a culture here)

When I was 12 to 14, I was really overweight (not obese!) and somehow someone figured out who I liked and things kinda spread. People started teasing me and I was also kinda emotionally bullied a little bit by a guy that thought I had a crush on him. I got teased and laughed at quite a lot on my weight and body. I was called names like hippo, cow and got teased about my "ability" of knocking down a building / getting crack lines on the floor when I walk. I was afraid of gym class and shopping in general. It was then I think that I grew fear towards men/boys and started to have low self esteem.

I would say I look quite different now compared to the old me. I have lost quite a lot of weight and still working towards my target (bmi 20). My current bmi is 25. My friends sometimes tell me I am pretty but I just can't believe them, it's like I try to believe their words but this little voice in my head kept on telling me that I am still a fat girl.

Anyway, I never had a lot of guy friends despite being in a co ed school. I NEVER had a close guy friend. I just can't open up to them. I am too scared to let them cross over the territory that I have built over the years and I don't know how to communicate with them. I just..CAN'T ACT NORMALLY AROUND THEM.

So right now at 19 where a lot of my friends start having boyfriends and sweet things done together, I am still the middle school girl who has secret crushes on guys and could never do anything. I am terrified, jealous and angry at the same time. I cry easily when I watch teen movies because they made me feel like such a loser.

Any advice? (serious comments only please)
tbh, my eyes are wet now.

Reply 1

Michael Davis

Hello. I feel You. I understand you. The problem is accepting yourself and taking that hard step of faith. Believe in yourself and change tour overall attitude.

Reply 2

Mr.Econometrics

Have a read of this: http://www.marcandangel.com/2014/03/16/20-self-confidence-traps-holding-smart-people-back/

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by Mr.Econometrics

Have a read of this: http://www.marcandangel.com/2014/03/16/20-self-confidence-traps-holding-smart-people-back/

Thank you for the link. The article does cheer me up and inspired me :smile:

Reply 4

Mr.Econometrics

Original post by Anonymous

Thank you for the link. The article does cheer me up and inspired me :smile:

No problem. Refer to it whenever you feel down, and don't let yourself feel like ****. You're better than that :biggrin:

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by Mr.Econometrics

No problem. Refer to it whenever you feel down, and don't let yourself feel like ****. You're better than that :biggrin:

Btw it is a bad idea to type out your fears before bed time. I woke up in horror after dreaming about my college friends bullying me and calling me names (which they never).

Reply 6

Mr.Econometrics

Original post by Anonymous

Btw it is a bad idea to type out your fears before bed time. I woke up in horror after dreaming about my college friends bullying me and calling me names (which they never).