friend with benefits

Hey, I am feeling a bit lonely nowadays and I was wondering, how do you get a friend with benefits? I know this sounds a bit stupid but I mean, you don’t just ask the guy if he wants to be your “friend with benefits”, so how do you do it?

Reply 1

Montrose

17

Well really it is advisable not to do it at all. Someone will inevitably get more attached than the other which means someone ends up getting hurt. Not only that, but when you do finally find a true partner, what happens between you will mean less - better to wait for the real thing.

Reply 2

silverbolt

19

do you have a male best friend? someone you can trust, then see if hes up for it, as long as boh people are aware thats its no strings no emotional attachment fun and it stops when either one wants it to then its fine.

Reply 3

Mr.God

7

Alex Mann

Well really it is advisable not to do it at all. Someone will inevitably get more attached than the other which means someone ends up getting hurt. Not only that, but when you do finally find a true partner, what happens between you will mean less - better to wait for the real thing.

Don't be such a pussy.

Yeah, just ask him straight out.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

like what, I just go and say "do you want to be my friend with benefits?"
I already had a long term relationship before and I just want to have fun right now. I'm probably never going to see the guy again after the end of this school year... I don't know what to do, I mean I don't have feelings for him (I actually kinda have feelings for another guy but he lives so far away nothing's possible) but he's really nice and good looking and stuff and I want to have fun. I know it sounds quite mean and selfish but it isn't, I mean he's not really the kind of guy to be in a serious relationship with so... But I don't know, I am kind of lost right now...

Reply 5

Zafda

8

Anonymous

Hey, I am feeling a bit lonely nowadays and I was wondering, how do you get a friend with benefits? I know this sounds a bit stupid but I mean, you don’t just ask the guy if he wants to be your “friend with benefits”, so how do you do it?

what in your eyes are 'benefits'?

Reply 6

username47781

20

I would suggest not doing that, because as someone pointing out further up you could become more attatched and then someone will get hurt.

Reply 7

Giliwoo

It can work perfectly. Try your closest friend of the opposite sex.

Reply 8

stainedglass

1

If you just want some fun then there's nothing wrong with it. You probably shouldn't go up to someone and say "hey, let's be friends with benefits" though. Get to know him better and spend time with him and the other stuff will happen naturally.

Personally I don't think it's a great idea, in the end one person will always want more than the other and it leads to disappointment and hurt.

Reply 9

Anonymous #2

I've had 2 male best friends. Who were friends with benifits and it was ok. This ony lasted 6 months and everything was fine. its your choice

Reply 10

Montrose

17

Mr.God

Don't be such a pussy.

Less to do with being a 'pussy' (which I am clearly not, I don't look like female genitalia......), more to do with having had friends being hurt before and it's not nice to have to sort out.

Reply 11

*titanium*

12

go up to some chav you might happen to know...

You: would you like to be my freind with benefits?
him: why me?
You:well, because you are already my freind on benefits.

Reply 12

OC_girl

stainedglass

If you just want some fun then there's nothing wrong with it. You probably shouldn't go up to someone and say "hey, let's be friends with benefits" though. Get to know him better and spend time with him and the other stuff will happen naturally.

Personally I don't think it's a great idea, in the end one person will always want more than the other and it leads to disappointment and hurt.

yeah i think it's something that just has to progress and perhaps can't be so readily defined.

I have had an intimate relationship with one of my friends but it didn't really work out, it just seemed weird.

i think there has to be attraction there too, not simply the basics;
i'm a girl, you're a boy, let's have sex.

Reply 13

Chumbaniya

17

Alex Mann

Not only that, but when you do finally find a true partner, what happens between you will mean less - better to wait for the real thing.

Totally unnecessary assumption. It all depends on the individuals attitude towards sex, and the attitude that having sex outside of a serious romantic relationship devalues it is by no means universal.

Reply 14

Anonymous #3

my friend with benefits is a friend of a friend
it's a bit fun

Reply 15

Aquillyne

1

the whole "friends with benefits" idea is playing around in an area where you're likely to get hurt. friends is one stage of a relationship, and "benefits" is another, and they dont overlap. so dont play around, thats my advice. because in some way (that you might not be able to see now), doing what you both know is wonky will get you to wonky places. like a family planning centre.

Reply 16

Mr.God

7

Alex Mann

Less to do with being a 'pussy' (which I am clearly not, I don't look like female genitalia......), more to do with having had friends being hurt before and it's not nice to have to sort out.

The OP wasn't asking for your opinion on casual sex, she was asking how you get a friend with benefits. I really doubt she wanted you sticking your nose in and telling her not to do it.

Reply 17

Montrose

17

Mr.God

The OP wasn't asking for your opinion on casual sex, she was asking how you get a friend with benefits. I really doubt she wanted you sticking your nose in and telling her not to do it.

If she doesn't want opinions then she wouldn't post it on an internet forum. So because I have seen people be hurt through such things many times, and I share this knowledge in her best interests, that makes me nosey? Okay.

Reply 18

Mr.God

7

She wanted opinions on the best way to obtain an FWB, not on whether or not it was a good idea.

"Hey, I am feeling a bit lonely nowadays and I was wondering, how do you get a friend with benefits? I know this sounds a bit stupid but I mean, you don’t just ask the guy if he wants to be your “friend with benefits”, so how do you do it?"

See? If she'd wanted people's opinions on whether or not it was a good idea, I'm sure she would've asked for them. She's a big girl, and capable of making decisions by herself. I'm sure she's well aware of the emotional risks of having an FWB, and doesn't need you to force your advice to not do what she was going to do on her, against her will.

So yes, it does make you nosey. DAMN nosey.

Reply 19

Montrose

17

It's one post, if she doesn't like my advice she can just ignore the post, it's not hard. I am sure she can respond for herself thank you.

friend with benefits

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