problem with a lady (long one)

Sorry this is a bit of a long one and kind of gets a bit detailed, for which I apologise, but I feel is essential in order to recreate the overall situation I find myself in.

I’ve been dating this lady for over a year now, and I love her to bits, and I know she feels a lot for me, if not love itself. She’s told me that she loves me and that she really wants to be my girl and stuff but recent events have led me to think maybe she doesn’t or isn’t feeling me anymore.

Now, we have been speaking to each other on the phone every day for the last year, and it was proper intense, up until 2 weeks ago, when we went out. We had an amazing evening, and she even told me so, and things were getting a bit hot and heavy, but that’s how it always is with us whenever we meet and talk even on the phone.

The thing is, we both got drunk and we were speaking about us and sex and how she imagines it and how we'd be good etc. We have been wanting to more or less since we met, but time is really hard to find between work, college, and family being around (especially when my dad is always at home - retired) and we also don’t want to rush it

She was lying in my lap, and I was feeling her so much and really wanted to pleasure her – it felt right. I caressed her and I’m sure she was enjoying it. Eventually I put a hand into her jeans but outside her knickers and not all the way down, just so if she was uncomfortable I would be able to tell and she would have a chance to tell me, without just jumping straight in so to speak.

Thing is, that she was comfortable with it and didn’t freeze up or anything and smiled, but she asked me if was taking advantage of her because she was drunk. I’d never take advantage of her – ever, so I pulled out and explained that to her. We continued kissing and holding and stuff, and she told me that she loves me a lot when left.

Thing is, I spoke to her the next day and everything was good between us still, and then I didn’t hear from her for a week. I then chatted to her last week for literally 3 minutes and she told me she'd been busy and stuff, and I was like fair enough. She also mentioned something about feeling like a tw*t for getting drunk. She then promised to phone me on the weekend, and didn't. Since then I still haven’t chatted to her, and I sent her a text saying ‘ring me when you have time’.

Also, I planned a big birthday for her, and she couldn’t make it last minute, as she wasn’t really local.
Yet two weeks later, she complained to me how a friend of hers invited her to see him, and how she travelled for like 2 hours and got lost and stuff and he didn’t really seem to care. That annoyed the hell out of me, as she just randomly went to this mate of hers, but couldn’t be bothered (for want of a better word) to travel to see me for her birthday, when I would have picked her up from the station, driven her there and dropped her off home. (I know she doesn’t fancy this friend and she told me she would never get with him so I’m not worried on that front)

I mean what can I do? I want to talk to her, but I’m not going to keep ringing her all the time and she seems to not want to phone me or whatever.
I haven’t exactly had a chance to talk to her about the aforementioned annoyances, but since then, the more I think about it the more it annoys me. I really do love her to bits, but I don’t feel like I can keep this up. I also know it’s only been 3ish weeks, but this is really the first time we haven't chatted for so long.

Can anyone see why this is happening?
Am I just overreacting? It’s just so frustrating.
Is it really that unreasonable to expect even 10 minutes of her day just to phone me, or whatever?
should that whole thing with her mate piss me off? or is it a minor thing thats not worth worrying about?

Sorry once again for the longgg post and for anything else.
Thanks

Reply 1

pumpkin7

sounds dodgey to me.

i'd just try my hardest to talk to her. i mean, write her an email or something and ask her whats up. none of us can really tell you what's going on in her head, so somehow get to speak to her. go round her house or something. but that's the only way you will get it sorted.

Reply 2

username47781

pumpkin7

I Agree i think thats the only thing you can do, it sounds like shes either confused or just going hot and cold on you.

Reply 3

poltroon

Expressing annoyance with herself for getting drunk would suggest that she did something that night that she didn't really want to do, and wouldn't have done otherwise. My guess, then, is that she feels embarrassed about what happened. So, next time you talk to her, subtly address this issue. Make a lighthearted reference to that night and see how she responds. Go from there. Also I'm guessing that this is a long distance relationship, but could you clarify?

Reply 4

toipot2

Have you actually told her that your concered about this?
She may have been busy and the idea not occoured to her, it might surprise her if you actually say your worried!

I think it would be best to arrange to meet in person.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Thanks for the replies so far.

The funny thing is (well...) is that its not a long distance thing. We live literally 5 minutes away from each other and regularly go out a lot - she's even sneaked out the house for me and stuff in the early hours. I just don't understand it.

I can understand that she's embarrassed, but its not the first time we've spoken about sex, or even gotten to such a stage, but those times we were always sober. So perhaps it is that... I will address it, but can't, as I cannot get hold of her. I did tell her again when sober how I wouldn't take advantage of her, but I'll try a different tact next time.

Thanks again guys

Reply 6

bunnycatkid

you sound like a very nice guy, and she sounds terrified. I doubt it is anything to do with you, she just sounds like shes not ready, she should know you have not taken advantage as you didnt do much and then stopped, but I think you should talk to her, either on the phone or just a long email or something, you come across sounding really upset by this and if you have been dating for a year I am sure she will pick up on it. If she is worried that you want to take things further why don't you invite her somewhere a situation like that isn't really possible? Shopping, cinema when its really busy, dinner with your parents.. good luck :smile:

Reply 7

The_Bear

"but she asked me if was taking advantage of her because she was drunk."

Wow that must have REALLY killed the mood. How old are you if you don't mind me asking?

Reply 8

mipmapped

I think she's embarrassed because she got into a sexual situation with you but nothing happened.

I don't think woman like inviting sex and not getting it.

Reply 9

burningwings

mipmapped

I think she's embarrassed because she got into a sexual situation with you but nothing happened.

I don't think woman like inviting sex and not getting it.

Yeah, I think it's this one!!!

Reply 10

toipot2

Heh, I got the impression that this was a long distance relationship from the first post :smile:

They key things gotta be communication, talk it over with her.

Reply 11

SianyLou

How can you say she's not exactly local, and won't travel to see you...only to say she lives 5mins away?!

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

We're both 18. And I don't think her asking if I was taking advantage of her is a bad thing, if indeed it was a bit of a mood killer, because it's better to wait and do something when you both know exactly what you're feeling than to just rush it, and regret it later, bringing further awkwardness into the mix.

thanks guys again

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

Oh, sorry I don't think I made that particularly clear, this was for her birthday only, as she went out the night before, and I was working that night. She travelled out, and hence couldn't come back that quickly. It's not the fact she cancelled that pissed me off, it was the latter bit, where she went on to complain about this guy, when she did it to me not 2 weeks before.
Usually stuff like that doesn't annoy me, as I'm quite a naturally chilled out person, but its just compounded into everything else.