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Dealing with grief
Hi, i wouldn't normally post this sort of thing here but i'm just desperate to let out some of what i am feeling tonight.
This evening, my dog tripped whilst running and broke his neck. We ran over to him but we could tell immediately that it was bad. He wasn't moving and just his eyes were moving around. My dad ran to a nearby house to call the emergency vet whilst we stayed with my dog. He stopped breathing so we literally gave him mouth to mouth resusitation and succeeded in getting him to breathe again. All the while he lay there, concious and with us. We talked to him and stroked him. The vet came and him and we stretcherd him off into the car, (after about 30 minutes since the injury). He was rushed for an x-ray and it turned out one of the vertebrae has snapped and had puctures his spinal chord just blow the brain. Thats why he stuggled to get up but could not. Apaprently also why he had had trouble breathing it was so far up.
Anyway, the prognosis was bad and he was put down. I'm in shock, earlier today he was happy, fit 4 year old boy. Now he is dead. All in the space of 2 hours. How could life be so fragile?
I suppose many people have worse problems but this is the first time i have lost someone so close. We've had cats die but this is a million times worse. Some people might say he was just a pet but this dog was truly a member of the family, i feel like i have lost a brother.
Anyway, i just needed to type this out. I've gone from intense emotion to virtual silence, i can't really take it in that he's gone. Not sure what to do, in a strange way i feel some sort of relief because he is dead and thats so final, i can't really put my finger on it. I keep expecting to hear him run up the stairs any second.
This evening, my dog tripped whilst running and broke his neck. We ran over to him but we could tell immediately that it was bad. He wasn't moving and just his eyes were moving around. My dad ran to a nearby house to call the emergency vet whilst we stayed with my dog. He stopped breathing so we literally gave him mouth to mouth resusitation and succeeded in getting him to breathe again. All the while he lay there, concious and with us. We talked to him and stroked him. The vet came and him and we stretcherd him off into the car, (after about 30 minutes since the injury). He was rushed for an x-ray and it turned out one of the vertebrae has snapped and had puctures his spinal chord just blow the brain. Thats why he stuggled to get up but could not. Apaprently also why he had had trouble breathing it was so far up.
Anyway, the prognosis was bad and he was put down. I'm in shock, earlier today he was happy, fit 4 year old boy. Now he is dead. All in the space of 2 hours. How could life be so fragile?
I suppose many people have worse problems but this is the first time i have lost someone so close. We've had cats die but this is a million times worse. Some people might say he was just a pet but this dog was truly a member of the family, i feel like i have lost a brother.
Anyway, i just needed to type this out. I've gone from intense emotion to virtual silence, i can't really take it in that he's gone. Not sure what to do, in a strange way i feel some sort of relief because he is dead and thats so final, i can't really put my finger on it. I keep expecting to hear him run up the stairs any second.
Reply 1
We can't cling to things that change. That's how I rationalise grief. Nothing is ours, indeed. Impermanence is the defining nature of most things. As an exprimental Buddhist, I have always tried to live by this principle. It helps me deal with loss. Cling to a freeze frame of reality, and you cling to a ghost when the moment has passed. What I think anyway. Good night to you sir.
Reply 3
I am so sorry, that’s such a terrible thing. I have a dog and can imagine the horror you went through. I can relate in a way, to what you are feeling, I went through the same thing when my cat got run over years ago. Although it wont feel like this at the moment, the pain you are experiencing will fade- but not disappear and you will be left with the memories
Reply 4
Zebedee
Hi, i wouldn't normally post this sort of thing here but i'm just desperate to let out some of what i am feeling tonight.
This evening, my dog tripped whilst running and broke his neck. We ran over to him but we could tell immediately that it was bad. He wasn't moving and just his eyes were moving around. My dad ran to a nearby house to call the emergency vet whilst we stayed with my dog. He stopped breathing so we literally gave him mouth to mouth resusitation and succeeded in getting him to breathe again. All the while he lay there, concious and with us. We talked to him and stroked him. The vet came and him and we stretcherd him off into the car, (after about 30 minutes since the injury). He was rushed for an x-ray and it turned out one of the vertebrae has snapped and had puctures his spinal chord just blow the brain. Thats why he stuggled to get up but could not. Apaprently also why he had had trouble breathing it was so far up.
Anyway, the prognosis was bad and he was put down. I'm in shock, earlier today he was happy, fit 4 year old boy. Now he is dead. All in the space of 2 hours. How could life be so fragile?
I suppose many people have worse problems but this is the first time i have lost someone so close. We've had cats die but this is a million times worse. Some people might say he was just a pet but this dog was truly a member of the family, i feel like i have lost a brother.
Anyway, i just needed to type this out. I've gone from intense emotion to virtual silence, i can't really take it in that he's gone. Not sure what to do, in a strange way i feel some sort of relief because he is dead and thats so final, i can't really put my finger on it. I keep expecting to hear him run up the stairs any second.
This evening, my dog tripped whilst running and broke his neck. We ran over to him but we could tell immediately that it was bad. He wasn't moving and just his eyes were moving around. My dad ran to a nearby house to call the emergency vet whilst we stayed with my dog. He stopped breathing so we literally gave him mouth to mouth resusitation and succeeded in getting him to breathe again. All the while he lay there, concious and with us. We talked to him and stroked him. The vet came and him and we stretcherd him off into the car, (after about 30 minutes since the injury). He was rushed for an x-ray and it turned out one of the vertebrae has snapped and had puctures his spinal chord just blow the brain. Thats why he stuggled to get up but could not. Apaprently also why he had had trouble breathing it was so far up.
Anyway, the prognosis was bad and he was put down. I'm in shock, earlier today he was happy, fit 4 year old boy. Now he is dead. All in the space of 2 hours. How could life be so fragile?
I suppose many people have worse problems but this is the first time i have lost someone so close. We've had cats die but this is a million times worse. Some people might say he was just a pet but this dog was truly a member of the family, i feel like i have lost a brother.
Anyway, i just needed to type this out. I've gone from intense emotion to virtual silence, i can't really take it in that he's gone. Not sure what to do, in a strange way i feel some sort of relief because he is dead and thats so final, i can't really put my finger on it. I keep expecting to hear him run up the stairs any second.
Hiya, really sorry
This is totally normal he was a family member and I can tell that you loved him, things will get better in time and all I can suggest is just keep yourself occupied and just go with the flow.. its fine to think and cry about this. At least he was with his family at the time and you did the best thing that you could for him and stayed with him so you should be proud of that! A lot of owners wouldn't be able to handle and cope with that stress. You said he was fit and healthy so im guessing he has had 4 damn good years and has had a lot of fun with a family who cares about him, try and remember this. Im actually crying a bit myself now lol when I think of pets that have died, you will feel more and more better as time goes by though. I was going to suggest getting a new pet not to replace him as this is impossible but to occupy your mind but its up to you this works for some people but not others.Reply 5
I was the same way when I eventually had to put my last dog down because his broken leg wasn't healing. It is hard, I know, but just remember the good times, not today's events.
What goodLife said about getting a new pet is a good idea, but I've always believed in waiting a while before getting another one. Also, with experience with dogs, I'd strongly advise against getting one of the same breed unless you and your family absolutely adore that type. I made the mistake of getting a second black labrador after having the last put down because I love labradors, and they only look good in black in my opinion, but at times I can't help but remember the hard times with my last dog.
And you'll probably find that most people form more of an emotional attachment with dogs than with people. I don't cry at funerals, but when my dogs die I do. They truely are the greatest companions. Anyone that says they're "just a pet" obviously has no idea what they're talking about.
What goodLife said about getting a new pet is a good idea, but I've always believed in waiting a while before getting another one. Also, with experience with dogs, I'd strongly advise against getting one of the same breed unless you and your family absolutely adore that type. I made the mistake of getting a second black labrador after having the last put down because I love labradors, and they only look good in black in my opinion, but at times I can't help but remember the hard times with my last dog.
And you'll probably find that most people form more of an emotional attachment with dogs than with people. I don't cry at funerals, but when my dogs die I do. They truely are the greatest companions. Anyone that says they're "just a pet" obviously has no idea what they're talking about.
I feel your pain. A lot of people who aren't animal lovers really can't understand how much it hurts, but I cried like a baby when my cat was run over, and at 13, my dog can't have that many more years left in him, although he is phenomenally fit for his age. Still, when he dies I'll be crying my eyes out.
All you can do is remember the good times and how much love you gave him while he was alive.
All you can do is remember the good times and how much love you gave him while he was alive.
Oh my God - that is a horrible story!
I feel so bad for you. I know exactly how I would feel if something like that happened to my dog. It's bad enough when a dog dies naturally, without such a freak injury like that - it's not something you would ever imagine to happen.
My dog is part of our family, and so I know what you mean when you say he was like a brother as that is how I see my dog - although many people think it's stupid - you do get unbelievably attached to them.
Again, I am really sorry.
It will take a lot of time to get used to it, but as they say time is a great healer and after a while you will feel better. *hugs*
I feel so bad for you. I know exactly how I would feel if something like that happened to my dog. It's bad enough when a dog dies naturally, without such a freak injury like that - it's not something you would ever imagine to happen.
My dog is part of our family, and so I know what you mean when you say he was like a brother as that is how I see my dog - although many people think it's stupid - you do get unbelievably attached to them.
Again, I am really sorry.
It will take a lot of time to get used to it, but as they say time is a great healer and after a while you will feel better. *hugs*
Reply 8
One of my cats died in April and it was a bit of a shock.I went out and came back to find him lying dead in his basket....it seems he'd had some kind of fit or heart attack.
He was always such a sweet little cat and I was so worried that he died in pain and that I wasn't there(I felt guilty that had I been in I could have saved his life or something)...
It's still a bit strange that he isn't here.For a few weeks after I kept calling out his name,expecting him to come and sit on my knee or something but he didn't.I sometimes still think I see him coming through the door or hear him miaowing or something.
We still have his brother but it's still weird waking up with just one cat sat on my feet instead of two...
When he died we buried him in the garden and put flowers on his grave.It sounds silly but it helped a lot. We'd had him for 10 years and he was so sweet and cute and such a nice mannered little catAww,I miss Rob
I'm sorry to hear about your dog but trust me,what you're feeling is perfectly natural.The dog was a part of your family and life and for him not to be there anymore must be horrible.
He was always such a sweet little cat and I was so worried that he died in pain and that I wasn't there(I felt guilty that had I been in I could have saved his life or something)...
It's still a bit strange that he isn't here.For a few weeks after I kept calling out his name,expecting him to come and sit on my knee or something but he didn't.I sometimes still think I see him coming through the door or hear him miaowing or something.
We still have his brother but it's still weird waking up with just one cat sat on my feet instead of two...
When he died we buried him in the garden and put flowers on his grave.It sounds silly but it helped a lot. We'd had him for 10 years and he was so sweet and cute and such a nice mannered little cat
Aww,I miss RobI'm sorry to hear about your dog but trust me,what you're feeling is perfectly natural.The dog was a part of your family and life and for him not to be there anymore must be horrible.
Zebedee
Hi, i wouldn't normally post this sort of thing here but i'm just desperate to let out some of what i am feeling tonight.
This evening, my dog tripped whilst running and broke his neck. We ran over to him but we could tell immediately that it was bad. He wasn't moving and just his eyes were moving around. My dad ran to a nearby house to call the emergency vet whilst we stayed with my dog. He stopped breathing so we literally gave him mouth to mouth resusitation and succeeded in getting him to breathe again. All the while he lay there, concious and with us. We talked to him and stroked him. The vet came and him and we stretcherd him off into the car, (after about 30 minutes since the injury). He was rushed for an x-ray and it turned out one of the vertebrae has snapped and had puctures his spinal chord just blow the brain. Thats why he stuggled to get up but could not. Apaprently also why he had had trouble breathing it was so far up.
Anyway, the prognosis was bad and he was put down. I'm in shock, earlier today he was happy, fit 4 year old boy. Now he is dead. All in the space of 2 hours. How could life be so fragile?
I suppose many people have worse problems but this is the first time i have lost someone so close. We've had cats die but this is a million times worse. Some people might say he was just a pet but this dog was truly a member of the family, i feel like i have lost a brother.
Anyway, i just needed to type this out. I've gone from intense emotion to virtual silence, i can't really take it in that he's gone. Not sure what to do, in a strange way i feel some sort of relief because he is dead and thats so final, i can't really put my finger on it. I keep expecting to hear him run up the stairs any second.
This evening, my dog tripped whilst running and broke his neck. We ran over to him but we could tell immediately that it was bad. He wasn't moving and just his eyes were moving around. My dad ran to a nearby house to call the emergency vet whilst we stayed with my dog. He stopped breathing so we literally gave him mouth to mouth resusitation and succeeded in getting him to breathe again. All the while he lay there, concious and with us. We talked to him and stroked him. The vet came and him and we stretcherd him off into the car, (after about 30 minutes since the injury). He was rushed for an x-ray and it turned out one of the vertebrae has snapped and had puctures his spinal chord just blow the brain. Thats why he stuggled to get up but could not. Apaprently also why he had had trouble breathing it was so far up.
Anyway, the prognosis was bad and he was put down. I'm in shock, earlier today he was happy, fit 4 year old boy. Now he is dead. All in the space of 2 hours. How could life be so fragile?
I suppose many people have worse problems but this is the first time i have lost someone so close. We've had cats die but this is a million times worse. Some people might say he was just a pet but this dog was truly a member of the family, i feel like i have lost a brother.
Anyway, i just needed to type this out. I've gone from intense emotion to virtual silence, i can't really take it in that he's gone. Not sure what to do, in a strange way i feel some sort of relief because he is dead and thats so final, i can't really put my finger on it. I keep expecting to hear him run up the stairs any second.
i won't judge you for being close to your pet. but i know where you're coming from.
he's in a better place now, just think of the positives for your dog. i'm sure he won't have to go through suffering of life and stuff anymore like we do. of course you're going to miss him but hes in a better place, and if thats any consolidation then you should think that.
try not to think about it too much, i can imagine how empty everything may feel but it does take time to adjust back to some form of normality, it will happen.
all good things come to an end, and that is life.
Zebedee
Hi, i wouldn't normally post this sort of thing here but i'm just desperate to let out some of what i am feeling tonight.
This evening, my dog tripped whilst running and broke his neck. We ran over to him but we could tell immediately that it was bad. He wasn't moving and just his eyes were moving around. My dad ran to a nearby house to call the emergency vet whilst we stayed with my dog. He stopped breathing so we literally gave him mouth to mouth resusitation and succeeded in getting him to breathe again. All the while he lay there, concious and with us. We talked to him and stroked him. The vet came and him and we stretcherd him off into the car, (after about 30 minutes since the injury). He was rushed for an x-ray and it turned out one of the vertebrae has snapped and had puctures his spinal chord just blow the brain. Thats why he stuggled to get up but could not. Apaprently also why he had had trouble breathing it was so far up.
Anyway, the prognosis was bad and he was put down. I'm in shock, earlier today he was happy, fit 4 year old boy. Now he is dead. All in the space of 2 hours. How could life be so fragile?
I suppose many people have worse problems but this is the first time i have lost someone so close. We've had cats die but this is a million times worse. Some people might say he was just a pet but this dog was truly a member of the family, i feel like i have lost a brother.
Anyway, i just needed to type this out. I've gone from intense emotion to virtual silence, i can't really take it in that he's gone. Not sure what to do, in a strange way i feel some sort of relief because he is dead and thats so final, i can't really put my finger on it. I keep expecting to hear him run up the stairs any second.
This evening, my dog tripped whilst running and broke his neck. We ran over to him but we could tell immediately that it was bad. He wasn't moving and just his eyes were moving around. My dad ran to a nearby house to call the emergency vet whilst we stayed with my dog. He stopped breathing so we literally gave him mouth to mouth resusitation and succeeded in getting him to breathe again. All the while he lay there, concious and with us. We talked to him and stroked him. The vet came and him and we stretcherd him off into the car, (after about 30 minutes since the injury). He was rushed for an x-ray and it turned out one of the vertebrae has snapped and had puctures his spinal chord just blow the brain. Thats why he stuggled to get up but could not. Apaprently also why he had had trouble breathing it was so far up.
Anyway, the prognosis was bad and he was put down. I'm in shock, earlier today he was happy, fit 4 year old boy. Now he is dead. All in the space of 2 hours. How could life be so fragile?
I suppose many people have worse problems but this is the first time i have lost someone so close. We've had cats die but this is a million times worse. Some people might say he was just a pet but this dog was truly a member of the family, i feel like i have lost a brother.
Anyway, i just needed to type this out. I've gone from intense emotion to virtual silence, i can't really take it in that he's gone. Not sure what to do, in a strange way i feel some sort of relief because he is dead and thats so final, i can't really put my finger on it. I keep expecting to hear him run up the stairs any second.
I know you said that it's not the same with cats, but I've had cats around me ever since I was a baby and I absolutely adore them; as with your dog, they are members of my family
Getting on for 2 years ago, we were calling one of my cats, who I'd had for 11 years, in for dinner, and he wasn't coming. I kept looking out the back door to see if I could see him but he wasn't there. Then eventually my mom looked out and he was there, but he was lying on the patio, not moving. She called me outside and there was obviously something really wrong. We scooped him up and wrapped him in a blanket and took him to the emergency vet, but he died in my arms on the way. It turns out that, like with your dog breaking his neck, it was a really sudden thing. The vet reckoned a brain haemorrhage or heart attack. I know what happened with your little dog is worse because he stayed was so much younger and stayed alive longer
So it will probably be harder for you to get over it. What I did when my cat died was I just let myself cry and cry and I didn't try to hide from it. We buried him a day or two after it happened, and I buried a letter with him that I wrote to him, it sounds silly I know, but I made sure I wrote how much I loved him and that I'd never forget him - all the things I wanted to tell him. I think that helped to give me some closure. Another thing that helped was my mom buying me a new kitten about 6 months later. While nothing could ever replace my old cat, having a new member of the family is just as heartening and can help fill that sad little hole in your heart. He takes my mind off missing him, and even though he still reminds me of my old cat sometimes, it's something I can laugh about rather than being sad. Now, I can think about him, and smile
Maybe, in a few months, you could think about getting a new little friend too?It's probably the most overly-dished out advice ever, but just try and remember all the little things you loved about him, his little cute quirks and habits, and the things that made him, him. And I bet wherever he is now, he's doing great, just as you will be soon too
So my advice is to just push on through the sadness, let yourself cry, and let your family and friends be there for you. But make sure you don't sit around and mope forever, try and stay busy and take your mind off it! Keep ploughing on and you'll be through the worst of it before you know it
I hope this helps!
Reply 11
I know how you feel, last week we had to have our dog put down, I stayed with her because I didn't want her to be alone and it was horrible seeing her fighting them putting the needle in her, I s'pose that was the worst part about the experience, because I know she was ill and is better off where she is now. This might seem harsh but time does heal it, granted I still get upset thinking about it and it's weird being all alone in the house when my parents are out, but it'll heal with time. Just think, he had a good 4 happy years, a lot of animals don't get that, so just think you made his life a good one. It's normal to be upset.
Thank you for your kind comments, i'm feeling a bit better now. I've accepted it but to be honest i'm just trying to avoid thinking about it, its too painfull. I do feel better than last night.
Its comforting to know other people are thinking about us, we have had a lot of phone calls from the breeder etc because this dog was quite active in dog showing so it feels like we can share it better.
Unfortunately i'm a staunch atheist, i can completely understand why people turn to god in times live this. I feel myself trying to do the same, i don't so much feel that hes in a better place but at least he's no longer in pain.
I draw confort from the fact we were with him all the way whilst he was paralysed. He was fighting it i know and i hope he was not in too much pain. I know for a fact that he lived a very full life, he's been placed at crufts, competed in dog racing and won the leaque, he's been to france, scotland and ireland, how many dogs have done all that in 4 years?
Anyway, i'm rambling now. I hope our other dog is not too upset i don't think he really realises that anything has happened.
Its comforting to know other people are thinking about us, we have had a lot of phone calls from the breeder etc because this dog was quite active in dog showing so it feels like we can share it better.
Unfortunately i'm a staunch atheist, i can completely understand why people turn to god in times live this. I feel myself trying to do the same, i don't so much feel that hes in a better place but at least he's no longer in pain.
I draw confort from the fact we were with him all the way whilst he was paralysed. He was fighting it i know and i hope he was not in too much pain. I know for a fact that he lived a very full life, he's been placed at crufts, competed in dog racing and won the leaque, he's been to france, scotland and ireland, how many dogs have done all that in 4 years?
Anyway, i'm rambling now. I hope our other dog is not too upset i don't think he really realises that anything has happened.
If you are artistically inclined you could try putting your grief into a creation such as a song or a piece of art. This might help you come to terms with your loss and put your feelings into perspective. After doing this you may feel like you are more prepared to move forward in your life, while still having a good reminder of your pet. Good luck.
Just remember that he had a happy, healthy active life and didn't grow old, stiff and ill. Remember the 4 years , not the last hours. And you have another dog so the dog bowls etc are still in use and not unhappy reminders. The short-lived pain is over now so doesn't make any differece if you're an aetheist or not, the worst is over.
Reply 15
I know it's not like using a loved one in the family but it's still so tragic because a pet really is part of the family.
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