Heartbroken

Hi,

I'm in a very difficult position. I have a boyfriend who I have been with for nearly 1.5 years. I love him so much but unfortunately the trust I have in him has gradually reduced more and more due to lies on his part, all of which he has never come clean about. Admitedly a lot of them have been discovered by snooping (which I know is immoral, but really a topic for another thread), but I was tempted to snoop because of the trust problem in the first place.

Anyway, it's reaching the point where I think he is cheating on me, and I am snooping further (I snooped once ages ago and have resisted for past 8 months) until recently when I had reason to believe he was cheating. I still don't know for sure, but the way I feel right now, I don't think our relationship is going to work...the fact I'm snooping and can barely trust him says it all really.

The problem is, I really don't want to break up with him as much as I know that our relationship is doomed. How do you break up with someone you still really love and care for? Also, I'm concerned with walking away from a relationship not knowing whether he ever did play me around. It's harder to move on when you don't know how to view the person involved. I really don't know what to do about this....just break it off, or confront him about it and see if our relationship can be saved...either way I will tell him about my snooping (I don't promote lies). I've just got to be careful when I do it because I might just help him cover up his tracks better by doing so.

Any advice or comments would be appreciated.

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

OP

Got one thing to add to what I posted. He tends to lie I think in situations where he predicts an unpleasant reaction on my part if he was to tell the truth. Also, to avoid confrontation (he is used to getting his own way). I am yet to decide whether lies are ever told maliciously. I guess this is why I have stayed for so long...I can sort of understand why he does it. However, I've never heard this from his mouth directly.

Reply 2

HeStoleMyCrayon

tell him about the snooping like you said, and then he might break up with you or might put your mind at rest and the relationship can get back on track. either way, it wont be you doing the breaking up.

Reply 3

squigaletta

ask him striaght out if hes cheating

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

squigaletta

ask him striaght out if hes cheating

Done this before and he always says no. Plus he's a chronic liar, he's not going to come clean about something like that if he tells me lies about other stupid things.

Reply 5

squigaletta

yeh, my thinking was that its much harder to tell a big lie than a small one, and even if he did lie it might be easier to tell hes lying if its about something big, but if youve already tried i guess not :frown:

Reply 6

User69701

10

Tell him about what you found. When in that type of situation, guys know they are in the wrong so don't worry too much about how the information was obtained - notlike women... Anyway, decide first if he is cheating wil you still want to be wioth him and also if you want to be woth him even though he is constantly lying to you.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

I feel really bad for snooping...I know it's an invasion of privacy and all that. I'm upset that each time he lies, he is putting his feelings before mine in a way..yes an element of it is probably him not wanting to upset me, but part of it is to save face, and not be challenged, or to protect his ego. However, I'm thinking now I'm probably just the same, snooping through his things to put MY mind at rest or to know what's going on (which I guess is also selfish). So really I have little ground to be upset with him..

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

JayB124

Tell him about what you found. When in that type of situation, guys know they are in the wrong so don't worry too much about how the information was obtained - notlike women... Anyway, decide first if he is cheating wil you still want to be wioth him and also if you want to be woth him even though he is constantly lying to you.

I don't know if I still want to be with a liar. It's pure empathy that is keeping me with him (because I think I know why he lies). However, the trust thing is really starting to make my life hell. I'm just concerned that breaking up will do nothing and I'll still be determined to find out if he ever did cheat on me, which will get me into a lot of trouble and is damn right out of order! I just don't trust myself.

Reply 9

username47781

20

If there is no trust in the relationship then it will not work, i would ditch him because for a start he has lied to you and the more you let him get away with it the more he will do it, don't let him walk all over you, your worth better than that, besides he may ditch you once he finds you went through his things.

Reply 10

Captain Haddock

18

you dont know he's cheating yet, what kind of proof do you have?

Wait til its indisputabal, or you may find that youve made one biiig mistake

Reply 11

khil

15

Anonymous

Done this before and he always says no. Plus he's a chronic liar, he's not going to come clean about something like that if he tells me lies about other stupid things.

Doesn't your own post say it all already?

Break up with him. If you can't trust him, there's no saving the relationship cus whatever he says now, you're not gonna believe. And that kinda says it all really.

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

OP

irisng

Doesn't your own post say it all already?

Break up with him. If you can't trust him, there's no saving the relationship cus whatever he says now, you're not gonna believe. And that kinda says it all really.

But maybe if I could get him to admit to some his lies and ask him to explain why he lies, that might help things?

Or am I just in denial because I don't want to end it :frown:

?

Reply 13

username47781

20

Anonymous

But maybe if I could get him to admit to some his lies and ask him to explain why he lies, that might help things?

Or am I just in denial because I don't want to end it :frown:

?

Usually guys like these don't admit their lies i am afraid.

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

OP

Carl1982

Usually guys like these don't admit their lies i am afraid.

Guys like these? I thought everyone lied..

Reply 15

username47781

20

Anonymous

Guys like these? I thought everyone lied..

what i am saying is he is telling 1 lie after another, now if thats how he is then he is unlikely to change.

Heartbroken

Related discussions