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Found out my boyfriend said I was not pretty
Me and my boyfriend have been together 18 months now and he has always been very complementary of my body, but has less so towards my face.
When we first got to together it was a bit messy as he was deciding to break up with his long term/long distance girlfriend. At the time he was therefore comparing us. Right after he had broken up with her and I was in his room I accidentally saw a Facebook convo between him and his best friend explaining the break up and his decision about me. My boyfriend had said in regards too me "she isn't very pretty though". At the time I only caught I glimpse and decided I must have read it wrong as he wouldn't have chosen me if he had thought that.
Last weekend however I was talking to his friend who confirmed he actually did say that. Naturally this has given me a huge blow to my self confidence. My boyfriend has been asking why a feel so down about myself and I don't know whether to or how to bring it up. I understand that not everyone is pretty but I would hope my own boyfriend would think so and I have been so put off having found this out it is affecting us.
Should I explain (or just get over it) and if so how?
When we first got to together it was a bit messy as he was deciding to break up with his long term/long distance girlfriend. At the time he was therefore comparing us. Right after he had broken up with her and I was in his room I accidentally saw a Facebook convo between him and his best friend explaining the break up and his decision about me. My boyfriend had said in regards too me "she isn't very pretty though". At the time I only caught I glimpse and decided I must have read it wrong as he wouldn't have chosen me if he had thought that.
Last weekend however I was talking to his friend who confirmed he actually did say that. Naturally this has given me a huge blow to my self confidence. My boyfriend has been asking why a feel so down about myself and I don't know whether to or how to bring it up. I understand that not everyone is pretty but I would hope my own boyfriend would think so and I have been so put off having found this out it is affecting us.
Should I explain (or just get over it) and if so how?
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Original post by Anonymous
Me and my boyfriend have been together 18 months now and he has always been very complementary of my body, but has less so towards my face.
When we first got to together it was a bit messy as he was deciding to break up with his long term/long distance girlfriend. At the time he was therefore comparing us. Right after he had broken up with her and I was in his room I accidentally saw a Facebook convo between him and his best friend explaining the break up and his decision about me. My boyfriend had said in regards too me "she isn't very pretty though". At the time I only caught I glimpse and decided I must have read it wrong as he wouldn't have chosen me if he had thought that.
Last weekend however I was talking to his friend who confirmed he actually did say that. Naturally this has given me a huge blow to my self confidence. My boyfriend has been asking why a feel so down about myself and I don't know whether to or how to bring it up. I understand that not everyone is pretty but I would hope my own boyfriend would think so and I have been so put off having found this out it is affecting us.
Should I explain (or just get over it) and if so how?
When we first got to together it was a bit messy as he was deciding to break up with his long term/long distance girlfriend. At the time he was therefore comparing us. Right after he had broken up with her and I was in his room I accidentally saw a Facebook convo between him and his best friend explaining the break up and his decision about me. My boyfriend had said in regards too me "she isn't very pretty though". At the time I only caught I glimpse and decided I must have read it wrong as he wouldn't have chosen me if he had thought that.
Last weekend however I was talking to his friend who confirmed he actually did say that. Naturally this has given me a huge blow to my self confidence. My boyfriend has been asking why a feel so down about myself and I don't know whether to or how to bring it up. I understand that not everyone is pretty but I would hope my own boyfriend would think so and I have been so put off having found this out it is affecting us.
Should I explain (or just get over it) and if so how?
Bring it up in case there's any misunderstanding whatsoever. Once you've cleared it up, if he thinks you're a butterface then dump him, if he does think you're pretty work it out.
He's gotta go then. Because If a man doesnt think his girl is pretty. What makes you think he wouldn't be quick to look at another girl and have a desire to leave you for her...
Thats a bit too risky for me. Why not be with a guy that thinks your beautiful and can appreciate you?
Thats a bit too risky for me. Why not be with a guy that thinks your beautiful and can appreciate you?
Aw thats horrible, i'd be really hurt too 
I think you need to speak to him about it, otherwise it's gonna play on your mind forever and will ruin the relationship
And sometimes when you start to fancy/love someone they become more physically beautiful and you can't really 'see' the flaws anymore ( personal experience)
I think you need to speak to him about it, otherwise it's gonna play on your mind forever and will ruin the relationship
And sometimes when you start to fancy/love someone they become more physically beautiful and you can't really 'see' the flaws anymore ( personal experience)
(edited 9 years ago)
Although difficult I'd lean towards leaving it alone. Fact is he chose you over this past partner despite that message. There's also the fact it was possibly banter between mates, he may have been exaggerating, joking around a bit, trying to sound macho etc. I'm sure some girls gossiping with each other may on occasion say a comment about their boyfriend which they'd be mortified if he actually heard, because it's not something they really mean or it's a flaw which they overlook. There's also the fact that even if he did think his ex was more physically attractive, you (generally) grow to find someone more attractive due to being more attracted to them as a person as the relationship develops.
Original post by joey11223
Although difficult I'd lean towards leaving it alone. Fact is he chose you over this past partner despite that message. There's also the fact it was possibly banter between mates, he may have been exaggerating, joking around a bit, trying to sound macho etc. I'm sure some girls gossiping with each other may on occasion say a comment about their boyfriend which they'd be mortified if he actually heard, because it's not something they really mean or it's a flaw which they overlook. There's also the fact that even if he did think his ex was more physically attractive, you (generally) grow to find someone more attractive due to being more attracted to them as a person as the relationship develops.
What?
OP him saying this behind your back right from the start is a bad sign. It shows he is not entirely open with you as he is ready to make such comments behind your back, and it also shows little respect and sensitivity to say that about your girlfriend regardless of whether in front of you or behind your back. Girls/ guys that do that sort of thing just sound like pricks to be honest. You're worth more than that - regardless of how 'pretty' you are in conventional societal terms, and I wouldn't be surprised if he is not the person you thought/think he is on other levels.
Original post by Temporality
What?
OP him saying this behind your back right from the start is a bad sign. It shows he is not entirely open with you as he is ready to make such comments behind your back, and it also shows little respect and sensitivity to say that about your girlfriend regardless of whether in front of you or behind your back. Girls/ guys that do that sort of thing just sound like pricks to be honest. You're worth more than that - regardless of how 'pretty' you are in conventional societal terms, and I wouldn't be surprised if he is not the person you thought/think he is on other levels.
OP him saying this behind your back right from the start is a bad sign. It shows he is not entirely open with you as he is ready to make such comments behind your back, and it also shows little respect and sensitivity to say that about your girlfriend regardless of whether in front of you or behind your back. Girls/ guys that do that sort of thing just sound like pricks to be honest. You're worth more than that - regardless of how 'pretty' you are in conventional societal terms, and I wouldn't be surprised if he is not the person you thought/think he is on other levels.
Would have made more sense for you to say you disagree than "what?", as I assume you understood what I wrote.
I shall agree to disagree. If he'd said this last month I'd take your view, but he said it right at the start of their relationship, they're still together 18 months later, I imagine it's a comment he'd greatly regret. Though as I say I lean towards it, she is free to lean the other way and bring it up.
Jesus, I could never be with someone who said that about me.
Original post by CherelleFairuz
He's gotta go then. Because If a man doesnt think his girl is pretty. What makes you think he wouldn't be quick to look at another girl and have a desire to leave you for her...
Thats a bit too risky for me. Why not be with a guy that thinks your beautiful and can appreciate you?
Thats a bit too risky for me. Why not be with a guy that thinks your beautiful and can appreciate you?
Why not address your insecurities before entering into a relationship?
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Anonymous
Me and my boyfriend have been together 18 months now and he has always been very complementary of my body, but has less so towards my face.
When we first got to together it was a bit messy as he was deciding to break up with his long term/long distance girlfriend. At the time he was therefore comparing us. Right after he had broken up with her and I was in his room I accidentally saw a Facebook convo between him and his best friend explaining the break up and his decision about me. My boyfriend had said in regards too me "she isn't very pretty though". At the time I only caught I glimpse and decided I must have read it wrong as he wouldn't have chosen me if he had thought that.
Last weekend however I was talking to his friend who confirmed he actually did say that. Naturally this has given me a huge blow to my self confidence. My boyfriend has been asking why a feel so down about myself and I don't know whether to or how to bring it up. I understand that not everyone is pretty but I would hope my own boyfriend would think so and I have been so put off having found this out it is affecting us.
Should I explain (or just get over it) and if so how?
When we first got to together it was a bit messy as he was deciding to break up with his long term/long distance girlfriend. At the time he was therefore comparing us. Right after he had broken up with her and I was in his room I accidentally saw a Facebook convo between him and his best friend explaining the break up and his decision about me. My boyfriend had said in regards too me "she isn't very pretty though". At the time I only caught I glimpse and decided I must have read it wrong as he wouldn't have chosen me if he had thought that.
Last weekend however I was talking to his friend who confirmed he actually did say that. Naturally this has given me a huge blow to my self confidence. My boyfriend has been asking why a feel so down about myself and I don't know whether to or how to bring it up. I understand that not everyone is pretty but I would hope my own boyfriend would think so and I have been so put off having found this out it is affecting us.
Should I explain (or just get over it) and if so how?
Bit off topic, but what a **** mate. I'd question his motives here. As the above person here says, you've got to consider the context a bit.
Original post by addylad
I hope you aren't directing that towards me, because personally, I think I am a beautiful girl and looks have never been an insecurity of mine. I hate to sound pompous, but given this chance to address what you've said to me I had to clear the air lol
Anyway, if it were to be another girl, how are you so sure looks is her insecurity for her to be acknowleging it before entering a relationship.
Even if a beautiful, nice looking girl heard or found out her boyfriend thought she was ugly, of course she'd be come insecure or just think what if he finds someone more attractive.
Im telling the girl to leave now before he leaves her because I dont know what guy stays with a girl for a long period of time thinking she's ugly... Lets be realistic
This is a difficult one because you always see people in relationships with someone who may be deemed 'out of their league' or something, but there will always be a reason they are with them, amazing personality etc. Also even the ugliest person in the world (I am not saying you are ugly) will be seen as attractive by the person that loves them. However I personally know I would be extremely upset to hear this and so I would bring it up otherwise you'll end up resenting him over it. If he treats you right etc. then you probably try and get over it because he obviously must love you, but if he's an ******** who doesn't make you feel good about yourself then get rid!!
Original post by CherelleFairuz
I hope you aren't directing that towards me, because personally, I think I am a beautiful girl and looks have never been an insecurity of mine. I hate to sound pompous, but given this chance to address what you've said to me I had to clear the air lol
Anyway, if it were to be another girl, how are you so sure looks is her insecurity for her to be acknowleging it before entering a relationship.
Even if a beautiful, nice looking girl heard or found out her boyfriend thought she was ugly, of course she'd be come insecure or just think what if he finds someone more attractive.
Im telling the girl to leave now before he leaves her because I dont know what guy stays with a girl for a long period of time thinking she's ugly... Lets be realistic
Anyway, if it were to be another girl, how are you so sure looks is her insecurity for her to be acknowleging it before entering a relationship.
Even if a beautiful, nice looking girl heard or found out her boyfriend thought she was ugly, of course she'd be come insecure or just think what if he finds someone more attractive.
Im telling the girl to leave now before he leaves her because I dont know what guy stays with a girl for a long period of time thinking she's ugly... Lets be realistic
If you're not insecure then what is the problem?
I can't understand your logic. So what girl stays with a guy, if she thinks he's ugly?
Posted from TSR Mobile
If I were you I'd have been upset at the time, but the fact it still bothers you is worrying. You've been together 18 months, the guy clearly likes you. So what if he doesn't think you're the prettiest girl in the world? I'd much rather have someone date me because of my personality rather than the way I look.
You don't need your boyfriend to validate that you're pretty. What matters most is that you're happy and confident. Perhaps you should try to work on that a bit
You don't need your boyfriend to validate that you're pretty. What matters most is that you're happy and confident. Perhaps you should try to work on that a bit
Original post by addylad
If you're not insecure then what is the problem?
I can't understand your logic. So what girl stays with a guy, if she thinks he's ugly?
Posted from TSR Mobile
I can't understand your logic. So what girl stays with a guy, if she thinks he's ugly?
Posted from TSR Mobile
Who said theres a problem? You indirectly said I was insecure, I'm letting you know that I am not. So lets keep it moving b.
Anyway, if a guy thinks a girl is not pretty before the relationship and has a relationship regardless thats different as to when a guy then realises "oh wait she's not all that"
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