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Tell me who is in the wrong me or him? watch

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    Please bear with me this is a long story. Basically over the last year I've become very close with a group of friends that really do mean the world to me, they aren't bad people but i'm starting to think that it would be best if i gave up on them. The group were originally friends before i came along, and one guy (i should mention he said he was bi from the start) in particular I've got feelings for. When i met him he was shy and awful with social situations, he has problems holding on to a normal relationships with anyone including his friends. We became close and hung out a lot and he became more social with other friends of mine outside his group, i like to think that i helped him grow in confidence. He'd quite happily hang out with me without our friendship group too, we always hugged, he kissed me when he got drunk and one point he told me how he loved me. He didn't want a relationship and claimed it was because he doesn't like being that close to people. His behavior towards me never changed though and he still told me he loved me and our friendship continued. I know i mean a lot to him because he cried when he thought he lost me the last time. He did talk to me about his sexuality and said he didn't like labels, he fell in love with someone for the person not gender. He's said i'm attractive and guys would be lucky to have me and he's now got comfortable around me enough to not be self conscious, so obviously i was very confused at why he won't date me after all this. He gets sad when people ask if we are dating and apologies to me.

    Recently I've only seen him show an interest in guys now so i presume he is 100% gay (he just won't admit it) which of course i'm upset about, i feel really bad but i get jealous when he talks to guys on the internet or goes to gay bars. He never dates them or anything because he still claims he's scared of a close relationship. I can't walk away because he will be upset, but i don't really want to watch this anymore because it hurts me. He's gone off to university now and i think he's made lots of new friends but we still keep in touch, i'm meeting up with him in a few weeks.

    I think because of his inability to hold a normal relationship he's quite flakey, when he's had a drink he will stand all over his friends to get attention from new people but has no interest in making friends with them. He quite literally would ignore his actual friends all night to talk to these new people only to ignore the new people if they tried to speak to him again and expect everything with his actual friend to be hunky dorey. This worries me about him at university, i'm really not exaggerating but hes probably going to ignore me for an entire year because he's living his happy life away from home but the second he comes home from university he will expect to pick up where he left and not realise he's done anything wrong.

    Basically what i'm saying is i'm stuck, is he a really bad friend who led me on and really doesn't care if our friendship ends or does he want to love me but just cant because he's gay, he doesn't realise that he chooses other people over me and he actually would make an effort to stay friends with me no matter how great his new university friends are.
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    Oh hell no mate, you're gonna have to break this one down :lol:
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    (Original post by RiOt GrrrL)
    Oh hell no mate, you're gonna have to break this one down :lol:
    Literally


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    Okay so, have you asked him if he's unattractive to you because you're a girl? Like, is him supposedly being gay, rather than bi the reason why he won't be with you?

    As for the ditching his friends for new ones, that kinda sucks.. But does he realise he's doing it?


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    I feel he doesn't really care about you to put you in this situation, he can't just pick up where he left! it's not fair on you. You need to come first he at uni he gonna learn loads. Your happiness should be your priority do what makes you happy. I would rather invest my time with someone who actually genuinely cares and wants me 100% I wouldn't want that little doubt that means things can be messed about.
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    (Original post by whittakerm)
    Okay so, have you asked him if he's unattractive to you because you're a girl? Like, is him supposedly being gay, rather than bi the reason why he won't be with you?As for the ditching his friends for new ones, that kinda sucks.. But does he realise he's doing it?Posted from TSR Mobile
    I think it is, he wont admit it but it really is the only explanation and as for the ditching me know he doesn't realise he does it, he's never wanted to hold a friendship so he didn't know he did it till i explained, he said he was sorry and that he hates himself for it, but i know he can't change.
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    (Original post by Jgco2chem)
    I feel he doesn't really care about you to put you in this situation, he can't just pick up where he left! it's not fair on you. You need to come first he at uni he gonna learn loads. Your happiness should be your priority do what makes you happy. I would rather invest my time with someone who actually genuinely cares and wants me 100% I wouldn't want that little doubt that means things can be messed about.
    Well said but he does care about me, he'd be gutted if i hated him, it's just he is unaware of what he's done unless i tell him. I know i should probably make a decision on whether i'm willing to do all the work to stay friends or just go. Thanks for the advice anyway.
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    Stop playing the blame game. Put your big girl pants on and talk to him like an adult.
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    (Original post by anonineedhelp)
    Well said but he does care about me, he'd be gutted if i hated him, it's just he is unaware of what he's done unless i tell him. I know i should probably make a decision on whether i'm willing to do all the work to stay friends or just go. Thanks for the advice anyway.
    Your welcome, but I feel he gonna discover for himself what he doing is wrong at uni, I am not asking you to hate him, I feel you shouldn't have to go out your way to keep this friendship thing.

    But since your meeting him, try get a decision made, say how you feel so he is aware.

    Best of luck
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    (Original post by whittakerm)
    Okay so, have you asked him if he's unattractive to you because you're a girl? Like, is him supposedly being gay, rather than bi the reason why he won't be with you?

    As for the ditching his friends for new ones, that kinda sucks.. But does he realise he's doing it?


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    Wait wats it about lol
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    (Original post by alow)
    Stop playing the blame game. Put your big girl pants on and talk to him like an adult.
    Sheet, be gentle, we're all friends here lol
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    (Original post by alow)
    Stop playing the blame game. Put your big girl pants on and talk to him like an adult.
    Hahaha tried that when i told him i liked him the first time, just made things more awkward but i guess your right.
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    (Original post by RiOt GrrrL)
    Wait wats it about lol
    You crack me up haha, basically i'm deciding whether to break a friendship with someone i like as more than a friends because he's not worth it or that everything he's done to upset me was a accident and i should stick around?

    Read it all if you can be bothered, my life is some entertaining stuff haha.
 
 
 
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