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Life at home
Hello,
I’ve got a problem with my parents.
All they seem to do these days is argue, between themselves, over the most trivial things imaginable. For e.g. why certain objects are in certain places at certain times (nothing major, just stuff like newspapers and stuff) and my mums a major clean freak and is always on the warpath with me and me dad. I always help out, and clean the kitchen etc and help her cook.
Then they’re always arguing with me about one thing or another… for example,
Why aren’t you studying? (I’m on a gap yr and am going to do an extra A level before uni)
Why do you always watch football/television? (When I barely watch an hour a day)
You seem to be more concerned about working than your studies (im currently temping, and as it is temporary I want to take full advantage of it and the hours are odd - shift work)
I originally wanted to do medicine, but didn’t get good enough grades (still good, but not good enough for medicine). They don’t seem to understand no matter how many times I tell them, that if I was straight rejected from all of my uni’s, then I was forced into a gap year anyway.
I want to now study a mathematical based degree (eg engineering), which is a prestigious type degree at a prestigious uni (hopefully UCL or imperial if i get an A in maths), which will offer me a good future, but my dad is adamant that im a failure. He agreed when I asked him if he thought id failed.
He doesn’t seem to understand that in comparison to some people I’ve done really well. At one stage in my life during yrs 9 and 10, I never thought alevels was going to be on the cards, let alone university and I did my alevels in bio, chem., physics and im going to do maths this year.
He was telling me to do optometry as a back up but my hearts seriously not in it, and I explained that to him, and he just said I have a bad attitude.
My mum is just as bad – I explained the fact that im not studying because I have placed an order for the required text books, and it takes a few days for them to come. But no, it’s not good enough for them, as I should be able to answer C3, C4 maths papers without having learnt any of it.
I seriously hate life at home, we’re always at loggerheads with each other, and I really regret this year out – it would have been excellent opportunity to leave home and just be myself and be happy.
The only times I am happy are when out with friends, or alone. I wish we could be loving family we once were, but, it just doesn’t seem to be happening. I go out to get away from home, but this causes more arguments, because I go out, even though I go out extremely rarely, like once every 3 weeks or something and because it’s causing more arguments I spend more time alone or out, which causes even more arguments.
All my friends are off to uni, and I get compared to all of them, even though none of them did the subjects I did, and most are doing degrees in less prestigious subjects (obviously with exceptions), at not very prestigious uni’s at all – im aiming to get into a top 6 uni. YET despite this, im the failure.
I really don’t know what to do. They hardly show me much love anymore, which I suppose I kind of understand, but if they weren’t always on my case, then life would be fine. Every time we talk, it’s a war, when I always end up shouting, with them shouting back, I just feel like crying and leaving home.
It’s easier to say ‘don’t shout’ then to do it in the heat of the moment, when all you end up doing is repeating yourself again and again. This has been going on since the last 6-8 months. I do love them a lot, but life at home is seriously unbearable... God im crying as im writing this and i never cry, but i dont know what to do its just gotten so bad
I don’t suppose anyone has any advice, but if you do please, I beg of you please help.
Thank you
I’ve got a problem with my parents.
All they seem to do these days is argue, between themselves, over the most trivial things imaginable. For e.g. why certain objects are in certain places at certain times (nothing major, just stuff like newspapers and stuff) and my mums a major clean freak and is always on the warpath with me and me dad. I always help out, and clean the kitchen etc and help her cook.
Then they’re always arguing with me about one thing or another… for example,
Why aren’t you studying? (I’m on a gap yr and am going to do an extra A level before uni)
Why do you always watch football/television? (When I barely watch an hour a day)
You seem to be more concerned about working than your studies (im currently temping, and as it is temporary I want to take full advantage of it and the hours are odd - shift work)
I originally wanted to do medicine, but didn’t get good enough grades (still good, but not good enough for medicine). They don’t seem to understand no matter how many times I tell them, that if I was straight rejected from all of my uni’s, then I was forced into a gap year anyway.
I want to now study a mathematical based degree (eg engineering), which is a prestigious type degree at a prestigious uni (hopefully UCL or imperial if i get an A in maths), which will offer me a good future, but my dad is adamant that im a failure. He agreed when I asked him if he thought id failed.
He doesn’t seem to understand that in comparison to some people I’ve done really well. At one stage in my life during yrs 9 and 10, I never thought alevels was going to be on the cards, let alone university and I did my alevels in bio, chem., physics and im going to do maths this year.
He was telling me to do optometry as a back up but my hearts seriously not in it, and I explained that to him, and he just said I have a bad attitude.
My mum is just as bad – I explained the fact that im not studying because I have placed an order for the required text books, and it takes a few days for them to come. But no, it’s not good enough for them, as I should be able to answer C3, C4 maths papers without having learnt any of it.
I seriously hate life at home, we’re always at loggerheads with each other, and I really regret this year out – it would have been excellent opportunity to leave home and just be myself and be happy.
The only times I am happy are when out with friends, or alone. I wish we could be loving family we once were, but, it just doesn’t seem to be happening. I go out to get away from home, but this causes more arguments, because I go out, even though I go out extremely rarely, like once every 3 weeks or something and because it’s causing more arguments I spend more time alone or out, which causes even more arguments.
All my friends are off to uni, and I get compared to all of them, even though none of them did the subjects I did, and most are doing degrees in less prestigious subjects (obviously with exceptions), at not very prestigious uni’s at all – im aiming to get into a top 6 uni. YET despite this, im the failure.
I really don’t know what to do. They hardly show me much love anymore, which I suppose I kind of understand, but if they weren’t always on my case, then life would be fine. Every time we talk, it’s a war, when I always end up shouting, with them shouting back, I just feel like crying and leaving home.
It’s easier to say ‘don’t shout’ then to do it in the heat of the moment, when all you end up doing is repeating yourself again and again. This has been going on since the last 6-8 months. I do love them a lot, but life at home is seriously unbearable... God im crying as im writing this and i never cry, but i dont know what to do its just gotten so bad
I don’t suppose anyone has any advice, but if you do please, I beg of you please help.
Thank you
Hey. 
I know how you feel, seriously. I see my friends with their close knit family's and I just wish I could be like that too! I've been down a lot in my life, albeit for other reasons to you. If you would like to talk, send me a private message and I'll give you my MSN. Just remember that you are on this Earth for a reason, and God (or whomever depending on your religion/background) has faith in you that you can survive this.
I know how you feel, seriously. I see my friends with their close knit family's and I just wish I could be like that too! I've been down a lot in my life, albeit for other reasons to you. If you would like to talk, send me a private message and I'll give you my MSN. Just remember that you are on this Earth for a reason, and God (or whomever depending on your religion/background) has faith in you that you can survive this. 
I once overheard my parents talking in the kitchen while I was sitting downstairs waiting for a friend to come over. They compared me to a girl I was at work with over the summer. She will work in shops for the rest of her life, which, don't get me wrong, is fine for her. I had just got 5 A's at AS and was applying to some really good unis, and yet I was the one with no future, no life, and my mothers words "nothing about me".
Parents honestly do not have a clue. They think they know what's best, but in reality they are just trying to make up for their own failings. Neither of my parents finished 6th form, and although my dad's done pretty well for himself since, my mom is stuck in a shop.
All you can do is do your best, and if that's still not good enough, threaten to not look after them when they're old and grey if they don't shut up
No, but seriously, maybe you should sit down with them and ask not to be nagged so much as you're doing your best with your life, and it's up to you what you do with it.
Parents honestly do not have a clue. They think they know what's best, but in reality they are just trying to make up for their own failings. Neither of my parents finished 6th form, and although my dad's done pretty well for himself since, my mom is stuck in a shop.
All you can do is do your best, and if that's still not good enough, threaten to not look after them when they're old and grey if they don't shut up
No, but seriously, maybe you should sit down with them and ask not to be nagged so much as you're doing your best with your life, and it's up to you what you do with it.
It can be difficult with parents at our age - you don't have to tell me that! I know this probably won't help very much, but it's just something that a lot of us have to go through.
You are right in not wanting to study something which your heart is not in, and I congratulate you for having the courage to say to your dad that you won't do this. Well done for sticking to your guns and doing what you want. You've accepted that things haven't gone the way you want them to, and you're doing something positive with that by doing the extra A Level. A lot of people wouldn't do that, they'd just bury their head in the sand, so that's another thing you can be proud of.
You dad is probably just disapointed because things haven't worked out as expected, and he probably doesn't realise how hard you've worked, or what exactly has happened - but you shouldn't be disapointed, because it's your life and you should do what you want. Parents often don't understand, especially if its been a long time since they've been to uni - or indeed, have never been.
If getting out of the house helps make you feel better then you should do it. Personally, I think that people need to do what makes them feel better before worrying about others, because if you yourself are unhappy, that's no good at all, and isn't going to help any situation.
Finally, I know it's easier to say that do, but it's probably easier to walk away rather than to argue, and you really shouldn't compare yourself to other people, because we all have our own strengths and weaknesses and achieve different things at different times in our lives - when it's right for us. Yes, many of your friends may have gone off to uni, but if you feel like its better for you to wait, and this will give you better opportunities, then try looking at it like that - it's a better decision for you in the long term. The right thing later, maybe better than the wrong thing now.
Hope that helps... and feel free to PM/MSN me too if you ever need to chat.
You are right in not wanting to study something which your heart is not in, and I congratulate you for having the courage to say to your dad that you won't do this. Well done for sticking to your guns and doing what you want. You've accepted that things haven't gone the way you want them to, and you're doing something positive with that by doing the extra A Level. A lot of people wouldn't do that, they'd just bury their head in the sand, so that's another thing you can be proud of.
You dad is probably just disapointed because things haven't worked out as expected, and he probably doesn't realise how hard you've worked, or what exactly has happened - but you shouldn't be disapointed, because it's your life and you should do what you want. Parents often don't understand, especially if its been a long time since they've been to uni - or indeed, have never been.
If getting out of the house helps make you feel better then you should do it. Personally, I think that people need to do what makes them feel better before worrying about others, because if you yourself are unhappy, that's no good at all, and isn't going to help any situation.
Finally, I know it's easier to say that do, but it's probably easier to walk away rather than to argue, and you really shouldn't compare yourself to other people, because we all have our own strengths and weaknesses and achieve different things at different times in our lives - when it's right for us. Yes, many of your friends may have gone off to uni, but if you feel like its better for you to wait, and this will give you better opportunities, then try looking at it like that - it's a better decision for you in the long term. The right thing later, maybe better than the wrong thing now.
Hope that helps... and feel free to PM/MSN me too if you ever need to chat.
Reply 4
Thanks a tonne guys, that helped a lot. I'm not one to use this forum much often, but it really does help when things get too much. It honestly made me smile reading all your replies. thank you.
I will try sitting them down, and chatting with them, but i dont know how many times iv tried this, it never seems to work.
Has anyone got any good tips about staying calm in heat of the moment arguments?
Thanks once again
I will try sitting them down, and chatting with them, but i dont know how many times iv tried this, it never seems to work.
Has anyone got any good tips about staying calm in heat of the moment arguments?
Thanks once again
Reply 5
wat grades did u get?
Anonymous
Has anyone got any good tips about staying calm in heat of the moment arguments?
To be honest with you, I usually just keep saying to myself "don't get mad, take it easy" and take deep breaths and however mad I get inside, I just try to stay cool on the outside and try not to let anyone else see this.
Also, try remembering that whilst it might feel 'good' or 'better' to shout and argue right then and there, it's really not going to do anything in the long term, and you don't need the added problems right now, do you?
Remind yourself staying calm will be better for you, and it might show your parents how mature you are, and thus help convince them you know, and are serious, about the decisions and plans you've made.
Reply 7
argh i know exactly how you feel. i would talk more but well im sure what other people have said is exactly the same to what i would of said.
Anonymous
Has anyone got any good tips about staying calm in heat of the moment arguments?
Thanks once again
Has anyone got any good tips about staying calm in heat of the moment arguments?
Thanks once again
I am not one to preach, so no one take this the wrong way, but are you religious? If I am angry I think of God, and my purpose in life, and everything that is right about it. I really think it helps.
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- How can I make the most of university while living at home?
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- Missing home
- im really struggling again at uni.
- Is it better to stay at home for uni or move out?
- How Do You Cope with Homesickness at University?
- how far away should you move from your home to feel independent?
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