The Student Room Group

confidence

lacking condience is my main problem. let me forget my modesty for the time being, i know i am better than a lot of people. im tall, good looking, im well above average and almost the top in academic, sports and mostly everything. i have good friends and have a very well-connected social circle. my parents are not that rich, but they can give me most of the things i want. i can play music well. bascially im above average to other friends of my age, both physically, mentally and socially. people think im confident but in fact im not. though i try to pretend that i have confidence but in fact i know im not. on the contrary, i am diffendent. basically i lack confidence in everything. im always afraid of losing. say for example, if my friend asks me about how i did in the test (before the results come out), no matter how well i did or not, i will always i totally messed up the paper. im not going to say sth like "the paper is okay. i think i will be fine" (note: not trying to be arrogant here) for the fear of me ending up with the lowest mark in class. another example is that i dont even have the confidence posting this thread using my own username.

i know confidence is very important for my future, e.g. uni, job interviews and everything. is there anyway that i can do to gain confidence?

please dont say sth like 'you are just pathetic..." im not trying to bluff...im trying to be as polite and sincere as possible to tell you my problem and i hope i will get some helpful answer. thank you very much
Reply 1
If there was some easy tip to be overflowing with confidence then everybody would do it.

The only thing to do is to force yourself to act confident, even if you're really not. Sooner or later you will become genuinely confident.
Didnt you say you could fake it? Surely your halfway there, now you have to convince yourself that its real and that it isnt "faked". Although its easy for me to say that.
Reply 3
Sometimes anticipating the worst makes for better results so if the worst does happen you won't be as let down. I'm terrible for panicing over anything and similarly terrible for getting carried away. >_> I.e. even though I was sure of my results I played it down to everyone and eventually got what I expected. I learned it's worth taking the risk of playing up a little otherwise people take you for a negative being :smile:
Reply 4
thank you very much for your advice. anymore advice from ppl? thanks
I'm always like that about results, because I'm sure I've done badly. Everyone feels underconfident at times. Really, everyone's said it - pretending to be confident is halfway there. You get more confident in yourself as you grow up - you don't say how old you are, but after a few successes like GCSEs or good Alevels, which you'll get becasue, as you say, you're cleverer than most, you can feel proud of yourself, and take confidence in your intelligence from that. That's what happened to me, I've only had any confidence in the last year.

Don't get down about it. Just grit your teeth and smile in interviews.

I hope that helped.
I wouldn't say that it ever comes flawlessly. Just keep exercising it.
I do the same for exams, that way when the results come out I'm less likely to be dissapointed.

You've got so much that everyone wants. above average in everything nearly. Unlike me.

I have no-friends in my town (huge fall out in year 8 with everyone except afew. the few I was friends with left school and we lost contact after GCSE's, never made any friends in 6th form)

Now I've spent my summer holidays on my own. I've either been at work, asleep or on the computer.

My exam results were lower then predicted for my A-levels.

HOWEVER....I got into my firm choice uni, I have a wonderful family. I have lots of friend in my hobby of all ages who I can get on with. I have the most wonderful boyfriend. just having those few positives makes me feel so much more confident and now, after many years I have ALOT of confidence in myself.

What I'm trying to say is that look at what you've got and think about it. relise and take in 100% that you really have everything and there's alot of people worse off.

You know what you have, you know you want to be confident, so try it. Smile and be yourself! :smile:
Reply 8
Anonymous
lacking condience is my main problem. let me forget my modesty for the time being, i know i am better than a lot of people. im tall, good looking, im well above average and almost the top in academic, sports and mostly everything. i have good friends and have a very well-connected social circle. my parents are not that rich, but they can give me most of the things i want. i can play music well. bascially im above average to other friends of my age, both physically, mentally and socially. people think im confident but in fact im not. though i try to pretend that i have confidence but in fact i know im not. on the contrary, i am diffendent. basically i lack confidence in everything. im always afraid of losing. say for example, if my friend asks me about how i did in the test (before the results come out), no matter how well i did or not, i will always i totally messed up the paper. im not going to say sth like "the paper is okay. i think i will be fine" (note: not trying to be arrogant here) for the fear of me ending up with the lowest mark in class. another example is that i dont even have the confidence posting this thread using my own username.

i know confidence is very important for my future, e.g. uni, job interviews and everything. is there anyway that i can do to gain confidence?

please dont say sth like 'you are just pathetic..." im not trying to bluff...im trying to be as polite and sincere as possible to tell you my problem and i hope i will get some helpful answer. thank you very much


well you obviously have self confidence.
i don't think you're lacking it, i just think you need to be able to use it at the right time.
i know someone whos bloody smart and she knows she's the best in our 6th form atm, but she always denies it.. she's modest like you, which isn't a bad character.

but just make sure that when teachers talk to you or other professional characters that you aren't modest, because unis don't know you as you, you're just a face with a name.. so you have to hide that modesty.
don't be overconfident, thats just as bad.
You don't lack confidence. You're in fact "vain". I don't say it as an admonition, but more to point out that you're afraid of appearing less than perfect. That isn't low confidence: it's excessive confidence perhaps?
PS: Vain was too harsh a word, what I meant to say was that you see yourself too much as above the real world. The real world is imperfect, and you will feel much better when you can learn to see and accept or dismiss your imperfections without too muh vexation to yourself. I used to be much like you until I decided that everybody else is, like me, "a piece of decaying organic matter...the all singing, all dancing crap of the world", NOTHING more. The world belongs as much to you as to anybody else who wants it. Therefore, never assume you are more vulnerable to the world than it is to you :smile:
If i was you I'd go out and find something you're sh*t at. You seem to be pretty good at what you try so maybe you have developed a huge fear of failure. If a friend is very good at a hobby go along with them, you will see that they are much better than you and hopefully you will suck at it, that way you will see that failure really isn't a big deal, you can then be confident in what you do.