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IGCSE Englishcoursework

Hi, I'm doing my English language cw and I need to get t up to an A*
would someone be able to have a look at it please and offer some improvements? its a letter to Sinead O'Connor about the open letter she wrote to Miley Cyrus
this is just a small part of it
Firstly, I fail to see how your letter was aimed at Miley; it seemed to be somewhat more of a long-winded rant expressing your negative feelings on the music industry. I appreciate that you will have had more than your fair share of experiences which fuelled your deep-rooted hatred for the music industry. However this does not in any way, shape or form give you the right to tell Miley ‘the music industry doesn’t give a damn about you’- have you met every member of the entire music industry? You need to consider that not all of them will be manipulative liars who want nothing more than to drain Miley for all she’s worth.
It seemed to be against the entire population of men. It’s unacceptable to call someone a ‘spunk-spewing dirtbag(s)’ let alone to stereotype men in general, and to presume that not one of the millions of men watching her video are truly worried for her safety as a young artist. You are implying that people who don't even know Miley Cyrus, that have never listened to Miley Cyruses music and have zero intention of ever buying a Miley Cyrus album... that they are the spunk-spewing dirtbag responsible for all this, and all the women that will be set upon by "animals and less than animals" due to this exploitative behaviour -which is an extremely serious allegation to make. Not all men are the same. And they don’t all just think of women as just pieces of meat.
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