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My depression will never leave me and I've wasted £4000 watch

    • #1
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    As I write this I'm in tears and have never felt so low.

    I am 23 and was diagnosed with depression and anxiety when I was 14. What triggered it was vicious bullying at school. The stigma stayed with me for years, I went on anti-depressants at 15 and always wanted to keep my head down because I felt judged by everyone.

    But then at uni everything changed. I felt I could come into my own, everyone was nice and accepting and my 'illness' didn't rule me anymore. I even got a part time job which helped me not be so shy and almost combat my social anxiety.

    I graduated uni this year, and stopped the anti-depressants completely. I was so proud of myself, I felt I was NORMAL.

    Then I enrolled on an intense journalism course, costing £4000. I always wanted to be a writer and felt I could do it.

    I'm in week 3 and it's been a nightmare. I have 13 hour days and my depression has come back full on, and the long days don't help. The course feels just like school, and I'm even getting mildly bullied by this girl who excludes me for no reason I can think of.

    I feel pathetic. I have stopped going in after spending a lunch time crying in the toilets. I won't get out of bed even. And the worst part is, the teachers aren't even bothering to reply to my emails when I tell them I need to talk to them.

    This makes me want to throw in the towel, I think if I told them about my illness they would say 'then journalism isn't the job for you, why are you doing this course?' Depression has such a stigma attached to it.

    But quitting would make me lose the £4000 I spent on it.

    I need help/advise from someone about what I can do. I don't know who I can speak to about this....
    • #2
    #2

    I'm gonna make you feel better - just read this. I have £30 000 debt now, spent on law education and just now I've realized I will never be a good lawyer and I've never been more unhappy in my life, even though I've had depression since I was 13.
    4 thousand is nothing, if it's making you so unhappy, quit it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    As I write this I'm in tears and have never felt so low.

    I am 23 and was diagnosed with depression and anxiety when I was 14. What triggered it was vicious bullying at school. The stigma stayed with me for years, I went on anti-depressants at 15 and always wanted to keep my head down because I felt judged by everyone.

    But then at uni everything changed. I felt I could come into my own, everyone was nice and accepting and my 'illness' didn't rule me anymore. I even got a part time job which helped me not be so shy and almost combat my social anxiety.

    I graduated uni this year, and stopped the anti-depressants completely. I was so proud of myself, I felt I was NORMAL.

    Then I enrolled on an intense journalism course, costing £4000. I always wanted to be a writer and felt I could do it.

    I'm in week 3 and it's been a nightmare. I have 13 hour days and my depression has come back full on, and the long days don't help. The course feels just like school, and I'm even getting mildly bullied by this girl who excludes me for no reason I can think of.

    I feel pathetic. I have stopped going in after spending a lunch time crying in the toilets. I won't get out of bed even. And the worst part is, the teachers aren't even bothering to reply to my emails when I tell them I need to talk to them.

    This makes me want to throw in the towel, I think if I told them about my illness they would say 'then journalism isn't the job for you, why are you doing this course?' Depression has such a stigma attached to it.

    But quitting would make me lose the £4000 I spent on it.

    I need help/advise from someone about what I can do. I don't know who I can speak to about this....
    I am very sorry to hear that things have been so tough for you recently.

    Depression is certainly not easy at all to deal with or get through, but you have to remember that you managed to get through it once and there is no reason as to why you can't get through it again.

    Have you tried speaking to your GP to see if they can help at all?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    As I write this I'm in tears and have never felt so low.

    I am 23 and was diagnosed with depression and anxiety when I was 14. What triggered it was vicious bullying at school. The stigma stayed with me for years, I went on anti-depressants at 15 and always wanted to keep my head down because I felt judged by everyone.

    But then at uni everything changed. I felt I could come into my own, everyone was nice and accepting and my 'illness' didn't rule me anymore. I even got a part time job which helped me not be so shy and almost combat my social anxiety.

    I graduated uni this year, and stopped the anti-depressants completely. I was so proud of myself, I felt I was NORMAL.

    Then I enrolled on an intense journalism course, costing £4000. I always wanted to be a writer and felt I could do it.

    I'm in week 3 and it's been a nightmare. I have 13 hour days and my depression has come back full on, and the long days don't help. The course feels just like school, and I'm even getting mildly bullied by this girl who excludes me for no reason I can think of.

    I feel pathetic. I have stopped going in after spending a lunch time crying in the toilets. I won't get out of bed even. And the worst part is, the teachers aren't even bothering to reply to my emails when I tell them I need to talk to them.

    This makes me want to throw in the towel, I think if I told them about my illness they would say 'then journalism isn't the job for you, why are you doing this course?' Depression has such a stigma attached to it.

    But quitting would make me lose the £4000 I spent on it.

    I need help/advise from someone about what I can do. I don't know who I can speak to about this....
    At the end of the day, you can just leave it. Many have tried different things and many have failed and moved on. Only a few stick around and try their best, no matter how bad they fail/failing.

    At the end of your life, when you reflect on how your life was, you may well look back at this and wished that you had at the very least given it your all. Imagine this course gives you the know-how to do what you always wanted to do, become the person that you wanted to become. And you gave up. Just stick to it, practise, get better and do the best that you can. At least then you can happily know you did your best. No matter what.

    Good luck, believe in yourself, I believe in you. Many have lost faith in me, but I will ****ing rip the soul out of my A2s this year, and I honestly think you can do too .
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    (Original post by Anonymous)

    I graduated uni this year, and stopped the anti-depressants completely. I was so proud of myself, I felt I was NORMAL.
    Have you stopped them on your own or have you stopped them after consulting your doctor? Have you ever done a proper therapy? I am just asking, because you have been depressed for such a long time and thus, it does not seem to me, like a easy thing to tackle, yet, you have only spoken on AD.

    Then I enrolled on an intense journalism course, costing £4000. I always wanted to be a writer and felt I could do it.
    Is it just a feeling or have you actively failed until you began to feel that depressed, you could no more work?

    I'm in week 3 and it's been a nightmare. I have 13 hour days and my depression has come back full on, and the long days don't help. The course feels just like school, and I'm even getting mildly bullied by this girl who excludes me for no reason I can think of.
    It takes time to adapt, but as it is just week three, it might be rather a problem with the illness, then with the course by itself. And you don't have to be the friend of everyone, so relax and be aware that depression can play a trick on you, concerning how popular you actually have to be.
    And the worst part is, the teachers aren't even bothering to reply to my emails when I tell them I need to talk to them.
    Anyone else despite the teachers? Do they have an office for students with disabilities? Would you be able to apply for DSA?

    This makes me want to throw in the towel, I think if I told them about my illness they would say 'then journalism isn't the job for you, why are you doing this course?' Depression has such a stigma attached to it.
    You only have to tell them, that you are ill. Or just don't want to. Nevertheless give a thought about DSA and definitely get back to the doctors, because having a problem fory years, does not seem like a good deal.
    But quitting would make me lose the £4000 I spent on it.
    Better get really cured (or at least coping) and then 4000 are no more important.

    I don't know who I can speak to about this....
    Doctors, chaplains, ...
    • #3
    #3

    If you feel like quitting the course will make you happier and have less anxiety then you must quit the course. Your mental health is more important. As its only been the first 3 weeks, keep going. Everyone finds something new and demanding challenging at first. Go to your doctor and see if you can go back on your medication again. Speak to your teachers in person, teachers often get a lot of emails daily so don't take it to heart if they don't reply.

    Keep trying with your course, and ignore that girl and her petty behavior. When you signed onto your course, you signed on for you to make sure self a more educated person, do not let someone stop you. Never give up!
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    I would advisse you speak to your gp to see if there is anyway they can help with sick notes, medication, therapy,ect
    Also approch your boss/tutor on the course and tell them you need some sick leave.

    I think if you do those 2 things you could take some time off and recouperate then go back in a few weeks when you feel better.

    you could also ask about reduced hours and telling your boss about the bullying to see if they can make some reasonable adjustment to make your job easier.
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    You shouldn't have stopped the anti-depressants.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    As I write this I'm in tears and have never felt so low.

    I am 23 and was diagnosed with depression and anxiety when I was 14. What triggered it was vicious bullying at school. The stigma stayed with me for years, I went on anti-depressants at 15 and always wanted to keep my head down because I felt judged by everyone.

    But then at uni everything changed. I felt I could come into my own, everyone was nice and accepting and my 'illness' didn't rule me anymore. I even got a part time job which helped me not be so shy and almost combat my social anxiety.

    I graduated uni this year, and stopped the anti-depressants completely. I was so proud of myself, I felt I was NORMAL.

    Then I enrolled on an intense journalism course, costing £4000. I always wanted to be a writer and felt I could do it.

    I'm in week 3 and it's been a nightmare. I have 13 hour days and my depression has come back full on, and the long days don't help. The course feels just like school, and I'm even getting mildly bullied by this girl who excludes me for no reason I can think of.

    I feel pathetic. I have stopped going in after spending a lunch time crying in the toilets. I won't get out of bed even. And the worst part is, the teachers aren't even bothering to reply to my emails when I tell them I need to talk to them.

    This makes me want to throw in the towel, I think if I told them about my illness they would say 'then journalism isn't the job for you, why are you doing this course?' Depression has such a stigma attached to it.

    But quitting would make me lose the £4000 I spent on it.

    I need help/advise from someone about what I can do. I don't know who I can speak to about this....
    Don't listen to these people telling you to give it up. You have had success using antideppresants before and reached remmision and no longer needed them. Now that you are under huge stress again I would think by what you write and how u feel and your symptoms that depression has came back.

    Get yourself ack on antidepressants asap. Stick it out and give the ad a fair trial like 8 weeks.

    Also, get a note from your go and use as evidence you have a serious illness. You may get to take the year off to recover and start next year using you antidepressant.

    To recap:

    1. See your go. Get medication. Get a letter from your doc confirming illness.

    2. Hand in or scan letter to course advisor or lecturer/ tutor. Ask for time off to deal with side effects. Or. Ask for extended deadlines. Use for absence evidence. Or if you cannot continue and fall too far behind ask for rest of year off and repeat next year.

    Good luck with recovery.
 
 
 
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