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Troubled Relationship Advice

Hi everyone,

I've been going out with my girlfriend for a quite a while now and I thought everything was going fine and that she was happy, as I was. Recently though it's been harder and harder to be close to her and the feeling that we're together is becoming weaker. I found out recently that this was because she's having second thoughts about our relationship and whether it was too soon for her after a previously bad one.

I love her to bits, I really do, and I want to be with her but I don't know what do do about this situation. Do I give her space? Do I get out of her life for a while and hope she wants to be with me too? Do I try harder? Do I try less? As you can tell I'm really confused and frankly quite scared of being on my own again, she's the only person who's really liked me for who I am, an idiot. She's also helped me in other areas of my life more than she'll know, I don't want to lose her.

Any advice would be appreciated, thank you.

Reply 1

El Scotto

try less... back off from her a bit yourself and it should draw her back in a bit closer. make her be the one doing the wondering about you.

Reply 2

.:fluff:.

I love her to bits, I really do, and I want to be with her but I don't know what do do about this situation.....As you can tell I'm really confused and frankly quite scared of being on my own again, she's the only person who's really liked me for who I am, an idiot. She's also helped me in other areas of my life more than she'll know, I don't want to lose her

Tell her exactly that. Explain to her everything you've just said and how much you don't want to lose her, maybe this will help her realise just how much you do mean to eachother.

How long have you been together?

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

Tell her what you've said here but if she asks for space respect that.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Thanks for your comments so far. I do tell her how I feel but I think it confuses her more, so I now think twice before telling her I love her. She likes talking about stuff usually but at the moment I'm not sure whether it would help. We've been together for seven months.

Reply 5

rocketboy86

doesn't this sort of thing set in to most relationships after the initial 'honey moon' period? sorry to rain on the parade, it's jjust an observation i've made after watching my friends over the years...and myself once

Reply 6

Anonymous #3

Just a minor rough patch... Try finding out the reason for the weakening. Is it because of that is happening? Is it an external reason I.e. Friends relationship comparison.

Reply 7

cat_meiow

Just talk to her and tell her how you feel, honest really is the best policy in my opinion.

Reply 8

lolly83

Talk to her, tell her how you feel and then let her think about it.
Make it clear to her that you'll respect her decision whatever she decides, that takes the pressure off her a bit.
Good luck.

Reply 9

Rainy

Keep everything open, and keep talking. There's no secret or typeset as to how to make it better; just follow your intuition as to what feels right. Whether to give her space or whether to keep at her is all down to your relationship. I never had a clue in that respect. I've been in the situation where I don't know where I stand - I'm still in it - during a relationship and when its over, and it hurts.

Make sure of the good times.

Reply 10

khil

Hmmm similar thing happened to me like, 2 months ago. Bf wasn't sure he was mature enough for a committed relationship and he got all confused. Broke up with me. After 2 months I gave up on trying to change his mind, then at the last minute before we parted for the holidays (since we were at uni) he probably decided he wanted to stay with me and we got back together. 5 months at the time.

I suppose all you can do is perhaps express what you've said here to her - then leave the matter up to her and give her space. Tell her it's ok if she wants space. Probably the hardest thing, giving her space, when you're not sure if she'll leave you. Certainly what I found. All you can do is give her time really. The more questions you ask her, the more confused she'll get probably. And trying to hold onto her would confuse her too and probably make her think all the more that she's not ready. I mean, funnily enough, it was always when I'd stopped trying that my bf came back for me. But when I did try he'd move away. By "stopped trying" I simply mean stopped trying to keep him with me.

Sometimes I still wonder what would've happened had I not called out his name at the airport...