The Student Room Group

people don't seem to like me

i'm a quite shy person, this is both made worse by and partly to blame for the fact that i don't seem to make a good impression on people. When i meet new people with my friends it's always my friends that they get on best with. For instance i just went to stay with a friend with a few other friends from uni (only one of whom i should really count as a friend the others im farely sure just put up with as a friend of hers) and they instantly got on really well with all my friends home mates - swapping numbers etc. also the two "friends" i went away with (one girl one boy) get on great even though both of them have known me longer and we all have about the same amount in common.
I feel so rejected that it makes me just draw away more which i'm sure makes it worse.
I'm sorry to rant like a loser but if anyone has any advice or is in a similar situation i'd really appreciate replies. It sounds pathetic but i can't really go on like this much longer - part of me things i'd hurt less if i just became a complete recluse.
Reply 1
Don't worry, I feel like that sometimes too. Especially the fact that I'm quite shy too. That said, around another group of friends, I'm loud and jokey so it just depends on who I'm with. If you feel like you're being well... secluded I guess, just be braver and talk to them, join in their conversations more instead of staying in your little corner. After, because you're both their friends, isn't it better that they get along rather than having you being a bridge in between?

If you're with friends, there's no reason to be shy. Be yourself and I'm sure they'd love you for it! I often try to make friends with really really shy people but it's like they can't speak and it makes it very difficult for me too because I want to be their friend but it just seems like they want me to leave them alone.

PS Try making new friends and establishing a new braver you to get over the shyness can help too. This way, they don't expect anything of you and you can be the you you want to be.
Please don't give up on being social. There is nothing wrong with being shy, in fact some people prefer shy friends to loud annoying ones. Keep spending time with your friends and when they're all chatting join in.
Reply 3
I have been like this, the thing is there will be members of the group you like and other members you don't like. It is hard to make an effort when you don't like the people as they make you feel uncomfortable. Just be polite to these people and concentrate on making new friends you do like - you will be so much happier in the long term :smile:
Reply 4
yeah know how u feel i can be the shyest person in the world around new people and especially around big groups of people tht i do know, and it often seems to them tht im being rather quiet and strange but thts only cause im a naturally quiet person...Dont get me wrong i can also be the loudest person in the right environment. but personnaly i ve found tht some people actually get on with loads of people and make friends easily whilst others dont, just seems to depend on the person.
I did a lot of peer support last year at my school and we had loads of people in the same situation especially the first years about being shy etc but if its friends u want then the important thing is to advertise ureself, make ureself noticible, its very easy to hide away in the corner alone - ive done tht nd it sucks. try and engage in any coversations tht goes on, but in to their convos if you have to, if your at uni mayb join a few clubs or societies etc...those may seem difficult things to do, but u can - its all about will power and confidence, i.e when u walk into a room smile, look like ure a confident person at least and u'll be surprised what happens, but be ureself all the time.
ure not a reject or a loser cus no one no matter what their social status or their background deserves to be called that. Even try making friends with other people who may seem shy...
Reply 5
Angel83
It is hard to make an effort when you don't like the people as they make you feel uncomfortable. Just be polite to these people and concentrate on making new friends you do like - you will be so much happier in the long term :smile:


The problem is as far as my friends go i do like them. even the ones who i feel don't like me. i have tried really hard to be outgoing and get involved etc but i just end up feeling like they find me annoying and i shut up. i can't explain why but i just get the impression alot of my "friends" just put up with me because i'm the better friend of their good friend, thus we do stuff together even though if it wasn't for mutual friends they'd never give me the time of day
Reply 6
try some self-help books
Reply 7
You sound introverted and miserable, it's no wonder people get on more with outgoing, happy people than with you.
Reply 8
Mr.God
You sound introverted and miserable, it's no wonder people get on more with outgoing, happy people than with you.


thanks! your comment wasn't exactly useful. I am becoming introverted and increasingly miserable but this is because when i try to be outgoing and upbeat and confident i feel like people find me annoying or just don't like this me that much, they stil get on much better with other people even people theyve just met! this makes me becoming introverted, almost i don't know, so that they can't see i'm hurt and be reminded what a loser i am.
Reply 9
has it occured to you that just because you feel that they don't like you, doesn't mean that they don't.
It's easier to have a conversation with someone you've just met as there are loads of 'getting to know you' topics that spring easily to mind.
What do you do for a living? what music are you into? etc etc list is endless.
Your friends can't have conversations like this with you, they know it all already.
This doesn't mean that they don't like you, or even that they don't find you interesting, it just means that they're getting to know someone new.
Try starting conversations with people you meet, or try to be attentative to your friends interests so that you can talk to them about those, they'll notice the effort and be appreciative.
hope this helps
Aw, at least you're not over talkative/too loud, that can be more annoying :wink:

So I'm sure you're fine :smile:

XxX
Reply 11
Youre just a bit different socially, I dont know wether its down to you not getting involved or speaking up and getting involved. Just remember they arent doing it on purpose just if you met someone who didnt really seem they wanted to talk I doubt you would make an effort.

Next time you meet someone new, just TRY and find out about them, its always fun meeting new people and seeing there views/experiences or stories.
Just ask them questions, once the convo flows they will see you're an alright person which it seems like....
Also you're original, not a sheep like everyone else, and you'll find people admire that xx
Stop being such a depressive with the "everyone hates me" attitude. Its all in your mind. Stop believing it and it will stop happening. People might even begin to like you.
Reply 14
If I were you then I'd try and go out and make friends without your existing friends being with you. That should force you to come out of your shell and actually make a real effort to get to know them, rather than relying on your friends to put the effort in for you.
I feel similar - but unfortuantely for the shy ones, people tend to be drawn to confidence...something along the lines of 'watch out for the quiet ones' lol...it's just sometimes shyness can be mistaken for ignorance or people thinking you are stuck up your own 'bottom'. But it seems that most shy people come out of their shell with people that they know better, so the more you talk to people the more confident you will become with those individual people - its just talking to them in the first place which is a catch 22 situation!

But I am willing to bet that once people get to know you (forgetting any silly little fights or arguments) that they love you for who you are and appreciate that you are not as confident with peopel as others are, and they wont mind that.

Although the way Contractador worded his post may have sounded a little bit harsh - they are right in a way....think positive, think people like you, think 'its their loss if they don't!' and you will feel better and start to notice people who do like you....people who don't like you...don't really matter do they?

No matter what the person is like...anyone who doesn't like someone is missing out on that persons good points (which they will have) no matter how small amounts they have!
Reply 16
I think the most important thing to remember is that you're not alone in experiencing this. Lots of people experience shyness (myself most definately included) but deal with it in different ways. Some people become loud and silly, some people go quiet.

Keep on socialising, just because you've not always clicked with people, doesn't mean that it won't happen. Keep on and you'll start to feel more at ease the more social experience you have. You also increase the odds of meeting more of your types of people.

I'd also suggest talking about this to a close friend and finding out whether you're misreading other people.