The Student Room Group

Very depressed...can't eat/sleep :(

Yes, it is another 'break up' story...One that happened around a month ago when I found out that my fiance whom I had been together with for 5.5 years started liking someone who he met on a business trip to Edinborough (me and my ex live in London). I loved him like crazy and things were perfect between us.. I'm only 19 but he had proposed to me and I thought it would last.. He didn't cheat on me but simply ended it with me, saying that he loves this other girl whom he had only spent around 3 weeks with on this business trip...He has told his parents about her and they've agreed to get them both engaged very soon...

I was asking for him to reconsider our relationship in the first week but then I realised that even if we did go back out, I'd never forgive or forget what he has done...and he clearly loves this girl like crazy...he told me that he's not felt towards me the feelings that he has for her, even when he was making love to me.

However, I am still not over the situation. I am an emotional wreck...I went to 2 counselling sessions but none of them helped...I can't sleep and alcohol was no help...I'm scared of using sleeping pills and a pharmacist that I spoke to regarding sleeping pills said they don't really help anyway...I'm always crying...Every time I eat, I throw-up even though I don't want to...

I just can't stop thinking about my ex and the times we shared together. Also, I keep having dreams about him in the sexual context...We slept together quite often for over a year and the memories are haunting me.. I feel dirty but yet, I can't stop thinking about our sex life..

Does anyone have any advice for me? It would be greatly appreciated, even though I wouldn't really know what advice to give someone in my situation.. I'm starting Medicine at university this year and I'm terribly frightened that this state of 'depression' will not go away. Also, I don't want to admit to any doctors that I am depressed because I don't want to be put on anti- depressants.
Reply 1
thats really hard for you. tbh i dont know what to say. you just have to pick up your life and move on. find other interests. start hanging out with your mates a lot more and everything.

so you're 19 and you've been living with him for over 5 years?
Well i think your ex has been very cruel to you there, i guess though he clearly isn't ready to settle down afterall, unfortunatly getting engaged so young is a big risk as your feelings can change, this seems to have happened to him rather than you.

Regards of uni the best thing you can try and do is make some new friends, there are lots of opportunities with social clubs you can join.
Reply 3
even though you don't want to be put on anti-depressants, it might be the only way to make you feel better. you don't have to take them forever, just until things seem better to you. try to think of all the nice things that will happen to you at uni, all the new people you'll meet. i know it's easier said than done but right now try and get yourself out and about with your friends :smile:
Reply 4
theflcgal
thats really hard for you. tbh i dont know what to say. you just have to pick up your life and move on. find other interests. start hanging out with your mates a lot more and everything.

so you're 19 and you've been living with him for over 5 years?


Did I mention living with him because I didn't :confused: . He proposed to me around 4 months ago and we were planning to get engaged but it didn't happen.

Also, can anyone help with the problem of not being able to sleep and eat?
Reply 5
Firstly well done for getting into medicine. A fresh start at university and meeting new people could help you get over whats happened with your boyfriend. Try to go to all the parties available and join lots of societies.

Even if you dont want to take anti depressants see the doctor anyway. I mean they cant force you to take them and they may give you other advice like doing something like excersise to take your mind of whats happened.

Anyway its only been a month give it more time.
See your doctor?
Reply 7
eating, maybe just try and eat little and often, just small things to keep you going. something plain that maybe won't give you too many problems? :confused: i'm not too sure.

the sleeping problem, make sure you don't have any caffeine four hours before bed, or vitamin C (i think!), you could try listening to music to help you get to sleep..

maybe to get over the times you've had together, you could compose a list of all the reasons why you're glad you aren't together. even stupid things might help you get over him, people often say it helps!
Reply 8
Anonymous
Did I mention living with him because I didn't :confused: . He proposed to me around 4 months ago and we were planning to get engaged but it didn't happen.

Also, can anyone help with the problem of not being able to sleep and eat?



oo yeah! i didnt read it properly. i thought you said you'd be living together for 5.5 years, but you just said together.

i would suggest go to doctors. at least you can see what he prescribes. you dont actually have to take it if you dont like it.
Don't know if this will help you but here's a thread made 2 weeks ago dedicated to sleeping problems http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=272480
Reply 10
Thanks Carl1982... But tbh I've tried all methods of trying to sleep except sleeping pills. Is anyone aware of the side effects at all?
I would have thought they'd list possible side effects on the packet. One thing I've heard of with sleeping pills is that you can become dependant on them to go to sleep so I'd definately talk to a doctor/pharmacist about that.
Think about the fact that he's thrown away a fantastic relationship, with a fantastic person over mere lust. That's what it sounds like to me. Also think about how lucky you are to escape having in-laws like that. If they are going to try to help him to get engaged very quickly to a gal he knew for only 3 weeks then they obviously didn't like you very much.