University Personal Statement... HELP!

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esmespark07
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Currently I am stuck on which universities I would like to go to, my favourites are Manchester University, Leeds University, Winchester University and University of the Creative Arts in Epsom. I am hoping to apply for a place in university studying Fashion Marketing/Media. I have written one of the three paragraphs which my A Level teachers have told me to but I am stuck on the last two. Can someone please lend a helping hand?
Esme
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tomj79
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Hi Esme

Was a few years ago since I written mine but will try and help you

In mine I talked about my hobbies, why I wanted to study the course area (in my case computing) and what I could offer the university.

Hope this helps, fell free to ask me anything else if you need any more help
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Interrobang
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What paragraph have you written and what else are your teachers suggesting?
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esmespark07
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I have written why I want to do the course and why it interests me. I have these two to do and there are a few of my main points, I just don't know how to start it.
2. Your school based achievements/activities, skills acquired/developed?
> Essay writing and english skills - understanding of how to structure an essay and what to include in it. A varied vocabulary.
> Analysing skills - being able to explain and describe effectively
> Understanding of how a business/company is run in front of and behind the scenes - finance, targets & goals, business skills needed, business recruitment processes.
> Year 7 lessons - planning a lesson; group work
> Shown initiative to going to see university open days and my different options for the future.
> Analyse information and present it ; anti-plagiarism

3. Achievements/activities outside school, skills acquired/developed?
> Isabella Blow; Fashion Galore! “a major fashion exhibition celebrating the extraordinary life and wardrobe of the late British patron of fashion and art.”
- helped me to have a small knowledge of how fashion has changed and what an influence one person can have on the fashion industry
> The Clothes Show Live in Birmingham - 7th December 2014?
> London Fashion Week/Weekend?
> Asos Internship?
> Avid reader of Vouge, Drappers and Elle
> Always reading fashion blogs or youtube fashion channels
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tomj79
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Hi Esme

It looks like you got a good plan there I would defiantly talk about your internship and about how it has helped prepare you for industry as well as any other relevant work experience. The university like to here about this, it proves that you are not just sitting at home all day every day. When you got to uni there is a lot of self reading involved so this proves to them that you are able to do this.

One opening could possibly be:

I recently attended the university on open day. I was really impressed by the facilities on offer to <course name> and feel <name of university> could benefit me in my further career progression. I attended an internship with <name of company> and this has shown me what it is like to work in the fashion industry. Whilst on my internship I:
<talk about internship then move on and talk about the next most relevant point, London fashion week maybe?>

Hope this helps you get started
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alleycat393
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Most of your statement should be about your academic interest in the subject so para 2 should only be a short one though remember to keep it relevant to the course you're applying to study.

Para 3 can be a nice chunky one with lots of description about what you learnt about the industry and working in it, what was interesting and why and why it made you want to study the subject at uni.

Finally, as the poster above has suggested please do not mention names of courses or unis in your PS if you're applying to more than one uni!
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