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Struggling at university watch

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    Anonymous as i know people on this site.

    I apologize if this is not the correct forum, but i feel i needed to get this off my chest as don't really have anyone to speak to about it.

    I moved into my halls on saturday and met all my flatmates. They all seem lovely so far and i've gone out with them in the evenings, but i don't feel like i've made any proper friends. We have 21 people in my flat and half of them are international students who don't go out and mostly keep to themselves and have their own friendship groups,especially as they arrived a week before we did. I thought i had made friends with the rest of the people but it now doesn't seem so. Alot of people in my flat are on the same course so they are sticking together, especially the girls. Even though iv'e gone out with them in the evening, they still invite eachother to their rooms and go out together during the day around town but i haven't been invited. I just fee a bit left out.

    In addition to this i've struggled with bulimia over the years and managed to get past it, but now with how i'm feeling im worried i'l get back into the same routine, which isn't good as i live in shared accommodation. I guess at times i just feel invisible. I've always thought i was fairly attraactive, but i've never had a boyfriend, guys approach me alot but more just in clubs for the wrong reasons. No one ive liked has ever wanted a relationship, and i'm 19 now so starting to question whats wrong with me.

    I don't want to sound all depressed, but this is how i feel, as i've tried really hard to be social but don't seem to be getting anything back. I just don't feel happy at uni at the moment but don't want to let my mum down, as shes so proud and has sacrificed a lot to let me go.I just don't know what to do
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Anonymous as i know people on this site.

    I apologize if this is not the correct forum, but i feel i needed to get this off my chest as don't really have anyone to speak to about it.

    I moved into my halls on saturday and met all my flatmates. They all seem lovely so far and i've gone out with them in the evenings, but i don't feel like i've made any proper friends. We have 21 people in my flat and half of them are international students who don't go out and mostly keep to themselves and have their own friendship groups,especially as they arrived a week before we did. I thought i had made friends with the rest of the people but it now doesn't seem so. Alot of people in my flat are on the same course so they are sticking together, especially the girls. Even though iv'e gone out with them in the evening, they still invite eachother to their rooms and go out together during the day around town but i haven't been invited. I just fee a bit left out.

    In addition to this i've struggled with bulimia over the years and managed to get past it, but now with how i'm feeling im worried i'l get back into the same routine, which isn't good as i live in shared accommodation. I guess at times i just feel invisible. I've always thought i was fairly attraactive, but i've never had a boyfriend, guys approach me alot but more just in clubs for the wrong reasons. No one ive liked has ever wanted a relationship, and i'm 19 now so starting to question whats wrong with me.

    I don't want to sound all depressed, but this is how i feel, as i've tried really hard to be social but don't seem to be getting anything back. I just don't feel happy at uni at the moment but don't want to let my mum down, as shes so proud and has sacrificed a lot to let me go.I just don't know what to do
    I'll do my best to relate.

    I do find it difficult to make friends, and going to Plymouth University (also when I was 19) was fairly difficult at first. Slightly different situation in Plymouth because we all arrived on the same day, but I'm terrible with names. Soon after The first few weeks will be very awkward and fairly difficult indeed, but you will make friends. And when you do, they will be very good friends to have. Do get to know your flatmates below and above you if you can, as it will help (flat parties and such like). I know with our flat, we did (initially at least) make a habit of having a sunday roast together -- like chipping in and doing everything together. More importantly, it was a chance to see the other flatmates, since we were all very busy, and having different schedules and stuff.

    If you do relapse with your bulimia, then there should be conselling or a student health center available at your university, which should help with things. Moving into Uni is stressful enough, as it is.

    Do call home and often, especially in the first few weeks. They will be incredibly important to lean on during this time, especially.

    Since coming to Idaho State University however, I've sort of had it the other around, where I had ten days basically to myself (as an international student); with like about thirty other guys on the same floor. And it has been really difficult to make friends. But I'm making friends from all around the world, although mostly foreign J1 and F1 students. I play soccer with a group of Nepalese students. And yes...unfortunately a lot of the same nationalities will stick with eachother. However, it is nice to have made friends with people on my course, that is a good start (luckily my university had an orientation session.)

    Bringing it back to you question (*sorry for going off on a tangent < )you need to see if you can find someone in your class.

    Maybe just make a little bit of talk before lectures start. Same for seminars, if you have them, are ideal, because it's a smaller setting. (I talk to one member of the class about Football games and the such before the Proffessor arrives). Even the little things, such as sitting next to a person (or leaving a seat's gap) helps, rather than say, trying to get a whole row to yourself. If you have a facebook, start adding people. It's cheesy, but it works. If people have your number, or a way of contacting you, you're only a "hey...wanna go out to X, Y and Z" away from doing so, and it really helps.

    Another way at making friends is to join societies. Even sports teams. I'm not exactly social but joining Plymouth's American Football team did help with that. There are literally 101 different things you can do at uni and there's something for everyone.

    Good luck...I'm 100% positive you'll make friends...And good friends at that while at uni.
 
 
 
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