How to avoid gold diggers?
I'm 22 and I've never been in a relationship with a girl. I've secured a job in London which will be paying me large amounts of money. I'm going into my third year of university and I just couldn't avoid telling my friends how much I'll be earning. I'm not even joking when I say I feel like certain girls in my friendship group are already being a lot more friendly towards me. I might be totally misinterpreting the signs though.
There is a girl in my friendship group I have liked for a long time now and she's probably already heard the news. I always feel like (probably because I'm optimistic) that I have a chance with this girl. Sometimes I feel she shows signs of liking me in the same way I like her but I never act or do anything because she is in a long term relationship, so it just wouldn't be right of me to do so. If she suddenly is a lot more flirty with me do I presume she is blinded by what money I will be earning, do I wait to make sure she isn't etc?
If I'm meeting a girl and it comes to the subject of what I'll be doing after university do I avoid telling them I've secured a job (the name of the job insinuates it's high paying)? I really want people to like me for who I am and considering I've had no experience with girls (and I'm now going to actually start making more of an effort) how do I approach this? Thanks for any help...
There is a girl in my friendship group I have liked for a long time now and she's probably already heard the news. I always feel like (probably because I'm optimistic) that I have a chance with this girl. Sometimes I feel she shows signs of liking me in the same way I like her but I never act or do anything because she is in a long term relationship, so it just wouldn't be right of me to do so. If she suddenly is a lot more flirty with me do I presume she is blinded by what money I will be earning, do I wait to make sure she isn't etc?
If I'm meeting a girl and it comes to the subject of what I'll be doing after university do I avoid telling them I've secured a job (the name of the job insinuates it's high paying)? I really want people to like me for who I am and considering I've had no experience with girls (and I'm now going to actually start making more of an effort) how do I approach this? Thanks for any help...
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Your best bet is to require any potential partner to be financially autonomous: make sure they have their own income and aren't expecting you to fund their lifestyle. Keep your finances separate, this will repel potential gold diggers as they won't be able to take advantage of your income.
Original post by Anonymous
I'm 22 and I've never been in a relationship with a girl. I've secured a job in London which will be paying me large amounts of money. I'm going into my third year of university and I just couldn't avoid telling my friends how much I'll be earning. I'm not even joking when I say I feel like certain girls in my friendship group are already being a lot more friendly towards me. I might be totally misinterpreting the signs though.
There is a girl in my friendship group I have liked for a long time now and she's probably already heard the news. I always feel like (probably because I'm optimistic) that I have a chance with this girl. Sometimes I feel she shows signs of liking me in the same way I like her but I never act or do anything because she is in a long term relationship, so it just wouldn't be right of me to do so. If she suddenly is a lot more flirty with me do I presume she is blinded by what money I will be earning, do I wait to make sure she isn't etc?
If I'm meeting a girl and it comes to the subject of what I'll be doing after university do I avoid telling them I've secured a job (the name of the job insinuates it's high paying)? I really want people to like me for who I am and considering I've had no experience with girls (and I'm now going to actually start making more of an effort) how do I approach this? Thanks for any help...
There is a girl in my friendship group I have liked for a long time now and she's probably already heard the news. I always feel like (probably because I'm optimistic) that I have a chance with this girl. Sometimes I feel she shows signs of liking me in the same way I like her but I never act or do anything because she is in a long term relationship, so it just wouldn't be right of me to do so. If she suddenly is a lot more flirty with me do I presume she is blinded by what money I will be earning, do I wait to make sure she isn't etc?
If I'm meeting a girl and it comes to the subject of what I'll be doing after university do I avoid telling them I've secured a job (the name of the job insinuates it's high paying)? I really want people to like me for who I am and considering I've had no experience with girls (and I'm now going to actually start making more of an effort) how do I approach this? Thanks for any help...
Yes you could, no one compelled you to divulge your salary.
Just date girls, and if you think they're expecting you to pay for everything and don't like it then end things, it's not difficult. Obviously this can be more difficult at our age when a lot of people, girls or guys, don't have much of their own money yet. For example, if she's a student don't expect her to pay half when you suggest somewhere decent, you're going to have to pony up.
Some guys at ours lie about their jobs on dating profile websites (so put teacher or something), but tbh I don't see how starting off with a lie is beneficial to any ensuing relationship.
Also, no offence, but if you've previously struggled to get girls at uni and are now headed to the City it really won't get easier. At uni you had time to devote to getting with a girl, once you're working it's a hard sell to say 'I do really like you, but I'm in the office for 18 hours a day for the next 2 weeks so maybe we could meet up for a coffee in a fortnight?'
I think it may not be a good idea to treat all women as potential gold diggers. Many women want a financially stable life and who can blame them ? One of the benefits of high paid jobs is that women looking for long term relationships will now include you in their list of prospects. So why not embrace it and enjoy it ? You could of course return the compliment and only date women who are also headed to financial independence and good careers if you wish. 
Original post by Old_Simon
I think it may not be a good idea to treat all women as potential gold diggers. Many women want a financially stable life and who can blame them ? One of the benefits of high paid jobs is that women looking for long term relationships will now include you in their list of prospects. So why not embrace it and enjoy it ? You could of course return the compliment and only date women who are also headed to financial independence and good careers if you wish.
He wants a financially stable life too, which is why he is putting his effort into getting a high end job, as should any woman who is after the same thing. Women looking to bag a successful guy while having no aspirations of their own are just pathetic.
They are going to marry you, divorce you then leave with half haha.
Just kidding. Why don't you wait until you start work then you can look for city girls that also earn quite a lot. Then you have a girl with independence.
also just thought you should know that my friend, who is currently in sales, told me that his co worker dumped her bf because he lacked ambition. Don't know what he's doing but just keep a lookout. You're still young
Just kidding. Why don't you wait until you start work then you can look for city girls that also earn quite a lot. Then you have a girl with independence.
also just thought you should know that my friend, who is currently in sales, told me that his co worker dumped her bf because he lacked ambition. Don't know what he's doing but just keep a lookout. You're still young
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by ilem
He wants a financially stable life too, which is why he is putting his effort into getting a high end job, as should any woman who is after the same thing. Women looking to bag a successful guy while having no aspirations of their own are just pathetic.
Many men married to very career minded women would not agree with you.
A less ambitious and less hard working partner can be a very great asset in life. (Unless you come from a fantastically money driven culture paying half your income to your parents).
I could of course have avoided telling my friends how much I'll be earning. However, we're a really close group of friends who some of will be heading down similar paths and I try not to hide anything from them. In any event I didn't want to avoid divulging my luck and the name of the job will tell anyone I'll be earning a lot.
I certainly don't treat all women as gold diggers, my question is how to spot and avoid gold diggers. Thanks a lot for the answers everyone I have found them really useful so far.
I certainly don't treat all women as gold diggers, my question is how to spot and avoid gold diggers. Thanks a lot for the answers everyone I have found them really useful so far.
Original post by Old_Simon
Many men married to very career minded women would not agree with you.
A less ambitious and less hard working partner can be a very great asset in life. (Unless you come from a fantastically money driven culture paying half your income to your parents).
A less ambitious and less hard working partner can be a very great asset in life. (Unless you come from a fantastically money driven culture paying half your income to your parents).
I know quite a few men are after such partners and it baffles me completely. I would be unable to respect my partner at all if she expected me to carry the financial weight while she lounged around the house. I'd probably rather go gay than condone some entitled girl's lifestyle with the money I've earned.
Original post by ilem
I know quite a few men are after such partners and it baffles me completely. I would be unable to respect my partner at all if she expected me to carry the financial weight while she lounged around the house. I'd probably rather go gay than condone some entitled girl's lifestyle with the money I've earned.
What a weird view of life and what is or is not deserving of "respect".
Original post by ilem
He wants a financially stable life too, which is why he is putting his effort into getting a high end job, as should any woman who is after the same thing. Women looking to bag a successful guy while having no aspirations of their own are just pathetic.
Most guys at ours seem to want the opposite. If you're working the hours they/we do and want a family, but not boarding, then having someone who's got a less intense job is much easier.
It's easier if you're happy with boarding, but even then someone's got to take a fairly major career break from the eldest's birth to when the youngest leaves at 7.
Original post by Old_Simon
What a weird view of life and what is or is not deserving of "respect".
I don't see anything to respect about wanting to spend your life living off someone else's income while achieving nothing noteworthy.
Original post by Le Nombre
Most guys at ours seem to want the opposite. If you're working the hours they/we do and want a family, but not boarding, then having someone who's got a less intense job is much easier.
It's easier if you're happy with boarding, but even then someone's got to take a fairly major career break from the eldest's birth to when the youngest leaves at 7.
It's easier if you're happy with boarding, but even then someone's got to take a fairly major career break from the eldest's birth to when the youngest leaves at 7.
Yeah I'm definitely in the minority with what I want from a partner. I don't mind a certain disparity of incomes but I definitely want to avoid being the provider.
I don't know what to tell you. I would certainly hate a situation in which I depend on a man for money. My mother and father were like that, and they have the model relationship of the sort of relationship I do not want. I plan on getting married much later in life, when I'm comfortable with my finances.
You could always try the classic pretend you're pretty poor and see who wants you regardless. Although, there is the issue of having lied to her when you do finally tell her
Out of sheer curiosity, how much will you be paid/where will you be working? It's not like we know who you are
You could always try the classic pretend you're pretty poor and see who wants you regardless. Although, there is the issue of having lied to her when you do finally tell her
Out of sheer curiosity, how much will you be paid/where will you be working? It's not like we know who you are
Original post by ilem
I don't see anything to respect about wanting to spend your life living off someone else's income while achieving nothing noteworthy. Yeah I'm definitely in the minority with what I want from a partner. I don't mind a certain disparity of incomes but I definitely want to avoid being the provider.
Well good luck with this. You seem to have no value for a woman as mother / home maker / comforter for the man. No wonder a lot of kids go off the rails.
Original post by ilem
I don't see anything to respect about wanting to spend your life living off someone else's income while achieving nothing noteworthy.
Yeah I'm definitely in the minority with what I want from a partner. I don't mind a certain disparity of incomes but I definitely want to avoid being the provider.
Yeah I'm definitely in the minority with what I want from a partner. I don't mind a certain disparity of incomes but I definitely want to avoid being the provider.
If you do certain jobs though, and want a family, it's virtually impossible. I'm killing time in the office atm waiting on a completion, just in case anything comes in I need to do, but I've been here since Thursday morning. If I was married to someone doing a similar job and had kids they wouldn't have seen their parents all weekend...
Also, the number of people who earn more than my bosses is pretty limited, it's narrowing your scope greatly. I suppose you could just save vast amounts to avoid being the one who provided your lifestlye, but that seems a bit of a chopping off your nose to spite your face situation.
(edited 9 years ago)
If someone asks about your plans for after uni, just say you know the role you want but you haven't secured a job yet.
In terms of the girl with a bf, I'd be wary of her especially if shes only nice to you now she knows what you're going to earn. A friend of mine found out a mutual friend of ours earn a lot for their summer job and now acts overly nice to them despite repeatedly telling me what a knob they are, so you may experience this a bit.
Posted from TSR Mobile
In terms of the girl with a bf, I'd be wary of her especially if shes only nice to you now she knows what you're going to earn. A friend of mine found out a mutual friend of ours earn a lot for their summer job and now acts overly nice to them despite repeatedly telling me what a knob they are, so you may experience this a bit.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by ilem
I don't see anything to respect about wanting to spend your life living off someone else's income while achieving nothing noteworthy.
Yeah I'm definitely in the minority with what I want from a partner. I don't mind a certain disparity of incomes but I definitely want to avoid being the provider.
Yeah I'm definitely in the minority with what I want from a partner. I don't mind a certain disparity of incomes but I definitely want to avoid being the provider.
You take way too much pride in what you earn.
Original post by Delciate
I don't know what to tell you. I would certainly hate a situation in which I depend on a man for money. My mother and father were like that, and they have the model relationship of the sort of relationship I do not want. I plan on getting married much later in life, when I'm comfortable with my finances.
You could always try the classic pretend you're pretty poor and see who wants you regardless. Although, there is the issue of having lied to her when you do finally tell her
Out of sheer curiosity, how much will you be paid/where will you be working? It's not like we know who you are
You could always try the classic pretend you're pretty poor and see who wants you regardless. Although, there is the issue of having lied to her when you do finally tell her
Out of sheer curiosity, how much will you be paid/where will you be working? It's not like we know who you are
I'll be starting on about £80k not including any bonus which rises substantially over the years. I would expect to be earning over £500k by the time I'm in my thirties. I haven't told my friends what the prospects are like, only the starting salary.
Original post by Anonymous
I'll be starting on about £80k not including any bonus which rises substantially over the years. I would expect to be earning over £500k by the time I'm in my thirties. I haven't told my friends what the prospects are like, only the starting salary.
I think you need to be more afraid of copper/coal diggers, for you have no gold. In relative terms, you're nothing much. Comfortable yes, wealthy, hell no.
And why do you care what they earn anyway? If they expect too much, you get rid. This isn't rocket science.
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