The Student Room Group

Heartbroken and do i still like her?????

Hey everyone this is my first time on the student room! This threat is quite long so if anyone doesn't wanna waste 5 mins reading then stop here.

Ok... bit of background I am former public school boy (all boys :eek: ) whom just finished my a-levels at a sixth form college. I chose to go there because i wanted to move on and i had performed well academically (9a*and 1a). It is at the sixth form that i met my first gf whom fist appeared to be a very nice person and i cared for her a lot. However 7 months into our relationship she started to change and she cheated on me :mad: it left me very broken hearted and before i knew it it was the A/S levels and i just failed (CDUU). Heartbroken and failing academically i spoke to my best friend from the public school. He told me how i have wasted my life away and how pathetic etc......but agreed to help me out as I still wanted to go to Oxford. It was during the summer that we kinda drew up a plan to turn things around and one of them was to avoid any form of relationship and to achieve this was pretty simple ( ineffect avoid specific areas and if i don't he told me to in effect get lost as he really hated my ex) and then when i came back to the 2nd year i thought i was prepared.... but i think i may be wrong......

Due to the poor performance i was forced to take one A level in one year i.e i had to be in an A/S class. As i was walking to that class i saw my ex walking past i got kinda angry and just stomped into my new class and i met the girl who would cause misery to now. Surprisingly i got on very well with her first and actually was very attrcted to her surprisingly during group work period (this never happened before) and I just suddenly forgot about my ex. I think she probably felt the same way however by the end of the second week i remebered the plan we agreed over !!!! due to her very shy personlity she generally talks only when i initiate the conversation and shockingly she had the same first and second name as my ex. When i met up with my best friend he gave me another big lecture over what i was doin and told me its either her or oxford !!! I guess you should know which one i chose.

Then for the next year i just to the best of my ability tried to avoid her (shame on me) and this really hurt me inside. But i just try to convince myself that i took the right decision as i scored 27 on my LNAT and was offered a place at Oxford (dream come true) for AAAB. Then thoughout the year I at times meet her at by chance and it just really hurts me i can't be with her (think she was involved in relationship with another guy for a brief period of time. For example i went to the shop where she works by accident and i can see that she was flirting with me and when purchasing I can see her loking at the mirror doing her hair (i think she may be disappointed)..... and everytime this happens James Blunt's your beautiful kinda plays in my head knowing i can't be with her. At last when i finished the exams (18 units:eek: ) I thought i could get over her in the summer as i won't be able to see her again. However exam results AABB (B was in subject i got AAe in module) and was rejected with out accepting my remark :mad: . My insurance was Durham and obviously they rejected me as well. it was then i just collapsed cause i couldn't have either her or Oxofrd and I just feel guilt inside and regret inside of me.

I went back to college today to sort out the remarks and resits and decided to go to the libary to look at some unis. I was alone on the corner and then suddenly i turned around and the other spare seat i saw her again !!!! I just froze and couldn't speak to her for some reason.... possibly thinking she must hate me... well i don't blame her. Well i think she noticed me but due to her perosnality we were kinda in our shell and i kust couldn't tell her how sorry I am and to ask for another chance...... and as i was walking to the train station i just felt really upset and I just don't know what to do as I am on my unexpected gap year....

Thanks for reading any suggestions would be very helpful !
Reply 1
do you have anyway of contacting her? by the way your 'friend' sounds like a dick. i think he gave you very bad advice even if he was well intentioned.
Reply 2
if you like her that much you should talk to her, start meeting up with her maybe? Fair enough, you had bad experiences in the past and it changed your academic future but you can't let that ruin your life, you've got to learn from past mistakes and just move on.
Sounds like you have liked this girl for absolutely ages now, surely that must be worth giving a go. Maybe she will even be very supportive when you re-take your A-levels?
I know being cheated on and all the consequences are hard, i've been there myself, but honestly.. you've just got to give other people a chance to prove to you that not everyone is like your ex!
squigaletta
do you have anyway of contacting her? by the way your 'friend' sounds like a dick. i think he gave you very bad advice even if he was well intentioned.


Its not really that bad as advice... Prehaps a little extreme but really with his AS grades and wanting to get into Oxfam. I reckon that the measures were probaly justified. Its stupid to regret that you worked hard to ensure that one part of your life wasn't going to fall apart. You should just move on and prehaps try again later onwards.
As for this girl, Its not like an exam. Its not exactly one chance to talk and if missed, thats the end of it. Just try to find out how to contact her and explain yourself.
Reply 4
Why resit with exceptional A level grades you got? Most people can work and have a bf/gf and not be affected. Get a job for the year and do extra activities when you reply through UCAS which may enhance your offerings, you could do another A level at college evening class and work in the day to save money. As for the girl just talk to her, you are 18 now and shouldn't be nervous!
Reply 5
Whats with this "A levels or girlfriend" attitude? My brother had a girlfriend, job and did his AS and A2 maths, physics and electronics A levels in one year last year and got 3 As so stfu.
Reply 6
Sounds like your friend was jealous that you could get a girlfriend or had your best interests at heart to do well.
Reply 7
Thanks a lot people for the reply.... about my friend we've known each other for 12 years and I felt he was tryin to make sure i don't waste my ability. About the girl the only way I could contact her is really if I see her in person or tell her friends (whom some of them are mean girls). im just bit afraid because she may be angry with me or something..... And to Shreerca1 everyone individual is different in which they can fufill their full potential. I attended a public school for boys so i perform best in certain circumstances. Trying to change like I did in my first year meant unfortunate consequences and i'm not prepared to potentially make the same mistake. So unless you did the same then you stfu
Sorry, just had to do this...

Sanity Panda
and wanting to get into Oxfam.


tehehehe :biggrin:

Now...advice...

Maybe just try talking to the girl, you could send her a long email explaining how you wanted to focus on your studies this last year? If she knows the truth she'll know it's not her you're mad at...do you have any mutual friends who'll have her email address?

As for the uni front, it's a damn shame about missing the offers...maybe if you do a retake this year and reapply? You must be good enough because Oxford accepted you first time round...
Reply 9
Vincente
Thanks a lot people for the reply.... about my friend we've known each other for 12 years and I felt he was tryin to make sure i don't waste my ability. About the girl the only way I could contact her is really if I see her in person or tell her friends (whom some of them are mean girls). im just bit afraid because she may be angry with me or something..... And to Shreerca1 everyone individual is different in which they can fufill their full potential. I attended a public school for boys so i perform best in certain circumstances. Trying to change like I did in my first year meant unfortunate consequences and i'm not prepared to potentially make the same mistake. So unless you did the same then you stfu


Fair enough. Welcome
Reply 10
Any more responses will be appreciated..... and just be honest about it!!! it doesn't matter if your responses are mean or anything just some more responses will be great
Find a way to get in touch with her, find out her email, do a little research and then explain to her the entire situation (though don't dwell for ages on you ex, just whats necessary) and apologise to her for your behaviour, and then ask her out. and im sure your friend was just trying to look out for you but i still think it was pretty poor advice, i don't see why you wouldn't have been able to have a gf and get the grades you did.
if you love her that much you should talk to her, start meeting up with her maybe? Fair enough, you had bad experiences in the past and it changed your academic future but you can't let that ruin your life, you've got to learn from past mistakes and just move on. Sounds like you have liked this girl for absolutely ages now, surely that must be worth giving a go. I know being cheated on and all the consequences are hard, i've been there myself, but honestly..You've just got to give people a second chance.
Reply 13
antmaster71
if you love her that much you should talk to her, start meeting up with her maybe? Fair enough, you had bad experiences in the past and it changed your academic future but you can't let that ruin your life, you've got to learn from past mistakes and just move on. Sounds like you have liked this girl for absolutely ages now, surely that must be worth giving a go. I know being cheated on and all the consequences are hard, i've been there myself, but honestly..You've just got to give people a second chance.



:confused: if you don't have your own opinion don't bother posting!?
antmaster71
if you love her that much you should talk to her, start meeting up with her maybe? Fair enough, you had bad experiences in the past and it changed your academic future but you can't let that ruin your life, you've got to learn from past mistakes and just move on. Sounds like you have liked this girl for absolutely ages now, surely that must be worth giving a go. I know being cheated on and all the consequences are hard, i've been there myself, but honestly..You've just got to give people a second chance.

How bizarre
Reply 15
hhhmmmm wasn't this the person going about how much he loves some girl....... and was supposed to be banned. (hes in his 30s !)
No that was anthonyjm
Vincente
hhhmmmm wasn't this the person going about how much he loves some girl....... and was supposed to be banned. (hes in his 30s !)


yes Indeed. :confused:
Reply 18
Saw her today sitting with another guy during her break..... think she has moved on......
Reply 19
So what? Have you not got any female friends you sit with now and then. If they weren't holding hands or kissing then that doesn't mean anything. Just go for it, what have you got to lose?!