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Getting over him

I just split up with my boyfriend of nearly 15 months. We'd been arguing quite a lot but mostly only during the last month or two, so we split up on the spur of the moment and now I think we should take some space and then try again but he doesn't want to. We've nearly split up before but that was due to distance and I guess I always thought that that would be the reason when it did end, but after having been so far apart we're now going to be in the same city and it feels like it's so stupid to give up now. He says that he hurts me too much, but he made me so so happy and he knows that. I guess we realised that I was too sensitive for him and he was too insensitive for me - he's made some awful comments in the past (by his own admission) but we've sorted things out. It just feels like he doesn't even want to try to save it (we could easily work on the sensitivity thing), yet he claims he does still love me and want me, but that it's not right. We were best friends and he says he wants to stay friends but I just can't do it. He says we're over forever, because I know I won't get over him if I think there's a chance we'll get back together soon, and he doesn't want us to even consider that so that's it now. I'm cutting him out of my life completely and sending back everything related to him, deleting his texts and emails etc. As far as I'm concerned, I want to forget he ever existed. I know that seems drastic but I can't see any other way of getting over him. We were never friends before we dated so it would feel so weird.

Anyway, if anyone's still reading, I'd be so grateful for any constructive advice about how to get over this relationship. I'm gonna have a lot of time on my hands in the next few months, as I'm taking a gap year and not travelling until 2007. I'm already feeling so miserable and I can't let it get any worse.

Thanks

Reply 1

in_vogue

The sad fact is, he fell out of love with you. It's hard to hear, but first, you have to recognize the truth. If he really was still in love with you as he said, then he would be relishing the chance of being close to you again, and he'd be making even more of an effort now it's so close.
The good thing is you have a gap year to look forward to. What are your plans? Just by travelling you'll be physically getting away from being reminded of him, and you'll have so much to plan and see you won't even bother yourself remembering him. So in that sense, you're lucky.

On the bright side, you could say it's good that he didn't at least string you along. He was honest, and told you how it was going to be, which is something. Just staying friends though is often really ****, and will be a lot easier for him than it will be for you. By staying friends, he's getting the easy way out. He's telling you he doesn't want you anymore, but he's making himself feel better by still having you in his life.

Reply 2

stainedglass

If you've been having as many problems as you say then breaking up might be the best course of action to take. You need to respect his decision about breaking up, even if it's not what you want - he obviously thinks it's for the best and in time you'll see that too.

It's easy enough for other people to say that you'll get over him in time, and it is the truth, but it will take a while because he was obviously such a big part of your life. The only thing I can say is try to occupy yourself with other things - a job, going out with your friends, things like that. If you're busy you don't have the chance to think about it so much.

Cutting him out of your life completely seems a little drastic, it's fair enough that you want to get rid of the texts and things that remind you of him but if he is still a good friend don't lose contact with him.

Reply 3

LadyEnglish

It sounds like he has moved on and given you a certfied 'it'll never happen' so atleast you have definite closure. You should help yourself get over him by knowing he's over you, he's not hung up on you, so you shouldn't be on him. Stereotypically girls always have it worse than boys, solely because they throw themselves in to a relationship whereas boys never seem to forget the option that it could always end, girls seem to make life time plans with this person. He doesn't sound like an amazing person, putting you down sometimes and getting over you quickly, even lieing by saying he's still in love with you because like Flememinigo said, it sounds like he's not.
You have a gap year so use it to expiereience new things and new people. It will be hard to totally foget about him but you could certainly get over him (no innuendo meant) Everyone has their own way of doing this, I got over someone by just gradually over 3 months thinking about him less and less and focusing on more important things e.g college. So what I did for myself was 1) Accept the situation and try to think about him less 2) Focus on something else.
Good luck with everything :smile:

xxx

Reply 4

username47781

Seems harsh what hes done, almost as if he wanted a way out, shame you two couldn't actually talk and work out exactly why you was arguing

Reply 5

Hana_87

Hun i'm so sorry to hear this, ive made a thread pretty much the same, called 'i just cant get over him', search posts made by me and read it...

PM me if you want to talk xxx

Reply 6

pumpkin7

boyfriends are always so annoying.

i know it's cliche (someone PLEASE tell me how to do fancy characters..) but time is a great healer.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Thanks for all replies so far.

Thing is, I do actually believe that he is still in love with me and that it will be difficult for him to get over me too (although not as difficult as for me, as he is a much stronger character). He mentioned in the few days that we were trying to be friends that his family had picked up on it having affected him quite a lot. It was actually me who said "let's end it" so I guess it's my own fault and that in itself makes it harder. He does believe that he hurts me too much and that if you love someone, you want whatever makes them happy, and he says he doesn't make me happy enough anymore. It sounds silly, but if you knew him, you'd know it is actually true that he does believe that. He says that our relationship was too unstable, coz everytime he upset me he thought he'd lose me, coz I reacted so violently, and that right now we couldn't have a stable relationship.

Any more advice much appreciated. At the moment I just can't help wanting to cry all the time.

Reply 8

kazap

the old saying 'time heals' is so true, you might not know it now, but you will. Get on with your life, get out there and meet knew people, your travelling will take your mind off it. Move on, you will meet someone else and fall deeper in love than ever before!

Reply 9

antmaster71

It does sound like he has fallin out of love with you.I fell you both need to have a real talk to each other. :wink:

Reply 10

Ron Stoppable

pumpkin7

boyfriends are always so annoying.

i know it's cliche (someone PLEASE tell me how to do fancy characters..) but time is a great healer.

Exactly! I just don't do them. :wink:

Reply 11

Jo128688

I know how u feel hun, wen I split up wiv my ex and he didn't want to even consider getting back 2getha I was heart broken and had no idea wot 2 do wiv myself. Although evry1 says time is the best healer u prob dnt want 2 hear that (as it seems so long away) but for now u need to focus on all the good things u still have got. Go out wiv friends, be wiv family, do activites u like and try 2 find new interests. B4 u know it weeks would hav passed by & u wnt feel so bad.

Reply 12

LAbeachy87

Seriously, just do things that make you happy. Granted, grieving time is really necessary, so feel what you need to feel, cry how much you need to, and then look at your break up as a positive thing. Try not to look at the past and what could have been, because the past is only a fantasy that we hold in ourselves. It does not exist anymore. Hang out with girlfriends (they are the only ones that will make you feel great NO MATTER WHAT) go out, meet new guys, know that you're beautiful and MANY other (better) guys want you. Flirt a lot, seriously, it's great therapy. Not to get back at your ex, but to feel good about yourself.

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