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like someone but dont fancy them

Really sorry for yet another guy problem thread.

I met a guy recently at a mates party, and since then we've been chatting quite a bit on msn etc. We get on really really well and he told me he liked me. We went out on a date last night, and hes a really great guy. Fun to be with, great to talk to, we have loads in common, and we just get on so well, we have the same ideas in life and believe the same kind of things, and id probably go as far as saying that hes the only guy ive ever met or dated that id possibly want to be with in the future (obviously i dont know him well enough at the moment, but im just trying to say that he really is a great guy.)

Anyway the problem is that I just dont fancy him! Ive never been in this situation before. Whenever ive liked a guy before, ive had no trouble fancying him as well. But however lovely this guy is, i just dont like the thought of kissing him or anything. Its not that hes unattractive. Hes pretty average looking. I really dont know what it is though.

Has anyone else been in this situation? What happened? If i see him more and get to know him ever better, do you think the physical attraction will grow?

Scroll to see replies

Reply 1

Mr.God

I've known more than one girl whose personality I have been massively attracted to but I haven't fancied.

If the spark ain't there, it ain't there.

Reply 2

theflcgal

but i really want to like him! hes just such a great guy. do you not think the physical attraction thing might grow if i spend more time with him?

Reply 3

bedbug

Sounds like he'll only ever be just a mate. A good one, sure, but if that spark's not there there's not a lot you can do to change it. I've been in your situation with a friend of mine a few years back and, much as I wanted to fancy him, I didn't. Nothing I could do but be his friend.

Reply 4

Mr.God

It wouldn't if it was me, but I'm a guy. The way I hear it, with women, physical attraction is very much linked to emotional attraction.

Reply 5

theflcgal

grrrrr its not fair! and now if im not going to fall for him, im going to have to make sure he doesnt think im leading him on or anything. and i dont wana hurt him.

Reply 6

mipmapped

If there's no attraction, I doubt the situation will improve.

Reply 7

theflcgal

well thanks for your help everyone.

Reply 8

Lush Law

Sometimes you can eventually come to fancy someone who you didn't at first.

Reply 9

theflcgal

Sometimes you can eventually come to fancy someone who you didn't at first.

oooo i like that answer! just what i was hoping to hear hehe. does anyone else think that?

Reply 10

mipmapped

oooo i like that answer! just what i was hoping to hear hehe. does anyone else think that?

Get some beer goggles.

Reply 11

theflcgal

lol. yeah but thats not a permanent solution is it :p:

Reply 12

mipmapped

lol. yeah but thats not a permanent solution is it

I just meant goggles made of beercans...that way you don't have to look at him.

Reply 13

Mr.God

mipmapped

Get some beer goggles.

Try vodka goggles, they're a stronger prescription.

Reply 14

User69701

On a more serious note, if you are romantically interested in him, there is no harm in hanging out with him. You won't fancy every guy you like. It doesn't work like that. You may find you fancy guys that you do not like.

Reply 15

theflcgal

yeah but i dont want to lead him on and then tell him i dont want a relationship with him. hanging out with him as friends is good, but hes already said he wants more than friends.

yeah i do fancy guys that i dont like. and now i dont fancy a guy that i do like.

Reply 16

mipmapped

Maybe you have a complex that makes you unable to find the attainable attractive.

Reply 17

username47781

Well take a step back get to know him a little more, just take your time.

Reply 18

theflcgal

mipmapped

Maybe you have a complex that makes you unable to find the attainable attractive.

nope. my last boyfriend was really nice and i completely fell for him. we werent completely well suited, but he was a great guy and very attainable. just this one now is soooo perfect. but i just dont fancy him. i think partly its because hes not very confident. he wont really make any 1st moves on me. and hes not at all flirty. in the past, ive tended to fall for guys who are very attractive and a bit flirty and confident.

ahhh i duno im confused!

Reply 19

theflcgal

Carl1982

Well take a step back get to know him a little more, just take your time.

unfortunately im off to uni in a couple of weeks. when he said he liked me, i said that im off to uni soon, and he said that he knew that but somehow had hoped things could still work out. eg long distance. not ideal, but cos this guy is really special, if i fancied him, id be prepared to give it a go. but it doesnt exactly give me time to step back and get to know him better.

ahh maybe i shoiuld just back off.