I am 23 and single - I actually will never find anyone.

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
#1
I have been single since eternity. Here are my excuses.

- I had some opportunities during uni, but I was too stressed and busy with my course to take any any action
- I have graduated now, the environment is completely different.
- I am a quiet guy, introvert (this is not a confidence issue, I just have a quiet temperament)
- I have a niche personality - I have been described as 'enigmatic', 'thoughtful' and 'deep'
- I hate bars and clubs, and any sort of loud places - I have bad hearing AND my voice is low - it's very hard to communicate
- I don't understand how dating 'works' due to my lack of experience
- I have a high responsibility job and I am usually too tired at the end of the day to smile at strangers or make an effort
- Despite logically knowing that I have a lot to offer, my emotions/mind thinks otherwise
- Online dating NEVER works - far too much competition. I get some attention in public but these are in situations which are not suitable for approach (e.g. in the tube, etc)
- I don't know where to meet other young people that doesn't revolve around drinking or clubbing. I have tried meetup.com events but the attendees to stuff I like usually aren't my age

Everything else in my life is going fine. Dating is just the only thing that seems eternally hopeless, and I know it's my fault but I don't know how to fix it. Any advice?

Also, if there are any women (at least 20+) who are willing to be my dating mentor, I would appreciate it, I just need someone to get insights from and talk to
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Swirll
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#2
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#2
How is your social life?

Sounds like you could do with meeting other young people even platonically. What do you do for a living/outside work etc.? Sports clubs are a good place to meet people
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 7 years ago
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(Original post by Swirll)
How is your social life?

Sounds like you could do with meeting other young people even platonically. What do you do for a living/outside work etc.? Sports clubs are a good place to meet people
I have a social life, but it's nothing like the normal person. I have friend groups who I meet with but I don't get to meet friends of friends often.

Most of my social time is spent with small groups or individuals, that's just who I am. I am a very independent person. I have tried to change but it simply doesn't work.

I also spend a considerable amount of time meeting up with older people (40+), who I've met through work or coincidence. I find them fascinating to talk to and learn from.

You're completely right that I could do with meeting other young people even platonically, I don't know how to do it without having to attend a bar or club though. Sport is not really my thing unfortunately.
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pencil_case
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#4
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Meet people in places you like going, that way you have already established a common interest.

If you enjoy going to libraries, museums, conventions and so on, strike up a conversation with someone. I understand that you are tired after a day at work, but a smile can work wonders

Don't give up - maybe you should stop looking and let love find you? When you focus on your own happiness, it shines through and you become a more attractive person, inside and out.
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Mockery
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#5
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What's wrong with your local town centre, coffee shop, busily frequented public area, or park? I'm being deadly serious when I advice that you just go up and speak to any random lass you see for whom you have an initial attraction.

Don't overthink it, just throw yourself in there. Smile and be friendly, feed off of any positive response you receive and the conversation will begin to flow. Any negative responses and you're able to just walk away.
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Anonymous #2
#6
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You could try okupid, I tried it for friends once and there was a lot of introverted people on there, both guys and girl, you can actually search 'introvert, or introverted' and it will lead you to them
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T1gga92
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#7
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Hey babes - just a comment to say that you shouldn't worry about finding someone; it'll happen when you least expect it. If you wanna PM me I don't mind answering any questions you have xx


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shakool2kool
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(Original post by pencil_case)
Meet people in places you like going, that way you have already established a common interest.

If you enjoy going to libraries, museums, conventions and so on, strike up a conversation with someone. I understand that you are tired after a day at work, but a smile can work wonders

Don't give up - maybe you should stop looking and let love find you? When you focus on your own happiness, it shines through and you become a more attractive person, inside and out.
Second this, especially the last part.
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Anonymous #1
#9
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
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(Original post by pencil_case)
Meet people in places you like going, that way you have already established a common interest.

If you enjoy going to libraries, museums, conventions and so on, strike up a conversation with someone. I understand that you are tired after a day at work, but a smile can work wonders

Don't give up - maybe you should stop looking and let love find you? When you focus on your own happiness, it shines through and you become a more attractive person, inside and out.
I have tried doing this already actually, but in the library it's really difficult to approach someone without drawing major attention to yourself.

Also, I do go to museums but there's hardly any women on their own walking around.

In terms of letting love find me, I have tried that but I'm petrified that it's more of a case of ME doing something wrong/pushing opportunities away
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Zarek
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#10
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#10
I understand your pain, I was around this age before love blossomed. It was very frustrating. The secret is to keep going. Try a hobby that brings you in contact with young single people. What is your job, are there any opportunities there? I am loath to recommend Internet dating as it is no panacea, but it could be worth a try. A 'dating mentor' seems like not a bad idea if you can find a friend or TSRer to help. But just keep going, unless you are in the popular set dating requires patience and tenacity. You will find success. One other thought, a good councillor particularly with experience of young people's issues, might be able to help you with your confidence issues. I spoke to a good one when I had teenage angst and it really helped. See your GP or just try googling. Good luck.
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LadyEcliptic
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#11
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#11
As said above, stop looking for love because you'll get yourself too bogged down by it. Just expand your social horizons a bit, maybe take up new hobbies or volunteering? I know what you mean about the whole clubbing thing, I can't get my head around why people find it entertaining, but you could always head to local pubs with friends for like, music nights and stuff

but i dont think there are actually set rules as to how to date someone you know just go with the flow when you find someone, I'm guessing it'll be different for everyone
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trustmeimlying1
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#12
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#12
(Original post by Anonymous)
I have been single since eternity. Here are my excuses.

- I had some opportunities during uni, but I was too stressed and busy with my course to take any any action
- I have graduated now, the environment is completely different.
- I am a quiet guy, introvert (this is not a confidence issue, I just have a quiet temperament)
- I have a niche personality - I have been described as 'enigmatic', 'thoughtful' and 'deep'
- I hate bars and clubs, and any sort of loud places - I have bad hearing AND my voice is low - it's very hard to communicate
- I don't understand how dating 'works' due to my lack of experience
- I have a high responsibility job and I am usually too tired at the end of the day to smile at strangers or make an effort
- Despite logically knowing that I have a lot to offer, my emotions/mind thinks otherwise
- Online dating NEVER works - far too much competition. I get some attention in public but these are in situations which are not suitable for approach (e.g. in the tube, etc)
- I don't know where to meet other young people that doesn't revolve around drinking or clubbing. I have tried meetup.com events but the attendees to stuff I like usually aren't my age

Everything else in my life is going fine. Dating is just the only thing that seems eternally hopeless, and I know it's my fault but I don't know how to fix it. Any advice?

Also, if there are any women (at least 20+) who are willing to be my dating mentor, I would appreciate it, I just need someone to get insights from and talk to
im afraid i've a penis so il let the gals help yeh out
(Original post by Swirll)
How is your social life?

Sounds like you could do with meeting other young people even platonically. What do you do for a living/outside work etc.? Sports clubs are a good place to meet people
I agree.platonic first..build the contacts/social life
a big way of finding a gf is through a friend as then they know youre decent straight off as your mates with their mate
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pinklillies
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#13
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#13
(Original post by Anonymous)
I have been single since eternity. Here are my excuses.

- I had some opportunities during uni, but I was too stressed and busy with my course to take any any action
- I have graduated now, the environment is completely different.
- I am a quiet guy, introvert (this is not a confidence issue, I just have a quiet temperament)
- I have a niche personality - I have been described as 'enigmatic', 'thoughtful' and 'deep'
- I hate bars and clubs, and any sort of loud places - I have bad hearing AND my voice is low - it's very hard to communicate
- I don't understand how dating 'works' due to my lack of experience
- I have a high responsibility job and I am usually too tired at the end of the day to smile at strangers or make an effort
- Despite logically knowing that I have a lot to offer, my emotions/mind thinks otherwise
- Online dating NEVER works - far too much competition. I get some attention in public but these are in situations which are not suitable for approach (e.g. in the tube, etc)
- I don't know where to meet other young people that doesn't revolve around drinking or clubbing. I have tried meetup.com events but the attendees to stuff I like usually aren't my age

Everything else in my life is going fine. Dating is just the only thing that seems eternally hopeless, and I know it's my fault but I don't know how to fix it. Any advice?

Also, if there are any women (at least 20+) who are willing to be my dating mentor, I would appreciate it, I just need someone to get insights from and talk to
Don't panic! 23 is young, you have years ahead of you still. Your time will come.
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pencil_case
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#14
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#14
(Original post by Anonymous)
In terms of letting love find me, I have tried that but I'm petrified that it's more of a case of ME doing something wrong/pushing opportunities away
What do you think you might be doing wrong?
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