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How do you cope with jealousy in a relationship? watch

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    A new study has shown the Facebook increases jealousy in relationships

    http://mashable.com/2009/08/09/facebook-relationship-jealous/


    So, how do you cope with jealousy in your relationship?
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    I don't really get jealous.
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    Jealousy is a normal part of everyone's emotions. However - too much jealous can be borderline abusive/creepy.
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    There's very little jealousy in my relationship but, in the event of any problem, we'd likely just talk it out. :dontknow:
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    I was quite bad for being jealous at the start of my relationship years ago but over the years I've mellowed out and realised that it is me my partner wants and I have nothing to worry about. My best advice when you feel jealous for whatever reason is to talk it out with your partner. Keeping it in just makes you feel worse and you'll no doubt snap at your partner.
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    (Original post by Tyrion_Lannister)
    I don't really get jealous.
    I used to be really bad with jealousy, not so much with relationships but with friends and siblings etc. Think I've got better, is it just your personality that means you don't get jealous or have you just never really though about it?

    (Original post by Sakk89)
    Jealousy is a normal part of everyone's emotions. However - too much jealous can be borderline abusive/creepy.
    Have you had experience of this? How'd you deal with it?

    (Original post by Freudian Slip)
    There's very little jealousy in my relationship but, in the event of any problem, we'd likely just talk it out. :dontknow:
    Ah that's good! Are you guys just confident in your relationship or did you talk about things in the past that lead you not to get jealous?

    (Original post by Spock's Socks)
    I was quite bad for being jealous at the start of my relationship years ago but over the years I've mellowed out and realised that it is me my partner wants and I have nothing to worry about. My best advice when you feel jealous for whatever reason is to talk it out with your partner. Keeping it in just makes you feel worse and you'll no doubt snap at your partner.
    See I think I'm the same, I used to be a lot worse and now I will say things jokingly about me being jealous because I used to be so bad. I genuinely think talking is really the only answer.

    To the OP: I think that Facebook can be worse for slightly younger/immature relationships, as everything is online and everyone knows everyone's business. Also I think jealousy can be a self confidence issue, so those who feel less comfortable in themselves are more likely to be convinced that their partner is going to leave them as they don't see the good in themselves, so why would their partner? So I think a tip would maybe work harder on boosting self confidence in yourself and this can lead to helping your relationship!

    I think as we get older and our relationship is older we are more comfortable in knowing that our partners are less likely to be looking at anyone else. Also I spend quite a lot of time with my boyfriend so we have plenty of time together and I never feel jealous about him going out with his friends as then I can hang out with mine, so it's all good!
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    (Original post by lyrical_lie)
    Ah that's good! Are you guys just confident in your relationship or did you talk about things in the past that lead you not to get jealous?
    A combination of both, perhaps?

    I was quite insecure when we got together (problems I've since made an effort to work through...), so we talked a lot and I took comfort in his reassurances and vice versa. These days, I feel more confident in myself and, honestly, more secure in the relationship for being happier with who I am. :grin:
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    Communication is the biggest thing - if any jealously crops up it's important to be able to talk it out with your partner.

    I also find that applying the same standards to your partner as you do to yourself helps. For example, when you hang out with someone of the gender(s) you're attracted to, do you find yourself wanting to cheat? Are you immediately attracted to them? Does it make you doubt your relationship? Given that the answer is probably no, don't treat your partner differently. Trust that they are able to spend time with people without doubting you or loving you less, just as you are.

    Having an active, independent life is really important too. If you're busy working, studying, socialising, exercising etc you care less about what your partner does when you're apart as you're focusing on your own life. It's when you have very little to do that you start obsessing about your partner's life, which isn't at all healthy and breeds jealousy and insecurity.
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    (Original post by Freudian Slip)
    A combination of both, perhaps?

    I was quite insecure when we got together (problems I've since made an effort to work through...), so we talked a lot and I took comfort in his reassurances and vice versa. These days, I feel more confident in myself and, honestly, more secure in the relationship for being happier with who I am. :grin:
    Aww :love: love it I think I was similar, was this your first relationship? I think that makes a bit of a difference as it's quite new and shiny and I didn't know how to react properly I think. Also I think as the years went on we know each other better so we can say to each other if we think one of ours' jealousy is getting out of check. I say one of, it's usually me that gets pulled up for it :teehee:

    So your top tips are: - talk a lot to each other
    - building our own confidence up
    - reassure each other

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    (Original post by TheBigGeek)
    Communication is the biggest thing - if any jealously crops up it's important to be able to talk it out with your partner.

    I also find that applying the same standards to your partner as you do to yourself helps. For example, when you hang out with someone of the gender(s) you're attracted to, do you find yourself wanting to cheat? Are you immediately attracted to them? Does it make you doubt your relationship? Given that the answer is probably no, don't treat your partner differently. Trust that they are able to spend time with people without doubting you or loving you less, just as you are.

    Having an active, independent life is really important too. If you're busy working, studying, socialising, exercising etc you care less about what your partner does when you're apart as you're focusing on your own life. It's when you have very little to do that you start obsessing about your partner's life, which isn't at all healthy and breeds jealousy and insecurity.
    Ah so many good points! I especially agree with the one about having your own life. Especially in relation to friends. I think having friends of different genders too as that way you can see that people can have guy-friends, female-friends without being paranoid their other half will think they're cheating just for talking to someone.

    So, it looks like your big tips would be:
    - Communication
    -Trust your relationship
    - Place the same standards you would on yourself on your relationship
    - Have your own life as well as a relationship!
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    (Original post by lyrical_lie)
    Ah so many good points! I especially agree with the one about having your own life. Especially in relation to friends. I think having friends of different genders too as that way you can see that people can have guy-friends, female-friends without being paranoid their other half will think they're cheating just for talking to someone.

    So, it looks like your big tips would be:
    - Communication
    -Trust your relationship
    - Place the same standards you would on yourself on your relationship
    - Have your own life as well as a relationship!
    Yeah I think that sums up what I think really well! I find that by doing these things it really helps keep jealousy to a minimum and helps you work through it, both independently and as a couple, when issues crop up.

    I think feeling some jealousy is unavoidable, especially when you're young and you don't have much relationship experience - the important thing is that you can deal with it in a healthy way!
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    But what do you guys think about a situation where your partner can't understand the jealousy so is sick of hearing it so talking it through might not be an option? Do you think it is best to turn to friends, seek professional help or keep trying to make your partner understand?
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    (Original post by lyrical_lie)
    Aww :love: love it I think I was similar, was this your first relationship? I think that makes a bit of a difference as it's quite new and shiny and I didn't know how to react properly I think. Also I think as the years went on we know each other better so we can say to each other if we think one of ours' jealousy is getting out of check. I say one of, it's usually me that gets pulled up for it :teehee:

    So your top tips are: - talk a lot to each other
    - building our own confidence up
    - reassure each other

    Haha, nope, I was engaged to my partner of five years before this... I gained a lot of weight in that relationship and it was pretty immature / unhealthy for us both, so I guess some of that carried over into this relationship.

    :facepalm:
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    I normally get very *****y before I tell him what's the matter. I deal with negative emotions generally by being sarcastic and *****y.

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    (Original post by Freudian Slip)
    Haha, nope, I was engaged to my partner of five years before this... I gained a lot of weight in that relationship and it was pretty immature / unhealthy for us both, so I guess some of that carried over into this relationship.

    :facepalm:
    Oh wow! Clearly shows me not to assume! So previous relationships coming over and can affect current ones. ( Which I know happened with mine, I have a deep set hatred for tabletop games due to it :teehee:. But yea, good point to think about!


    (Original post by donutaud15)
    I normally get very *****y before I tell him what's the matter. I deal with negative emotions generally by being sarcastic and *****y.

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    See so do I a little bit. I try not too because I have a really guilty streak. I'll be nasty on the phone and then hang up. Then come back 5 minutes later like sorrrry, I'll try and be a grown up. I think it's realising that's the way we are and try to grow out of it a bit. I have a lot of growing to do clearly (like a sunflower! ), but I've been doing better especially since moving away as I don't have enough time to through temper tantrums as we hardly get to speak to each other. I thought I would be more paranoid/jealous about moving away but it's been fine, we keep each other up to date in our lives enough :awesome:
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    So if you have been cheated on before and start a new relationship, how do you cope with the mistrust that you carry over from your previous experience? I expect in this case the jealousy would be a lot stronger?
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    (Original post by lyrical_lie)



    Have you had experience of this? How'd you deal with it?
    Well - jealousy just means that you care about the other person - but it's boarder line. Too much jealousy makes the other person feel mistrusted.

    I used to be with a very jealous man - to the extent where when I would go out with GF's for coffee he would call me 1000 times to say hi and what I was doing.

    I found out later that his ex-gf cheated and I was now picking up the pieces. I never found a way around it - if i would mention a male colleague he would ask me exactly word for word what we spoke about. I could never understand it. Shame - because this is what destroyed us. I felt mistrusted - and was like well if I cheated right now - I would get the same reaction as me not cheating really?

    Jealousy is the devil.
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    I think jealousy is definitely correlated with your level of self-esteem.

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    Hey everyone here's the wiki page I've been working on. If you have any comments or suggestions for improvements then let me know. http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/wiki..._relationships
    (Original post by Freudian Slip)
    Haha, nope, I was engaged to my partner of five years before this... I gained a lot of weight in that relationship and it was pretty immature / unhealthy for us both, so I guess some of that carried over into this relationship.

    :facepalm:

    (Original post by TheBigGeek)
    Yeah I think that sums up what I think really well! I find that by doing these things it really helps keep jealousy to a minimum and helps you work through it, both independently and as a couple, when issues crop up.

    I think feeling some jealousy is unavoidable, especially when you're young and you don't have much relationship experience - the important thing is that you can deal with it in a healthy way!
 
 
 
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