She rejected me, she has a boyfriend, but we are still really close..help?

I really like this girl for a while now
But she has a boyfriend who lives in another country. (Long distance relationship 4+ yrs) She plans to marry him.
I told her how I feel. She said that I already know she has a boyfriend and that she loves him and that I shouldn't be selfish.

I said ok I'm sorry, but we can stay friends.

I'm finding it very difficult. But I want to stay friends with her because we get on really well together and she considers me her close friend.

I can't tell her how I feel again or it will ruin our friendship. I was already very close to ruining it the first time I told her. She said to me we can't be friends anymore because she doesn't want to see me sad. But I said to her don't worry I will be ok.

But I'm really not ok.

It's currently the summer holidays so I haven't seen her for 4 months and I won't see her until October.

I know she loves somebody else and I should accept that but I am always thinking about her.

I am always thinking what is she doing, how is she, etc. And I always get jealous and uncomfortable when she is talking to other guys. Why is that? How can I stop thinking like that? I know we are just friends but I get upset too easily. I over analyse every small thing and it's driving me insane.

I really don't know what to do.

Also, regarding her boyfriend, he is living in another country and they have only met once, yet they have been talking, skyping for 4yrs.

Reply 1

Jebedee

Cut contact.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 2

CJKay

As above, cut contact.

Reply 3

marm-alade

this is so damaging for you and may eventually also be damaging for her. She really isn't that important, allow yourself time to heal and get over her, then you can start talking to her again. Fulling this kind of relationship will only bring bad outcomes.

Reply 4

SleezySwallows

Try just taking a break from her. Once things have cooled down feelings wise then is the time to see about being friends :smile:

Reply 5

Joseph.S

Been there. Tips, take it slow. Hang out and experience just being friends again. Insure that there are a lot of other people there too to avoid awkward moments. Eventually, you'll be roaring to go.

Reply 6

Abzey_97

The cooling down thing is a mugs game. The best solution is cut contact if you are not ok because cooling down a week or so will not get rid of them feelings you have.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 7

Chicken.M.

flirting with other girls helps. Just focus on that + any hobbies you have and don't talk to the original girl until you're over it.

Reply 8

asif007

Original post by Anonymous

Wut? How the hell this girl expects to marry a guy she's only met once is beyond me. That's not a boyfriend, that's a random man she met on the internet and Skypes with. We've all done it (i.e. spoken to someone we don't know on the internet) but that doesn't mean we want to marry them. That girl sounds like a witch who is so far up her own **** that she fails to realise how you must be a pretty close friend to her. You're certainly more of a bf to her than that guy. :s-smilie:

So it's entirely up to you - cut contact completely (as people have suggested above) or you can continue to be friends with her but not if it means compromising on your feelings for her. She doesn't have a right to reject you when you know her so closely, in favour of a man she's only met once. Keep pursuing this if you think she's worth it, otherwise there's plenty more fish in the sea and I'm sure you'll end up meeting another girl who will end up treating you better than she has. Hope it all goes well. :smile:

Reply 9

Novascope

Original post by asif007

I personally think that's not going to help the OP at all... You can't tell the OP to cut contact with her after saying he's more of a boyfriend to this girl. Very misleading and confusing to the poor guy :/

Also you can't really say she doesn't have a right to reject him. When it comes to her feelings she can do whatever. The OP has only said his side of the story. While she may have only met him once, they have a history of 4 years together. Who knows what they've been through. He's clearly been there for her like the OP has, and just because they don't meet frequently, who can say it's not a legit relationship?

Reply 10

Novascope

Try and distance yourself from this girl. Holding onto her is only going to hurt even more, and you'll regret it sooner or later. Maybe focus on something else? Try to meet new people and see how things go with that? If you're really the one for this girl, and things are meant to be between you, she'll realise how much she misses and wants you and she'll get in contact with you herself. You could possibly end up pushing her away and irritating her with your feelings after a while, and I'm sure you'd never want to reach to a point where she dislikes you right?

Reply 11

bubadeeboop

propose to her at a football match...

Reply 12

asif007

Original post by Novascope

I'm only explaining the options and leaving the decisions to OP. Yes, he is more of a bf to this girl than the man she hopes to marry because I strongly disagree that you can have a proper relationship with someone just by talking to them on Skype. You might know what they look like but if you've only spoken to someone on the internet and never actually done anything with them, how can you expect to spend the rest of your life with them? It's been proven time and time again with vulnerable girls being groomed over the internet into thinking they are in love with someone/want to marry them, and that person turns out to be a serial killer/paedophile/plain dangerous. Maybe they have got to know each other pretty well over the internet, but IMO that's no comparison to actual human contact. If you ask me, getting to know someone in person and not just on a computer screen is the only way to have a legitimate relationship.

I never said OP should only cut contact - I did mention that it's entirely his decision based on how he feels about the situation and whether or not this girl is worth any extra effort. If it was me in this situation, I'd feel pretty hurt and want to give up despite everything I had invested in a friendship. Girls like that (who ditch their real friends because they're kidding themselves into thinking they've found something better) disgust me and should be left alone. But OP might want to keep going because their friendship means something to him, and that's perfectly reasonable.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 13

Jebedee

Her relationship may be a joke but she still values that over anything with op. Cut contact and she'll have no one and will either have to deal or reevaluate her relationship with op.

I'd recommend seeing someone else though and not holding out for this one.

Posted from TSR Mobile