The Student Room Group

Family issue

I really don't like posting anon, but this time I really feel the need.

We just found out (I and my brother) today that we have a half-brother. It turns out our mum had a baby when she was 15, which was taken away and adopted immediately. The pregnancy was kept pretty much a complete secret. I'm furious, to be honest, that we've only just found out about the existence of a half-brother. The only reason we've just found out is because he's just traced down my mum.

My dad has urged I and my brother to be supportive of mum and to try and be enthusiastic about the whole situation and to see it as a good thing and not a bad thing - like, we've gained a brother or whatever. But it doesn't take away the fact that this huge secret has been kept from us all our lives. In my typical shouldhavegrownoutofitbynow stroppiness, I'm not speaking to either of my rentals. Good idea or just selfish? :confused: :frown:
Reply 1
selfish, id look after your mum at this time, dont think she needs more issues - its not really the thing shed tell her teenage kids is it?
Reply 2
personally you being selfish but i can see why you feel like this and to be honest it is understandable, you feel hurt and cheated on. however think about your half brother, he hasnt had a mom for an 'x' amount of years and he must be really happy he got little brothers and a mother. Accept your half-brother and realise the pain your mom must have went through by giving the child away, it must have been hard for her. i think your half-brother is a good guy for tracing your mom himself. Go for it be supportive to your parents, be the strong child and welcome your half-brother into your family!!
Reply 3
She should have told us that we had a brother who had been adopted. I'm sorry but she just should, even if for a sex education lesson as in "look what can happen" etc.
Reply 4
In a way i can understand how you are upset that this secret has been kept from you, but i also think you are being really immiture and yes, selfish by not speaking to your parents.

I dont know if this was the case ot not, but it sounds like your half brother was taken away against your mothers will, and that has got to have been one of the hardest things to live with for your mum.

She probably didnt tell you before because its a really upsetting part of your mums life.
Reply 5
(whoops, entered that too early...)

If i were you i would be there to support your parents, especially your mum. Let her know that your hurt that she kept this from you, and ask if theres anything else that she hsnt told you.

Then you can get on with having a new person in your family.
Reply 6
Everything happens for a reason... :smile:
Reply 7
if i was a 15 year old impregnated girl turned 40 something mother with teenage kids, i wouldnt even think about telling them until they are in their 20s at least, your parents probbly didnt want to set a 'bad example' for you, as ridiculous as that sounds to you now, try to understand it from their point of view.
Reply 8
Our half-brother has had a mother. His adoptive parents brought him up in Hampshire and he he had a brother and a sister. He was taken by good people (well so he's told my mum).
Reply 9
Anonymous
I really don't like posting anon, but this time I really feel the need.

We just found out (I and my brother) today that we have a half-brother. It turns out our mum had a baby when she was 15, which was taken away and adopted immediately. The pregnancy was kept pretty much a complete secret. I'm furious, to be honest, that we've only just found out about the existence of a half-brother. The only reason we've just found out is because he's just traced down my mum.

My dad has urged I and my brother to be supportive of mum and to try and be enthusiastic about the whole situation and to see it as a good thing and not a bad thing - like, we've gained a brother or whatever. But it doesn't take away the fact that this huge secret has been kept from us all our lives. In my typical shouldhavegrownoutofitbynow stroppiness, I'm not speaking to either of my rentals. Good idea or just selfish? :confused: :frown:


Firstly, don't worry about posting as Anon - it's a pretty sensitive issue :smile:
Can I ask, how long has your Dad been aware of this... did he find out when you did, or had your Mum disclosed this info to him before?

I think it's natural for you to be reacting in this way - it's a big piece of news to digest! How do you feel towards your Mum? Mainly angry at her keeping this from you? Can you understand why she might not have told you? And how do you feel towards your half-brother for making contact...resentment, sympathy?

I think you should talk to your brother about this: I think he's the one to be in the best position to understand how you feel. Then, I think you should talk to your Mum... get across how you are feeling about the whole situation NOW, and get it out in the open and settled now rather than later!

You need to try and move on from this: decide if the family is going to keep in contact. Just because your Mum, Dad, or brother might do, don't feel obliged to put up a 'happy family front' if you don't feel it is right. At the same time, try and understand how each member of your family might be feeling: acting in a more mature way once the initial shock has died away will help you to resolve all of this much quicker.

All the best :smile:
Reply 10
wtf its not thhhaaattt big, its pretty good news imo after you get over the fact.
Reply 11
Just because he was "taken by good people" doesnt mean that he was intirely happy.

Put yourself in his shoes, he hasnt had his real mum for his whole life, i would be happy for him to have found her.
Nevatary
Everything happens for a reason... :smile:


Correct, and at the same time bull****.
Reply 13
Yeah I am happy for him and I do want to meet him, but I don't feel sorry for him. I doubt he'd want sympathy - he told my mum that he had a really happy childhood. Don't assume he isn't happy - he was adopted at birth, it's not like he was troubled foster child.
Reply 14
thats not the issue though is it..you're angry at your mum for something she's already been punished for once
Reply 15
matt@internet
Correct, and at the same time bull****.


Yeaaa, but its better to look on the bright side of life at times like these! Like the Anon might need a kidney one day!! (God forbid he won't tho!) :smile:
i honestly didnt think these things happened in real life.
well; you've gained a brother, congratulations!
as for your mum; try and put yourself in her shoes for a bit and have a think about how sensitive she must be feeling right now. push the anger aside and if you can't be supportive just let her know you still love and respect her as much as you ever have if not more.