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Bf broke up with me..how do I make the pain go away?

I've been with my boyfriend about 8 months, and he ended it last week. It was a long distance relationship, and we'd been arguing for a while, so it wasn't a complete shock. In fact, I was the one who first suggested splitting up a couple of weeks ago. But then I went to see him, and he told me he loved me too much to lose me, and that we would make it work.

So it came as a bit of a shock to me when he ended it a week later, by phone. He blamed it on the distance, and it hurt but i understood his reasons. He said he still loved me and wanted to stay friends and see each other and talk lots. But then the other day I found out he's been flirting with a girl from work, and then yesterday he told me he doesnt love me anymore.

I'm just hurting so so so much at the moment. I still love him so much, and I don't understand how his feelings could have changed so much in a couple of days. I don't want to lose him, but now he won't text me back or answer any of my calls, and seems to have just cut me out of his life completely. That's what hurts the most. I miss him so much..I can accept it's over, but why is he just ignoring me?? I don't know how to get through this. He's the only person I've ever loved and I trusted him completely...I don't know what to do

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a good way is just to spend alot of time with people that care about you, i.e friends and family, and make your feelings known. hope you feel better :smile:
Reply 2
What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

I've been screwed over badly in the past, now to the point that i don't give a **** about anything. And guess what, i'm happy! :smile:

Trust no-one but yourself.
Reply 3
Richy_Boi
What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

what about a stroke?

op: if hes cut you out do the same, trying to keep talking and remaining friends will only cause more hurt and confusion when he isnt talking to you any more.
Reply 4
I know I shouldn't keep texting him..but he's been the one of the most important people in my life for almost a year, I can't stand the thought of not talking to him, or seeing him ever again. Last time I saw him I thought we sorted everything out..I just don't want to lose him completely
Reply 5
i know, i understand, but you have to. give a friend your phone for a while so you cant text. trying to cling on will only make things worse for the pair of you. you really need to let go. i know its not what you want to hear but youve just got to.
Reply 6
You sound like a nice person so it is his loss! I think he probably really loved you but felt hurt by your splitting comment, he is dealing with the split by cutting you out but is probably really upset too. Ashame you couldn't have worked on the distance. Get yourself out with friends on concentrate on uni, if he wants to get in touch he knows where you are.
Reply 7
I feel bad for you and wish you weren't feeling so much pain.

It's a curiosity to me that humans are capable to be hurt emotionally/mentally as much as physically. I didn't believe in love, or at least i thought it only happened to other people up until a few months ago.

Now i am sure it exists and sure that it's massively painful even at the best times.
Reply 8
Angel83
You sound like a nice person so it is his loss! I think he probably really loved you but felt hurt by your splitting comment, he is dealing with the split by cutting you out but is probably really upset too. Ashame you couldn't have worked on the distance. Get yourself out with friends on concentrate on uni, if he wants to get in touch he knows where you are.

The distance has always been a problem, but until now we've loved each other enough to see past it. I've only ever been completely honest with him, and when I was having doubts i went to see him so we could discuss things face to face. But he just broke up with me on the phone, and I don't think he's been completely honest about the reasons...he just seems like a completely different person
Reply 9
Love definately exists :frown:. He told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, even a couple of weeks ago he was saying that. I don't see what could have changed. He knows how much I'm hurting..he just doesnt seem to care anymore :frown:
Reply 10
~Sam~
Love definately exists :frown:. He told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, even a couple of weeks ago he was saying that. I don't see what could have changed. He knows how much I'm hurting..he just doesnt seem to care anymore :frown:

its his way of dealing with it. he hurts too, he clearly does as he tried to fix things before, but ultimatly the pain of not being able to see you was probably too great for him to carry on. maybe he belived he was restricting you from doing what you wanted.
like i keep saying you need to stop trying to talk to him.
I'm pretty sure he does care. And that may well be the problem. If you care about someone and they're hurting and it's because of YOU, well, that's pretty damn hard to take. Maybe his distancing himself from you is his way of coping with the way he's hurt you?
Reply 12
I know I need to stop..but a couple of days ago, even though we'd split, I thought he still loved me and that we could still be friends. I know he's probably hurting too, and he's not a bad person, it's just the situation didnt help at all. I just wish I knew what he was thinking though
Reply 13
Anonymous
I'm pretty sure he does care. And that may well be the problem. If you care about someone and they're hurting and it's because of YOU, well, that's pretty damn hard to take. Maybe his distancing himself from you is his way of coping with the way he's hurt you?

You're probably right. A few days ago I was certain he cared, and I know he felt really bad for putting me through all this. I just wish he'd send me one message or something, him ignoring me makes it feel like he's just getting on with his life and not thinking about me. I want us to stay friends..and I thought that's what he wanted too. I just know i'd be hurting a lot less if he didn't just cut me out of his life.
Reply 14
Morphine?
Reply 15
~Sam~

I'm just hurting so so so much at the moment. I still love him so much, and I don't understand how his feelings could have changed so much in a couple of days. I don't want to lose him, but now he won't text me back or answer any of my calls, and seems to have just cut me out of his life completely. That's what hurts the most. I miss him so much..I can accept it's over, but why is he just ignoring me?? I don't know how to get through this. He's the only person I've ever loved and I trusted him completely...I don't know what to do


I know exactly how you feel. I was going out with a girl for a year... I suppose I saw it coming as she tect me less and less and didnt want to spend as much time with me, but it still hurt like a 16-ton weight being dropped on my head (monty python reference there). It does sound cliche but it gets better. We broke up about two months ago and I still think about her from time to time, but its getting less frequent. Im off to uni (second year) soon so ill be meeting new people.

Watching all the episodes of monty python's flying circus cheered me right up :biggrin:.
~Sam~
You're probably right. A few days ago I was certain he cared, and I know he felt really bad for putting me through all this. I just wish he'd send me one message or something, him ignoring me makes it feel like he's just getting on with his life and not thinking about me. I want us to stay friends..and I thought that's what he wanted too. I just know i'd be hurting a lot less if he didn't just cut me out of his life.

Well, no offence but he probably will be getting on with his life. He has to. You've broken up, and he needs to move on, as do you.

You can stay friends I'm sure in the long run, but right now, I'm pretty sure it's not for the best. You both need to move on, and so speaking to each other a lot/trying to maintain a friendship isn't going to help that. I'm speaking from experience there too.

I know you say now that it'd hurt less if he wasn't cutting you out of his life, but honestly from my experience, it hurts more if you're friends with them and still talk to them, because you see them getting on with their lives without you, and it's hard to be close to someone you still love.
I was almost in the same situation. And it was even more remarkable as he just cut me off completely 1 day after we met. We had a distance relationship for about a year or so and I was actually the one who is hurt most by the long distance. He had always been very encouraging, singing again n again "If we try, our love will always last" and stuff n told me not to worry as he is really serious about it, n that he loved me enough to overcome all this, and that he did not want to spend the rest of his life with anyone else but me, and that I'm his perfect girl that he had been searching for and...(almost the same thing ur bf has told u). And the last time we met, he still showed much adoration to me (kissing, hugging, swearing n all kinds of s***). The next day, when he went back to his univ, I called him but he said he was busy and he would call me back. That was the very last time I talked to him, he cut me off completely since then. I kept texting, calling, emailing him but he did not ever reply. All I know about him is what I was told by my friend who is still in touch with him. Ironically, I was the only in doubt, and also the only in love.

So no need to figure out the reasons why. There may be no reasons at all. He was my 1st love. And I still kept thinking of him from time to time. I wasn't aware that I was hurt coz I was merely in shock. But anw... I've lost my belief in the fictional thing named "LOVE". I don't think I can ever find sb who loves me. How come? I've loved him so so so much... and he dumped me like trash w/o even a notice. I was so so depressed at 1st. It was a difficult time for me, but Im fine now. 5 months ago... at least I'm happy on my own atm, now that I'm so scared of boys... I may fall in love with someone else coz it's a natural thing and I can't help it. Yet I will never ever ever get myself to become anyone's gf. I'm terrified! Perhaps I wasn't lucky enough to be loveable.

To ~SAM~: Huggies huggies huggies!!! Forget him, move on, ok? Oh girl, u know u deserve much more than that, u know we deserve much more than that... Come on!!! I'm here to help! Huggies...
Reply 18
~Sam~
I've been with my boyfriend about 8 months, and he ended it last week. It was a long distance relationship, and we'd been arguing for a while, so it wasn't a complete shock. In fact, I was the one who first suggested splitting up a couple of weeks ago. But then I went to see him, and he told me he loved me too much to lose me, and that we would make it work.

So it came as a bit of a shock to me when he ended it a week later, by phone. He blamed it on the distance, and it hurt but i understood his reasons. He said he still loved me and wanted to stay friends and see each other and talk lots. But then the other day I found out he's been flirting with a girl from work, and then yesterday he told me he doesnt love me anymore.

I'm just hurting so so so much at the moment. I still love him so much, and I don't understand how his feelings could have changed so much in a couple of days. I don't want to lose him, but now he won't text me back or answer any of my calls, and seems to have just cut me out of his life completely. That's what hurts the most. I miss him so much..I can accept it's over, but why is he just ignoring me?? I don't know how to get through this. He's the only person I've ever loved and I trusted him completely...I don't know what to do


it was gonna happen sooner or later chicken