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Just about to start uni,parents splitting up

Basically I just wanted advice on people whose parents split up just before they started university or at major points in their lives? I've always known mine probably will go their separate ways one day, but i always thought it would happen maturely and reasonably as we always talk things through as a family. My dad has been contemplating going to america to "find a new career" , he has been low grade depressed for years and as a family we were happy that he was finally getting enthusiastic and motivated about something, and we were making plans as a family to move back to england from france and start a new life. Now it turns out he has been secretly having a liaison with this women there that we met a few weeks ago, and planning to meet her there, with her wanting him to set up with her bla bla bla. its all a load of *******s and it was just a silly fantasy but anyway my mum found out and it all came out in a massive scene which i also participated in. i was initially angry at him, but the problem is i also feel sorry for him because i love him and i know how unhappy he is and how lost and desperate he must have been to do contemplate jeopardising our family like that. anyway, its really awful now as im leaving for university in 2 weeks, i have no idea what is going on, if my parents are staying together, if my father is still going to go off with this woman or what.
anyway i know ppl go through much worse than that, but i just wanted to know if ppl have gone through anything similar and if you have any tips for coping, both now and when i get to uni? because im going to find it so difficult trying to be all friendly and positive and make a gd start at uni with that sort of thing going on in the background.
anyway id b glad to hear of other ppls experiences

Reply 1

rob_h_88

thats sucks, i also have a very similar experience. Starting uni in october and over the last year my parents have split, live in different places now (me with my dad), they get on ok but its very odd as they were together for over 30 years and obviously was something in my life that i had never really considered changing.

Also for me, my dad decided to change profession and go after a life dream of owning a shop which i totally supported him in. However, it failed miserably leaving my breaking-up family also thoroughly bankrupt.

I then broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years and (although fully material) moved into a house half the size of what id lived in my whole life.

However, after all of this i'm a very happy person at the moment, love all my family, have great friends and cannot wait till uni! You'll have a great time fruitcake and things always work themselves out in some way or other, its the change thats the hard part

all the best,
rob

Reply 2

chilliekay

heya, my parents split up 2 years ago and i found it really hard to get over... but i guess im happy for them now cos i think they're better apart. My older sister went off to uni literally 2 days after we (my mum & 2 sisters) moved house after the divorce and i think the hardest thing for her was feeling like she had no home anymore...when she came home she didnt recognise the 'new' house and she didnt have her own room for a while etc etc...
i think as long as you know that your parents both love you and will always be there for you and that you HAVE somewhere to go home, you will be ok. good luck xx

Reply 3

allymcb2

You could start by not posting your family business online.

Divorcing at this point is perfect, surely. You will be out of all the hassle.

Reply 4

street

allymcb2

Divorcing at this point is perfect, surely. You will be out of all the hassle.

Absolute rubbish

Reply 5

fruitcake

allymcb2

You could start by not posting your family business online.

Divorcing at this point is perfect, surely. You will be out of all the hassle.

you can piss off for a start, if you haven't got anything valid to say dont bother posting. you obviously dont give a **** about your family, and i do, so mind your own business. its not like im attention seeking im just seeing if anyone has lived through anything similar.

everyone else, cheers, its nice to know that ppl hav been through similar things! i mean i knew ppl did but its nice to actually hear it from ppl who are encouraging, so thanks v. much.

Reply 6

Raindroped

I went through it 5 years ago, and there's not point lying- it's not easy, it changes almost everything and you will have to get used to doing things differently. Uni will be such a good chance for you to forget about the problems at home and you can concentrate on the important things! That's not saying you must forget your family, of course they are important and you love them but a break is probably a good thing. All i can say is if you are having trouble getting your head around it or one day you get upset about it or whatever, is that you talk about it to someone. I bottled it all up and then finally cracked 3/4 years later which lasted the whole process out for way too long. Good luck :smile:

Reply 7

MAKATTACK

allymcb2

You could start by not posting your family business online.

Divorcing at this point is perfect, surely. You will be out of all the hassle.

What the hell is wrong with u :mad:

. U sound like a bitter, lonely little misanthropist

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

I know exactly what you are going through. My parents are in the process of divorce. Since I will be living with my mum, my sister and I are being ignored by my dads side of our family. The divorce process is horrible when one wants to divorce and the other doesn't. Court hearings, sarcastic comments, adultery allegations... the works really. When you need to talk, talk the ears off your friends. They won't mind :biggrin:

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

allymcb2

You could start by not posting your family business online.

Divorcing at this point is perfect, surely. You will be out of all the hassle.

Oh grow up and stop trying to provoke a response from people who are going through hell.

Reply 10

rachelrainbow32

Yes ive been through it all about 3 years ago, and then again this week when my dad split up with his partner of two years, who i lived with, yes i was sad both times and you will cry and whatever, but at the end of the day it usually works out better as you will find that both your parents will be much happier in the long run as they are not stuck in a dead end relationship. Honestly it will be okay, just try and forget about it and dont let it ruin your first few days at uni.

Reply 11

allymcb2

Raindroped

Uni will be such a good chance for you to forget about the problems at home and you can concentrate on the important things! /QUOTE]

My point exactly.

To whoever negged me and said 'go through it yourself', my parents are divorced, and thats the way it suits me. My Dad left round about the time puberty and boyfriends became part of my life, so perfect timing.

Just make sure all of the rest of your family are happy about you 'talking your friends ears off'. The only stressful traumatic part of my parents divorce was getting my sister's blabbermouth to be sewn up about all the details.

And yes I am a misanthropist, but neither a sad nor lonely one.

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