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3rd year living with freshers in halls.. completely out of my depth. PLEASE help. watch

    • Thread Starter

    Need advice desperately here please :ashamed:. I know that it is very pathetic for a 3rd year to be writing on here asking for advice from people I don't know but to be fair I have asked my friends and family and they don't really have an answer for me.

    To cut a long story short I am female, in my 3rd year, I live in halls at university. My cluster has 10 people including me, and there are 4 clusters to a block. In the block is a common room.

    I don't quite know where to start. Firstly, I started getting on with everyone really well. The people in my cluster (and generally in the halls) are friendly people who are quite easy to get along with. The only problem is, I am naturally a quiet person, though I have made the effort to get to know some people.

    One thing I hate is the common room. Everyone in the block needs to go through the common room to enter/exit the building (all the other exits are fire escapes so can't be used). So it makes it really awkward if I have had a really tough day, coming back from lectures into a room full of 30 people who I barely know.

    Even more awkward is that you can't see who is in the common room before you go in there. There is a little glass window but all you can see is say one person sitting on a chair and tons of laughter.

    I don't mind drinking, but this is to the extreme. A few of them have become paralytic completely out of it and needing to be looked after. I don't really mind, but I am way more mature than any of them, and of a completely different mindset.

    Furthermore my boyfriend lives in the hall with me, but not in my cluster. I think this has made it so much harder, as he is so much better at communicating than I am. He has made tons of friends already, everyone says hi to him when he goes into the common room, he has a laugh with people. He's just a naturally likeable person. I know this sounds really sad, but it makes me want to cry. He is already spending more and more time away from me, and choosing to spend time with other girls.. in a friendly way but it's still heartbreaking. He will tease girls in the common room while I am in there, and I can't help but be jealous. (But I know that this is 100% my problem). He doesn't even talk to me when I am in the common room with him.

    Another problem is that I don't know why but I have been feeling constantly sick to my stomach ever since I have moved in. I am completely off my food, the thought of it makes me want to vomit. I have only been eating one meal a day, if that.

    One strategy I have is to go into the common room with my boyfriend, as I feel so insecure going in there on my own. It works, as it isn't as awkward, but I hate having to rely on him, I feel so weak.

    Bottom line is, it is just making me really really depressed. I was so close to just packing a bag and going home last night, I had really had enough, couldn't stop crying, just can't seem to pull myself together.

    Like today, I came back from lectures, walked into the common room, curtains were all shut, room was dark, but there was about 15 people in there, I just didn't know what they were doing, and they were all talking, so I just walked through to my room but I felt so awkward doing so.

    I don't know what to do. Please give me some advice
    • Thread Starter

    Another thing that isn't really helping my mood is that I feel that I need to drink to be able to talk to so many people in the common room. So I usually have two double mixers before I go in and then drink more when I'm in there. I stay out of drinking games but try and socialise as much as I can. But I don't even want to drink which is annoying too, Don't get me wrong I absolutely love going on nights out and getting away from my problems for a while, but all this drinking isn't solving any of my problems, in fact it's making them worse.

    You are becoming, and feeling alienated.
    Have you TOLD your bf how you are feeling? Maybe you should.

    One thing to bear in mind, is that this is a relatively short period of your life, and you're almost done?
    The people you're living with are too immature and consumed with having their own good time to be interested in you, so you can't rely on them and their maturity to assist you through this. You're going to have to tackle this yourself. And you can.

    But you need some strategies. And you're going to have to man up. I'm sorry, honestly I am, but as I'm not in the same room as you to help you through this, you need to know a few things. You ARE being weak. And going to have to stop that. Remember who you are on the inside, and feel angry that you are allowing these freshers eejits to make you feel this way.

    Walk through that common room with your head held high, and say "hi guys", even if you feel like dying inside. Do it. Walk in. Walk out. That's all you to do. And breathe. :-D

    And try to make a connection with at least one of these people. They don't know you're feeling this way. People aren't mind readers.

    Whatever happens, this time is going to pass. But you CAN try to take control of the situation.

    Jo :-D
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