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Haunted by my past.. :(

I did something really bad when I was younger and I still cant get over it to this day I still feel haunted by it :frown:

When I was about 5/6 years old I basically excluded another child in my class for rascist reasons and told them these reasons.

Everytime I think about it I feel so bad and ashamed, I wish it never happened, the child then went and told her parents who confronted my parents and it was all very awkward and I still remember the moment despite it being so long ago...

In my defence I was just a child, and I'm sad to say I was brought up in a narrow-minded ignorant home and I just passed on this info to the other child (like a fool :frown:

) but they were never my thoughts, ever.

How can I get over this? It really gets to me a lot, I'm a naturally overly-anxious person anyway so the slightest things make me panic and dwell on them so imagine me trying to get over this!

Anyone?

Reply 1

Pandy

10

You were 5/6. Hardly rational thinking.

Might seem harsh but I mean it in the best possible way. Get over it. :biggrin:

You wouldn't do it now so it'll be ok. Everyone does stupid things when they're little.

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

I've been in a similar situation.

When I was 8, I made fun of a classmate because of her race. My family arent racist btw, so I dont know where it came from. Her mom came into school and scolded me and I cried in front of all my classmates. My parents never knew about it as far as I know.

But really, I'm mostly over it. I was a kid and I was ignorant. That's not an excuse, it's the truth. I feel bad about it but its over, so I move on.

If it helps you feel better , you can volunteer in a group promoting racial harmony or something.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Anonymous

I've been in a similar situation.

When I was 8, I made fun of a classmate because of her race. My family arent racist btw, so I dont know where it came from. Her mom came into school and scolded me and I cried in front of all my classmates. My parents never knew about it as far as I know.....

Just out of interest - are you still in contact with the person? How long afterwards were you in the same school for?

With me it was another 10 years :eek:

Reply 4

meow_meow

hey at least you feel regretful about it :smile:

Reply 5

Azzle

1

you can't help the way you were brought up, and atleast you can see the error of your ways so you can bring your children up to be different from the way your family were. So many people do things they regret as a child and ok, maybe they're not all to the same extent as this, but you can think of yourself as a better person now for it.

Just think how many people did that at primary school and haven't changed in the slightest. That should be somehting to be proud of!

Reply 6

History_is...

6

You needn't worry; when I was little, about 7, i was told by these kids i couldnt join in playing football with them for racist reasons (I am actually british, just with darkish skin, not that it matters Lol!). I went on to become really friends with the guy who said it later on when we were both a little older, i understood he was just a kid and probably didnt mean or really understand what he said. So what im trying to say is it doesnt matter what you did then, because you regret it now you understand fully, and nobody would hold a childish lack of understanding against you, so please dont worry yourself with this. xx

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Hi and thanks for your replies you are nice :smile:

Buuuut... I think it kind of makes it worse when I said "My mum said...(blank) because (blank).

So everyone knew that it was my parents' views which isn't really excusable :frown:

oowh cringe cringe cringe cringe cringe cringe cringe cringe cringe cringe cringe cringe cringe cringe cringe cringe etc.

Reply 8

khil

15

Well when I was 11 I decided to be really nasty to this kid who had some kind of disability which meant his writing and speech were impaired. I didn't do anything - just didn't let him borrow my colour pencils but refused to help him in a really harsh manner.

A day or two later I decided that it's not his fault that he has a disability and he can't feel very happy being so dependent and different, so I shouldn't be nasty to him and instead I should be nice to him. Thereafter I let him borrow my stuff and was really nice to him. I'd no family influence over either of those decisions.

Basically, we all do stupid things when we were kids. You're not racist now which is kinda what's important. Don't beat yourself up over something that happened when you were 5/6 :smile:

Reply 9

manifestation of morality

2

I'd suggest therapy, not for ur childish racism but for your stunted emotional competency. Seriously after (dunno ur age but we'l say 10 years) u feel its necessary to post for help on a internet forum makes me worry about your ability to cope with anything mildly challenging in your life,

Im sure some people will think this is harsh, but if a friend of yours came to you in the real world with this problems, well i personally would think they were very pathetic,

Reply 10

Figaro123

manifestation of morality

I'd suggest therapy, not for ur childish racism but for your stunted emotional competency. Seriously after (dunno ur age but we'l say 10 years) u feel its necessary to post for help on a internet forum makes me worry about your ability to cope with anything mildly challenging in your life,

Im sure some people will think this is harsh, but if a friend of yours came to you in the real world with this problems, well i personally would think they were very pathetic,

Harsh though it is, I agree. Get real, man.

Reply 11

unfinished sympathy

15

Anonymous

I did something really bad when I was younger and I still cant get over it to this day I still feel haunted by it :frown:

When I was about 5/6 years old I basically excluded another child in my class for rascist reasons and told them these reasons.

Everytime I think about it I feel so bad and ashamed, I wish it never happened, the child then went and told her parents who confronted my parents and it was all very awkward and I still remember the moment despite it being so long ago...

In my defence I was just a child, and I'm sad to say I was brought up in a narrow-minded ignorant home and I just passed on this info to the other child (like a fool :frown:

) but they were never my thoughts, ever.

How can I get over this? It really gets to me a lot, I'm a naturally overly-anxious person anyway so the slightest things make me panic and dwell on them so imagine me trying to get over this!

Anyone?

understand, when i was the same age maybe a year older, we had to make a model pyramid and take it into class. I made mine out of clay and was very proud of it, and too it in, and this boy took the mick out of it, so i hit him on the head with it, just sort of brought it down on his head nothing hard i was only young and wasnt very strong, but he ran off to the headmistress and igot into trouble, she said i could have given him a brain tumour, and she made me cry. It was very unnessecessary as i didnt hit him hard, but anyway i was terrified for months and years afterwards that my mum and dad would find out. Whenever the phone rang i would be scared and think oh no its the school. Looking back i realise how stupid i was, because a i didnt hit him hard b i couldnt have injured him etc i think you should get over it now tbh, cos you cant change the past and othing you could have said could have been absolutely terible seeing as you were so young. Dont worry about it, and stop worryig :smile:

Reply 12

Figaro123

When I read the title, I was expecting murder or something, not casual childhood racism. You were a *kid*, man - give over. I've done tons worse things in my past (not murder mind you).

Reply 13

Mattmoy_2000

9

You feel bad about it - you obviously don't feel this way (i.e. racist) now. You were just an ignorant child picking on another child because he was different to you, in the same way that you might have picked on a ginger child or a geeky one. Bullying's not right, but it's just something that children do. Have you apologised? Been punished? If you still feel bad then do some charity work in a related field or try to educate your parents (risky).

Reply 14

The Program

3

I think he wont even hate you for it, I bet you the person has probably forgotten all about it and dismissed it because you guys were little then and everyone makes mistakes when they are young, even people older make mistakes, everyone makes mistakes. I guess as long as you treat people of all races with respect everything will be allrite. Hope you feel better soon.

Reply 15

saoirse

10

Yes.i know how you feel, ive done s few things when i was small that make me cringe. But the way i try to look at it is i honestly was not aware of the impact it could have on people. And i also did some really good things too, which helps to pay off my moral debt, or whatever...Dont dwell on it, the fact its tormenting you shows you have truly learned and developed into a decent human being :smile:

Reply 16

Mr.God

7

Oh for God's sake! Stop whining and get over it. Boo hoo, you bullied another kid when you were 5. We might as well lock you up with Saddam.

Reply 17

Bubblebee

15

Nothing crueler than small children.

Reply 18

LadyEnglish

2

If you're still in contact with the person you were racist to (which hardly seems the right word as you were 5/6, you didn't really know what you were saying, it's who ever influenced you who is racist so really I wouldn't feel deeply 'haunted' by it, you were at a very young impressionable age and the adults who were around you at the time were obviously irresponsible) anyway! Like I said, if you still know this person say you still feel bad, or even better, just try and get over it! I'm assuming you're not racist now, and you wern't then since you hardly knew what it was, so you don't have a hell of a lot to feel bad about. You're - not - racist. Good luck with everything xxx
(I also agree with The Program, he's probably forgotten! You should to!)

Reply 19

Tennessee

When i was little ( i dont remember this ) the first time i saw a black person i apparently pointed and called her a monkey, but that was only because i hadnt come across them before and i was only little! i am in NO way a racist person, one of my good friends is black, and i LOVE accents so :biggrin:

it's all good. You can't really control how you behave when little, you're naive then, and don't really know the world. They most probably don't even remember what you said, and your not racist now, and never really have been so don't worry! You should only feel bad if your attitude to other races were still bad, which their not. Your not affecting anyone hurtfully, so chin up!

Haunted by my past.. :(

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