Boyfriend's job is ruining our relationship

You said you listen to him, but does he listen to you? Ask him to listen to how you are feeling and don't let this build up on the inside. He's not a mind reader so you'll have to bear with him.

There's got to be some give and take, and although you are giving more right now remember he's under a lot of stress and relying on you. You should feel comfortable enough to do the same.

I'd usually say ask him to take a day off or something and spend time with you so your relationship can be priority for a day but at a new job sometimes that isn't an option.

With such a busy schedule I'm sure he hasn't realised that he hasn't been there much for you and I'm sure it isn't intentional.

Do let him know that he can't look down on your job though as that is. It ok.

You are completely right to feel this way, but put yourself in his shoes. A start would be him letting you know in advance when he absolutely cannot spare time on a weekend so you are not travelling for nothing

I just feel I'm making a lot of sacrifices for him, and he's not really changing his life in anyway for me. I'm trying to move to be near him, I'm travelling 4 hours there and back to see him every 2/3 weeks, I'm spending money I don't have on trains, I'm turning down jobs I could do because they're not near enough to him. Yet he doesn't even seem able to take even half a day off? I don't know, I'm getting angrier now because I just feel like he doesn't value me at all at the moment.

I have brought up the fact that I'd rather know if he was busy so I wouldn't come down. He basically has said that this is what it's going to be like, so I'm just gonna have to put up with it. It's either see him when he is busy or not at all...

My boyfriend is self employed and runs and small business. It is only in the early stages and so it means he is ALWAYS working on it. We are long distance and I only get to see him every 2/3 weeks where I'll usually go down for a long weekend.

Thing is, I completely understand he is busy but we honestly barely get any time together. He works from 7am to 7pm every single day, when he's not at work he is always 'on call' and answering his phone/emails. I don't think an hour has gone by where we haven't been interrupted by something he has to go and sort out. Every date we've been on in the last few months has been cut short because he needs to phone someone to sort out a problem. Then the very few hours of the day that we do get to spend quality time he is either so exhausted he falls asleep or he rants and moans about his job and all the problems he's having.

I feel like a burden at the moment. I can only visit him on weekends because of my job and he never has a day off. I try and be supportive but I sometimes find myself feeling bitter when I've given up a weekend to see him and spent almost £70 on train fare and then spend my weekend alone in his house while he is at work. Especially when I see other people going out with their SO's... Going to dinner, going away for the weekend.

I don't know what to do. When all this started (a few months after we started dating) he kept saying it was only temporary... And it's been over 6 months now and things haven't improved. I don't want this to be my life.

Well he sounds like an arrogant prick. He's acting as if he expects everything to work around him, don't be a push over and let him know that you are not there when he tells you to be, it's meant to be give and take.

If he's not wanting to put in effort then why should you? The least he could do is show that he cares by being a bit more sensitive to your situation.

Id be angry too in your shoes.

Don't get me wrong, he's in a tough spot and needs support through starting a new job but that doesn't make you a doormat and if he's making you feel angry then he has to at least understand where you are coming from

This is why I hate women.

Okay, what did I say wrong now..?

I said be supportive, I said bear with his new job, and I've stated that he probably doesn't realise he's upset her.

She has said that he has been quite condescending with her job, that he has been ignoring her for work, not putting in effort to make things work and suggested that things won't be changing.

Damn right I'd be pissed off

The over the top emotional anger, that isn't really justified. The lack of understanding. Rather then allowing their partner to focus on something that could seriously improve his life, he should distract himself with dates etc. Making things all about them and their feelings.

OP if you care about him and he has previously shown he is serious about you, show some patience and understanding.
If you don't want to make the sacrifice or feel that he isn't actually serious about you (i.e this business is just an excuse to not see you), move on. There's nothing wrong with that btw.

You said you listen to him, but does he listen to you? Ask him to listen to how you are feeling and don't let this build up on the inside. He's not a mind reader so you'll have to bear with him.

There's got to be some give and take, and although you are giving more right now remember he's under a lot of stress and relying on you. You should feel comfortable enough to do the same.

I'd usually say ask him to take a day off or something and spend time with you so your relationship can be priority for a day but at a new job sometimes that isn't an option.

With such a busy schedule I'm sure he hasn't realised that he hasn't been there much for you and I'm sure it isn't intentional.

Do let him know that he can't look down on your job though as that is. It ok.

You are completely right to feel this way, but put yourself in his shoes. A start would be him letting you know in advance when he absolutely cannot spare time on a weekend so you are not travelling for nothing

Theres no give and take when it comes to starting up a new business. You have to put all your time into the business or it won't work.

Such an immature attitude if that was your boyfriend would you really give him this kind of ultimatum? Life ambitions/dream vs current girlfriend - money vs current girlfriend. That is a pretty easy decision to make. Doesn't have to be like that if he finds a sensible girl.

He'l be able to give back in the future when his business is off the ground and he has some managers to take most of the workload. But that's only if she doesn't **** everything up for him.




Ye I'm sure he hates his life as well at the moment. Everything is revolving around his business, NOT HIM. If op really wants it to stop she has to either wait, sabotage his business or find someone else

OP should mention it to him that it's annoying and try to discuss some solutions but she shouldn't be angry about it.

I have to agree with Doctor_Einstein here OP. Starting a business is not easy, especially in the current marketplace where so many people are of an entrepreneurial mindset. Think of it as a learning curve; you are moaning about having no money, but you are also moaning at him for being proactive and making money.. Can you see the hypocrisy here? I don't mean to offend but if you wish to succeed in life you have to bite the bullet and put in the hard work.

Alternatively, you could just 'take days off' and go on dates to your hearts content and live in mediocrity for the rest of your life. Look at the most successful people in the world; not a moments rest. Give this documentary a watch (How to Be a Billionaire: http://www.channel4.com/programmes/how-to-be-a-billionaire/4od) if you wish to see how successful people live their lives and run their multi-billion pound businesses (through the same amount of hard work your boyfriend is putting in). These people remind you of anyone? Welcome to life

I just feel I'm making a lot of sacrifices for him, and he's not really changing his life in anyway for me. I'm trying to move to be near him, I'm travelling 4 hours there and back to see him every 2/3 weeks, I'm spending money I don't have on trains, I'm turning down jobs I could do because they're not near enough to him. Yet he doesn't even seem able to take even half a day off? I don't know, I'm getting angrier now because I just feel like he doesn't value me at all at the moment.

I have brought up the fact that I'd rather know if he was busy so I wouldn't come down. He basically has said that this is what it's going to be like, so I'm just gonna have to put up with it. It's either see him when he is busy or not at all...