I think I want to break up... no idea how

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#1
I've been dating my current GF for 3 years, and we've been good friends before this. I've had an amazing time with her but now it seems like things are fading.

Recently she's become really needy and depressed all the time, like literally on a daily basis she will text because somethings upset her or need consoling because she's in tears sometimes over the most petty stuff too... hard day at work, someone said something mean. Now I appreciate that you support your other half when stuff like this has been going on and I've tried, I've tried to give advice but it's falling on deaf ears.
It's got to the point now that everytime she texts I don't like reading it because it's never just chit chat it's always self obsessed mooching and I have to be honest this is starting to get me down aswell to the point where I find myself getting annoyed at most things she says now because it's the same **** over and over.

To me it's clear that things can't go on because it's not a healthy relationship if you're making each other unhappy.
Though it's difficult to go to someone after 3 years and simply say I think I'm falling out of love with you. Just wondering if anyone else has had similar experiences of having to break up with someone they've fallen out of love with? how'd they take it and what did you say?

I also realise that some people may be judgmental at me breaking up with someone who's upset/depressed. Say what you will... I'm happy to be there for her and will say that but I can't be in a relationship with them...
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TenOfThem
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(Original post by Anonymous)
...
You have to accept that she will be totally devastated - especially as this seems to be a bit out of the blue


But that is simply how life works

You need to be honest - tell her you are not happy in the relationship so you are ending it
You need to be decisive - do not pretend that it might be ok after a break or if she changes or anything else
Make a clean break - do not give her false hope
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Awesome-o
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Concise text message - "We're finished xx"
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Mankytoes
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(Original post by Anonymous)

To me it's clear that things can't go on because it's not a healthy relationship if you're making each other unhappy.
I'd say that's definitely something you should say. Something like "I don't feel that things have been working between us for some time, I'm not happy and I don't feel that I'm making you happy either."
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Comus
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  • Do it in person.
  • Be polite but firm.
  • Do it somewhere private.
  • Be comforting but with a degree of detachment.
  • Avoid doing it just before she has anything big she has planned - e.g a holiday (if possible).
  • A Friday is probably ideal.
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shweta.bh
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(Original post by Anonymous)
To me it's clear that things can't go on because it's not a healthy relationship if you're making each other unhappy.
Though it's difficult to go to someone after 3 years and simply say I think I'm falling out of love with you. Just wondering if anyone else has had similar experiences of having to break up with someone they've fallen out of love with? how'd they take it and what did you say?
I went through something similar, so I totally understand what you're going through. I dated this guy for almost 3 years, and towards the end, the relationship was a complete drag. I tried ending it a couple of times because: (a) it was a long distance relationship, due to which my ex was unable to speak to me pretty much most of the time during the last few weeks before the breakup; and (b) things just didn't go the way they were supposed to. We always fought over the smallest things, which really made me fall out of love with him. So I eventually got annoyed and said that I wanted to breakup. He did say sorry a couple of times and promised to try and fix things, but it still didn't go well. Finally when I couldn't take it any longer, I told him it was over. It was a total shocker for him when he realized that I was being serious this time. He tried his best to get me back, but there was nothing that could make me change my mind.

You need to speak up for yourself sometimes; and if you feel unhappy in the relationship, it's better for both of you to get a break. It'll be difficult for her, I know, but it's not worth suffering like this. I hope it helps!
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