Very clingy, possessive and angry boyfriend..? Watch

Anonymous #1
#21
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#21
(Original post by Inazuma)
One thing you could do is when something happens again, set down the rules. No more of this. Make a proper ultimatum and stick to it- If it continues, leave. Maybe temporarily to see if he changes, but make out it's permanent. It's the only way I can think of to get him to improve.


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That's what I did at first but he did it again and the thought of being without him is heart breaking. I honestly can't imagine myself without him.

(Original post by SnoochToTheBooch)
How the hell can you live like that? I bet if you were reading someone else posting that sort of thing you would be aghast. He is ****ed in the head. Abort abort.
I really love him a lot I really don't know what to do

(Original post by ChickenMadness)
mi thinks this is love

Not this
That literally made me cry.

This is the first time I am talking to anyone about this (even though its online)
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Maker
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#22
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#22
Even though I don't have a crystal ball, I predict the OP will stay with abusive bf until he controls all aspects of her life including money, access to friends and family or lack of, clothes, accommodation and any kids and uses emotional manipulation and violence to get his way.

And of course she love him while he keeps her prisoner. Classic Stockholm Syndrome.
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Anonymous #1
#23
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#23
(Original post by TurboCretin)
Obviously we have only heard your side of things, but you do need to maintain a little perspective of what is normal in a relationship. Some of the things you have mentioned smack of insecurity on his part, and if he doesn't see his behaviour as problematic then things are more likely to get worse than better.

I understand that you love him, but be careful about entrenching yourself in what may be an unhealthy relationship with no prospect of improvement.

Speak to any good friends you have that know him and get their honest views on your relationship. Friends often have a better perspective on these matters, being themselves emotionally removed from the situation.
He doesn't have friends nor believe in friends. I remember talking to his sister a few months ago when we had an explosive argument infront of his family and she said we just need to learn and adapt to understand each other. Which I have been trying to do. He has changed slightly though compared to how he was in the beginning.. e.g not as clingy or possessive. His dad also said something to me randomly..he told me that his son may act in anger but it's how he shows he cares and he only reacts that way because he truly loves me
I do feel quite privileged that I have a guy who loves me so truly and just wants me to himself. I do feel he's quite insecure with himself..he has repetitively told him how can such "wonderful, beautiful girl" be with someone like him.
I don't want to leave him. I just feel he needs help. I want to change him. Because inside he has a beautiful soul and he would do anything to protect me.
I don't know what to do.
I really don't.
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ChickenMadness
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#24
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#24
(Original post by Anonymous)

That literally made me cry.

This is the first time I am talking to anyone about this (even though its online)
Maybe if you show that to him he'l understand. Or show him this thread. So he can see his behaviour isn't normal.

If he gets angry and does not want to make any concessions or listen then I'd think about leaving (but tbh I wouldn't be in the relationship in the first place if it were me).

Your loved ones should help you grow, not hold you back.
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TurboCretin
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#25
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#25
(Original post by Anonymous)
He doesn't have friends nor believe in friends. I remember talking to his sister a few months ago when we had an explosive argument infront of his family and she said we just need to learn and adapt to understand each other. Which I have been trying to do. He has changed slightly though compared to how he was in the beginning.. e.g not as clingy or possessive. His dad also said something to me randomly..he told me that his son may act in anger but it's how he shows he cares and he only reacts that way because he truly loves me
Sounds like his family have some twisted logic tbh. If he gets angry, he needs to deal with that because it's a problem. Them normalising his strange behaviour doesn't excuse it, so don't get sucked into that.

(Original post by Anonymous)
I do feel quite privileged that I have a guy who loves me so truly and just wants me to himself. I do feel he's quite insecure with himself..he has repetitively told him how can such "wonderful, beautiful girl" be with someone like him.
I don't want to leave him. I just feel he needs help. I want to change him. Because inside he has a beautiful soul and he would do anything to protect me.
I don't know what to do.
I really don't.
You may want to change him and he may want to change, but you have to entertain the possibility that it might not happen. If that is the case, then the sensible thing to do would be not to waste further time on a relationship that may only become more difficult to leave. I can't say whether that is the case, but somebody needs to say it.

It sounds like the help - or 'change' - he needs is best sought from a professional, not from his girlfriend. If you try, you will probably only succeed in emotionally exhausting yourself. I have several female friends who have been there, and they achieved nothing apart from stress and years of unhappiness. Just take the time to step back from your situation and really ask yourself if the relationship as it stands is what you want.
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Democracy
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#26
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#26
(Original post by Anonymous)
He doesn't have friends nor believe in friends. I remember talking to his sister a few months ago when we had an explosive argument infront of his family and she said we just need to learn and adapt to understand each other. Which I have been trying to do. He has changed slightly though compared to how he was in the beginning.. e.g not as clingy or possessive. His dad also said something to me randomly..he told me that his son may act in anger but it's how he shows he cares and he only reacts that way because he truly loves me
I do feel quite privileged that I have a guy who loves me so truly and just wants me to himself. I do feel he's quite insecure with himself..he has repetitively told him how can such "wonderful, beautiful girl" be with someone like him.
I don't want to leave him. I just feel he needs help. I want to change him. Because inside he has a beautiful soul and he would do anything to protect me.
That's a load of rubbish from his dad, quite frankly. His son's behaviour isn't normal and that's all there is to it. Everything else is BS and excuses.

It's not your job to "help" him - a relationship isn't about one person trying to fix another at the expense of their own happiness. Especially when the other person is 24 years old (i.e. an adult) and already set in their personality. He's got some serious personality issues and he needs help from a mental health professional. You might think you're helping him or that you can fix him, but you can't.

I'm sure lots of guys would want to be in a relationship with you, he's not the only one - it'll hurt to leave him, but then you'll be able to find a normal guy who'll treat you well and won't manipulate you into staying with him.

Trust me, when you leave him, you'll look back and wonder wtf you were doing with him in the first place. But you need to actually take that step and make it happen.

I don't know what to do.
I really don't.
I'm afraid you do, otherwise you wouldn't have made this thread.

Sorry again.
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Anonymous #2
#27
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#27
She stays with a guy like this while I have no girl. Here is my advice. Ignore the awkward guy that tried to go out with you and chase a hoodman or swagged out chav, preferably one with ginger hair as they're the nicest. Show this new cool and protective boy your best features as he ignores them and touches you in like a squishy object, you now have an abusive boyfriend!

Any guy that shows interest in you first make sure you ignore them or your going to have a pretty crappy boyfriend as they will have been too easy. And if you do to out with one, use him to show off to the hoodman or swagged out chav. The hoodman or swagged out chav will want you and have a relationship with you behind the used guy's back. Don't ignore! This is the only way. You now have a new ******* and an *******!

Please dont rep rep my killer advice!
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Democracy
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#28
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#28
(Original post by Anonymous)
She stays with a guy like this while I have no girl. Here is my advice. Ignore the awkward guy that tried to go out with you and chase a hoodman or swagged out chav, preferably one with ginger hair as they're the nicest. Show this new cool and protective boy your best features as he ignores them and touches you in like a squishy object, you now have an abusive boyfriend!

Any guy that shows interest in you first make sure you ignore them or your going to have a pretty crappy boyfriend as they will have been too easy. And if you do to out with one, use him to show off to the hoodman or swagged out chav. The hoodman or swagged out chav will want you and have a relationship with you behind the used guy's back. Don't ignore! This is the only way. You now have a new ******* and an *******!

Please dont rep rep my killer advice!
Haha.

*tips fedora*
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SnoochToTheBooch
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#29
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#29
(Original post by Anonymous)
I really love him a lot I really don't know what to do
Is this gonna be it for the rest of your life then? He's not gonna change. I don't know what went on with him during his childhood that made him what he is but he is pretty god damn far from being a normal, psychologically healthy human being. I bet if things carry on he starts properly hitting you.

In fact I just read your initial post again to see if I had exaggerated how bad he was in my mind, but no, now I feel like didn't emphasise it enough. He is a ****-up, you should run for the hills. If I found out that any of my friends were like that behind closed doors I would never look at them the same again.
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SophieSmall
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#30
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#30
I was with a guy like that, it is not going to get better. He is not going to change, if you're holding out for him to change his behaviour and treat you properly then don't hold your breath because it's not going to happen.
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LavenderBlueSky88
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#31
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#31
He is abusive. It WILL get worse trust me. Get out while you can, if you stay with this prick under the feeble excuse of 'but I love him' then you're a ****ing idiot frankly.
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PurpleTimz
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#32
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#32
If you have a father or brother that can intervene do so when you tell him just so things don't get ugly
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Maker
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#33
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#33
(Original post by Anonymous)
He doesn't have friends nor believe in friends. I remember talking to his sister a few months ago when we had an explosive argument infront of his family and she said we just need to learn and adapt to understand each other. Which I have been trying to do. He has changed slightly though compared to how he was in the beginning.. e.g not as clingy or possessive. His dad also said something to me randomly..he told me that his son may act in anger but it's how he shows he cares and he only reacts that way because he truly loves me
I do feel quite privileged that I have a guy who loves me so truly and just wants me to himself. I do feel he's quite insecure with himself..he has repetitively told him how can such "wonderful, beautiful girl" be with someone like him.
I don't want to leave him. I just feel he needs help. I want to change him. Because inside he has a beautiful soul and he would do anything to protect me.
I don't know what to do.
I really don't.
I really find it had to care about the OP, she is so deluded. I just hope none of my kids will be like her when they grow up.
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Martina_
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#34
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#34
GET OUT NOW. Trust me, do it now. Don't think, just do. He's gonna get worse, he will get physically abusive at some point (he's showing so many red flags atm) and the way these things work mentally, with you having invested even more time in him by then, it'll be a ton harder to leave. You're young, you will find another more deserving who treats you differently.
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Anonymous #1
#35
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#35
I feel so messed up right now :/
Thank you everyone for your responses and advice.
This is so difficult
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Zechs
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#36
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#36
(Original post by Anonymous)
He doesn't have friends nor believe in friends. I remember talking to his sister a few months ago when we had an explosive argument infront of his family and she said we just need to learn and adapt to understand each other. Which I have been trying to do. He has changed slightly though compared to how he was in the beginning.. e.g not as clingy or possessive. His dad also said something to me randomly..he told me that his son may act in anger but it's how he shows he cares and he only reacts that way because he truly loves me
I do feel quite privileged that I have a guy who loves me so truly and just wants me to himself. I do feel he's quite insecure with himself..he has repetitively told him how can such "wonderful, beautiful girl" be with someone like him.
I don't want to leave him. I just feel he needs help. I want to change him. Because inside he has a beautiful soul and he would do anything to protect me.
I don't know what to do.
I really don't.
He doesn't have friends nor believe in friends<<<< What gibberish and you are totally fine with this, many people don't have friends but not believing in the concept of friends is ridiculous.


said we just need to learn and adapt to understand each other.<<< Adapting and learning to understand each other within a healthy relationship usually does not involve physical or verbal abuse it involves verbal communication not a punch to the head and a kick to the stomach.

he told me that his son may act in anger but it's how he shows he cares and he only reacts that way because he truly loves me
<<<< More gibberish your boyfriend only seems to care about you in a possessive object like form to him you are just an object that he owns and controls and when this object he controls goes against his rules, his way of showing love, this love that you accept and are trying so hard to defend is for him to beat you.

Only thing he should be beating to is Michael Jackson's hit song not his girlfriend.

I want to change him. Because inside he has a beautiful soul and he would do anything to protect me<<< Seriously ask yourself if anything you have told us about him portrays a person with a beautiful soul? Tortured soul I may agree with but beautiful really?

You say he would do anything to protect you but this does not include not physically abusing you does it? You are confusing his possessiveness of you with true love, you will never change him. Some people in life do change but you have already stated that he has done this more than once so I believe it will continue.

You keep stating repeatedly that you love him so much, if you are not careful you will love him all the way to your early grave I say this not menacingly but as a warning to you and any other vulnerable woman who believes that this sort of relationship and treatment from a partner especially a male partner who can physically hurt you is love.

Also as others have mentioned you have already mentioned many red flags within your relationship such as him keeping you away from friends and controlling your behaviour.

Relationships like this usually have two ends to them either the woman wises up and gets herself out of there and rebuilds her life or she meets a sad avoidable end. Your constant defending of his behaviour towards you tells me you are choosing the latter.

Wake up you sound like a young woman, be strong and make the better choice for yourself. I know maybe you think it will be hard for you but time will heal your heartbreak and in future you may find a better man who actually treats you with respect.
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Paralove
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#37
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#37
Get out while you can.
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Mankytoes
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#38
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#38
(Original post by Anonymous)
She stays with a guy like this while I have no girl. Here is my advice. Ignore the awkward guy that tried to go out with you and chase a hoodman or swagged out chav, preferably one with ginger hair as they're the nicest. Show this new cool and protective boy your best features as he ignores them and touches you in like a squishy object, you now have an abusive boyfriend!

Any guy that shows interest in you first make sure you ignore them or your going to have a pretty crappy boyfriend as they will have been too easy. And if you do to out with one, use him to show off to the hoodman or swagged out chav. The hoodman or swagged out chav will want you and have a relationship with you behind the used guy's back. Don't ignore! This is the only way. You now have a new ******* and an *******!

Please dont rep rep my killer advice!
A girl talks about being trapped in an abusive relationship. Your response is to ***** and moan at her. Yeah, I'm sure your problem is that you're too nice and respectful to women.

OP, I know it can be hard to have perspective, but just feeling "love" isn't enough. You will be able to find love again, and you will be able to find a guy who treats you properly. It is in his interest too for you to leave- he is more likely to change if he loses you. One day you'll be in a proper, mutually respectful, loving relationship and you'll see you had to leave, and you will be happier.
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LadyEcliptic
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#39
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#39
If he loved you, though, he wouldn't be doing all this, at all. This is abuse and I sincerely hope you see this as abuse and not love! And I really hope you get out of their soon, you deserve a lot better
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Anonymous #2
#40
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#40
(Original post by Mankytoes)
A girl talks about being trapped in an abusive relationship. Your response is to ***** and moan at her. Yeah, I'm sure your problem is that you're too nice and respectful to women.

OP, I know it can be hard to have perspective, but just feeling "love" isn't enough. You will be able to find love again, and you will be able to find a guy who treats you properly. It is in his interest too for you to leave- he is more likely to change if he loses you. One day you'll be in a proper, mutually respectful, loving relationship and you'll see you had to leave, and you will be happier.
Ah I'm not nice to chicks lol. It depends on how they want to treat me or how they're letting others treat them. It's not that serious though tbh, everything ends up how people ask for in the end ;}.

It's really fun watching the outcome of some of these things. I'd offer you this, watch yourself and what you're doing. Just stop and think, how did I get in this situation?! I always try to think of a thing that'd make it perfect because I've realised what is going on and that it'd all be in the past and can either make future events great or bad or none at all.
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