Girlfriends Sudden Change of University Lifestyle leaves me feeling trapped

My girlfriend has recently moved to university.
we have a very strong relationship, yet we had equally beneficial problem solvers that prevented unwanted concerns and arguments while living in the same area. Most of which boiled down to jealousy and insecurity on both sides. This caused many arguments and sleepless nights of two wondering minds. For lack of a better term we agreed on certain rules or guidelines to follow which would settle our mutual problem; such as not liking photos of the opposite sex on social media. Ever since she has moved, she has become more open with her sensitive side. This was only an occurrence that happened when she thought she had upset me or thought something that she might have done would upset me when she lived locally. I have been working most days since she has moved. She has been out clubbing every night she has been there. She shares a flat with both genders. I have recently seen unmentioned photos of her hugging and posing with unheard of men while out. Other males have posted photos with her along with captioning that they are happy to of met her. She spends a lot of time with said males during the day and out clubbing. Although I understand university is different and she is with friends 24/7; it still breaks most of our agreements which leaves me in constant concern and restless worrying. I daren't speak to her because I know its unavoidable and it's her life that needs her to make her own choices; yet I can't help but feeling trapped in my emotions. I still feel as if the rules still apply to me yet hers are flexible due to her change of lifestyle. Yet I feel as if this is unfair and yet something I cannot approach. If anyone could lend some support or advice it would help settle my mind.
thank you.

Reply 1

Jaz_A

such as not liking photos of the opposite sex on social media

This actually sounds really controlling? Instead of making rules for you to both stick by (even if you both agree), maybe you should just trust each other? Talk to each other? Surely if you make a rule of it too, the other person is more likely to hide things from you than being open with you (from past experience)?

At the end of the day, you're both in a relationship because you chose to be ..

How long have you guys been together?
Also, what other rules do you have in place out of interest?

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 2

Inazuma

As above, it's just not healthy to have such rules. You need to learn to just trust her in what she is doing.

I know it's hard when you have no clue what she is doing and with who, but feeling jealous and possessive is not a good grounds for a relationship. I can't tell you how to do it, but finding some way to accept changes is vital. Limitations will not work.

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Girlfriends Sudden Change of University Lifestyle leaves me feeling trapped

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