The Student Room Group

Sibling Rivalry.

I was thinking today about the realtionship i have with my sister (it's not a wonderful one) and i think that the way that we interact with one another and with our parents centres a lot around jealousy.

My sister is 'the pretty one', if she walks down a street in any major city there's a high probability that she'll get approached by a model scout from an agency. She always turns them down as though modeling is so.. beneath her standards or something.

I could probably handle this fact if i had any characteristics that balanced this inequality out a little.

To a 3rd party it might look as though i am the 'intelligent' one out of the two of us; my sister left school after her GCSEs, i'm doing my PhD. The reality of this is that she is just as intelligent as i am but she just chose a different path (she trains Polo ponies) for which academic qualifications were not important.

I am jealous of her. She is jealous of me. When we had to live under the same roof the atmosphere was really tense, if my mother was taking me shopping for new clothes or simply to have lunch/coffee in town then my sister would stay at home rather than spend any time in my company. It made things really awkward for my mother an she'd have to duplicate all the social things she and i did as my sister wanted to partake in these activities but just not with me :frown:

I wonder whether these things will get better with age or whether i am widening the rift between us with each academic achievement.

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TBH I think if things are so bad between you that you cannot bear to be around each other, then there is little chance of...a word that begins with 'R'.
Reply 2
Reconciliation?
You shouldnt be jealous of your sister, she might be jealous of you doing a phd with good career prospects.
They say you get closer the older your get, however this will never ever happen to me and my brother.
Reply 4
My sister and I used to argue like mad. We still bicker here and there, but we argue waaaaaay less than we used to.

Not that we're close or anything, but we have civil and pleasant conversations now, and we never used to be able to.
Reply 5
Tractor-girlie
You shouldnt be jealous of your sister, she might be jealous of you doing a phd with good career prospects.
They say you get closer the older your get, however this will never ever happen to me and my brother.


loads of people say it gets better as you get older and old rifts are forgotten etc. i can't see that happening to me and my sister either.
Does jealousy get in the way of a friendship between you and your brother?
Mr.God
Reconciliation?


Uuumm...no I don't think so. Doesn't that have something to do with being estranged? OC_girl doesn't sound estranged from her sister to me.
Reply 7
Well, a reconciliation doesn't necessarily have to mean coming back from an estrangement. It generally means a joining of some nature. You could reconcile feelings of guilt with feelings of happiness, for example, or in her case, reconcile after her falling out with her sister.
Mr.God
Well, a reconciliation doesn't necessarily have to mean coming back from an estrangement. It generally means a joining of some nature. You could reconcile feelings of guilt with feelings of happiness, for example, or in her case, reconcile after her falling out with her sister.


Ok, well that may be the word I was looking for then. So yeah, OC_girl, IMO, if things have got as bad as you describe, then I don't think there is a realistic chance of you ever reconciling.
Reply 9
Me and my sis used to have quite a jelous relationship, but its got much better since she's gone to uni, we can get on better no we dont have to live together!
squigaletta
Me and my sis used to have quite a jelous relationship, but its got much better since she's gone to uni, we can get on better no we dont have to live together!

I don't think this'll happen with me and my bro, and I leave tommorow.
OC_girl
loads of people say it gets better as you get older and old rifts are forgotten etc. i can't see that happening to me and my sister either.
Does jealousy get in the way of a friendship between you and your brother?


Not at all nothing to be jealous of about him, violence and extreme hatred gets in the way of us getting on.
What exactly do you want to happen between you and your sister? Are you hoping that it will improve or are you just wondering whats going to happen as you become older.

If its the former, then its simple really. Do something about it. Point it out, get rid of the tension. Its not really that difficult unless you mean shes outright rejected your offers to do something together.
Reply 13
Sanity Panda
What exactly do you want to happen between you and your sister? Are you hoping that it will improve or are you just wondering whats going to happen as you become older.

If its the former, then its simple really. Do something about it. Point it out, get rid of the tension. Its not really that difficult unless you mean shes outright rejected your offers to do something together.



Well she lives in another country now so it's not so much of an immediate problem, but i do worry that when the time comes for her and i to have to be amicable ie if something happened to my parents then it'd be an even worse situation due to our relationship.

My parents and family friends are aware that the problem lies mostly with my sister and the immature ways she acts ie not going to social events that i am going to etc.
It sounds like you don't really want to be around your sister then, worried about when the time comes where you might be together.

If you really want it to get better between the two of you, ignore her immature actions and still continue to try get rid of the tension even if she doesn't try herself. You can do this part yourself.

Personally I don't trust in other to make movements and actions. Its why I'm always first to apolagise first when I get in arguements, else some people can hold some really long grudges -.-
I think you have to learn to be happy for her and try and let her be happy for everything you've accomplished.

My sister's smarter and a lot thinner than me, but I'm happy for her and I've never even thought to feel jealous of her.
Sometimes Looks don't get you anyway, However intelligence can bring you alot more thing's in life.
Reply 17
Sounds like you are trying to widen the riff with each academic achievement. Just imagine your sister dying of cancer. Does it make feel sad? If it does, then you have a normal sibling rivalry. If the thought of your sister dying from cancer brings you the giggles then there is something majorly wrong with you.
OC_girl
I was thinking today about the realtionship i have with my sister (it's not a wonderful one) and i think that the way that we interact with one another and with our parents centres a lot around jealousy.

My sister is 'the pretty one', if she walks down a street in any major city there's a high probability that she'll get approached by a model scout from an agency. She always turns them down as though modeling is so.. beneath her standards or something.

I could probably handle this fact if i had any characteristics that balanced this inequality out a little.

To a 3rd party it might look as though i am the 'intelligent' one out of the two of us; my sister left school after her GCSEs, i'm doing my PhD. The reality of this is that she is just as intelligent as i am but she just chose a different path (she trains Polo ponies) for which academic qualifications were not important.

I am jealous of her. She is jealous of me. When we had to live under the same roof the atmosphere was really tense, if my mother was taking me shopping for new clothes or simply to have lunch/coffee in town then my sister would stay at home rather than spend any time in my company. It made things really awkward for my mother an she'd have to duplicate all the social things she and i did as my sister wanted to partake in these activities but just not with me :frown:

I wonder whether these things will get better with age or whether i am widening the rift between us with each academic achievement.


What qualities do you posess exactly that is she jealous of?
Reply 19
The longest relationship you have with any 1 person throughout your life is likely to be a sibling, so make the most of it if you can.