The Student Room Group

Coping with friends leaving

The long and short of it is that most of my friends left for uni today (I am staying an extra year at college). Over the past week it (being able to cope) got worse and worse as more of my friends have left.

I'm working hard at finishing my A-levels because I'm now at college with the year below me and the year below them (it's not a very nice experience I can tell you although I'll get used to it). My lunch breaks are now filled with work becaue I don't feel I'm accepted into their groups. That's good because it means I'm working and I will *hopefully* improve my grades.

I have suffered from mild depression for a number of years, although it was worse about 4/5 years ago and has got better but like anyone, I go through stages.

I have rececently given up working evenings (instead of working 3 evenings a week I will now work sundays) to be able to do my school work (I am determined to do better this year if you hadn't already guessed). Fair enough, I am doing my work but I'm also finding the evenings very lonely, especially as they're darker now it's winter.

I have a dog and he's ace, we go out for walks a lot which is a real breather but I can't help feeling very down and sad in the evenings.

Whereas I would have seen friends, I now sit at home and work and cook and tidy my room......

I have two friends left here who are taking gap years. Unfortunately they both live a fair way away from me and I have to train to get to them direct.

I also don't like to pester them into seeing me, d'ya get what I mean?

I recognise that I have a fear of rejection. It' not a nice thing. There's not much else I can do in the way of coping that just getting on with it I guess?

I guess I win the prize for the post pointless post.

I am feeling very sad at the moment and generally need to pour things out to someone, anyone who will listen. All my friends have gone (I know they'll come home for holidays but...) and I really don't feel like I've got anyone to fall back on (I don't have a very supportive family).

Thank you for reading this, means a lot.
Reply 1
I think the most important thing for you to do at the moment is exactly what you are doing. Set goals for this year and make sure they challenge you, and are ambitious but most of all are also realistic and achievable so you can reward yourself afterwards. Goals will set you on a more defined path and bring you to where you want to be. Surely once you have a good path and you are comfortable and have found a routine you will make friends and find groups with similar interests. As for longer term goals you could write down a list of aspirations which you hope to achieve - these will define you more as a person but also challenge you and help you to think about your future.

Challenge yourself but don't kill yourself and try to keep yourself busy whether it is working, studying, walking the dog, or dreaming/musing about things you want to do or achieve. You will find yourself sooner or later and grow confidence - meanwhile just have faith in yourself.
Hey,
ok firstly it's not a pointless post, your upset for a good reason because anyone whose friends have moved away is going to be feeling lonley and sad.
The fact that you're working in lunchbreaks is really good cos you'll definatley improve your grades, however maybe u should try and talk to loadsa people or join clubs, and of course at first it will be shallow friendships but as you get to know people they'll accept u and realise that ur actually really nice and talk to u more (just as the friends who have left for uni did when u first met)
In the evenings why don't you try and work one more night and then spend the others on schoolwork to balance it out? also try to meet new people and maybe contact old friends that you haven't spoken to in ages to regain those friendships.
Maybe go to the doctor about the depression? or once you start talking to new people talk to them about it cos it helps to share problems.
I know how you feel with the fear of rejection, the thing is your friends will come back and see you during the holidays and you'll obviously keep in contact cos you seem like you've got some very close friends, i'm sure they are always there for you so why don't you call them in their spare evening or ask them when they are free and make the journey to see them?
Just don't give up - you can make new friends easily, keep your old ones and get the good grades!! remember your friends are probably missing you as much as you are missing them and you'll be off to uni soon anyway so make the most of being able to work with no distractions.
Hope this helps
Good Luck xxxx
I'm in the same position. I'm on a forced gap year due to finances, and in between the stress of trying to look for a job, I'm feeling lonely and a bit bitter that all my friends have left and I'm still stuck here. I have a few friends on gap years, but they're excited because they get to travel and won't be around much. Because I was in the local paper due to my results a lot of people have shown more interest in my Uni-going than they would otherwise have, and it makes me feel really miserable to say 'Nope, not going this year' and then having to explain that I won't be journeying through the jungle either. The only factors that have made it easier have been keeping busy, which from your post you're already doing, and trying to be optimistic. When I start a job, hopefully there will be other young people to make friends with. I'm going to make an effort to be less anti-social and get together with the other social groups of my friends that are left. Is there no one in your college left that you know that you could possibly get to know better? I know in my college at least, I wasn't particularly unfriendly with quite a few groups of younger students, and I didn't feel too awkward hanging around with them when my friends weren't around. Are there clubs outside of college you could join to make friends? Then you won't have the awkwardness of necessarily having to explain your situation to everyone you meet for the first time (which might happen if you tried making friends with college people). Also, write letters and emails to keep in touch with your friends who have left. I've never written letters regularly before and I'm quite besotted with the romanticised idea of receiving and sending letters this year.
Reply 4
Thank you for you replies.

I think it was a cry for help in a way.

The goals sound like a good idea but they would all my school related and I really need motivation to actually do anything like that.... I can do it but I'd rather either do it in my own time or be bribed, lol.

SD, i hope I will settle and I'm sure I will. There isn't much to settle to, I've been at college two years already but it's difficult because I hardly spoke to the year below me yet I am now in a year group with them. I feel a bit like a spare part.

I have things to be doing and once I find the motivation I'm looking for I'm pretty sure I'll be ok. I'm hoping that my brother won't notice if I nab his bike and start cycling.... lol.

Anon, going to the doctors is sort of not an option really because I have been before and I don't believe there's much more they can do. I think all my 'problems' stem from life itself, not something medicine or similar can help so only life will sort it. This is life anyhoo.

Thing is, I have absolutely no reason to believe my friends miss me. They're ll having a wonderful time and making new friends. And I don't think any of them rely on me as much as I rely on them. The amount I rely on my friends is probably bad.

Visiting my friends always is a bit meh because I don't like inviting myself if ya get me....?

YL, I am musical and in an orchestra out of school but that's about it really. I bizarrely like the idea of an evening class or smething to do with photography so I might investigate that.... I'd also really like to start going to the gym agan but I can't get there which is a bit of a problem really. So I'm thinking instead I'm going to cycle and run-free!

Thank you again for your replies, really mean lots to me. It's good to talk and 'see' there are others in the same boat as me. Sorry for being so miserable.

Xx
I was going to go out today but i realised all my friends had already left for uni
Reply 6
:hugs:
Reply 7
brimstone
:hugs:


Thank you :hugs:
Try an integrate yourself into the lower year as well - I've got a friend who retook the year, so joined our year12 class last year, and he's fitted in really well. Now that all his friends have left for uni he still really enjoys being with our class - most people really respect him for what he's doing.

Hope things get better for you :smile:
Reply 9
Perhaps you could go to ure friends places at uni on some weekends, say perhaps every 3 weeks to different peoples? Also don't forget they will be coming home for christmas and easter for 4 weeks each time, and soon after that may/june comes and they will all be back home, then u can start thinking bout uni etc.
Most important thing is to study for the year, which you can do more so now and easily get the grades for the uni of your choice.
Reply 10
LS, I do try and chat with them but I always feel a bit like a spare part. It will ease probably.... *hopes*

Another thing which makes it hard is that college has expanded MASSIVELY. My original year was only 60 people and the year below me, of which I am part of now, is made up of 120 odd and the year below me now is also MASSIVE.

It's all very daunting.

P-I am going to stay with friends at uni, I can't wait :smile: At least I have something to look forward to :smile:
even i am in the same position as you. i have got a major operation at the start of oct to look forward to.. thats the only thing keeping me going..

i need to find some goals for next year too..

missin my friends too
Reply 12
Anonymous
even i am in the same position as you. i have got a major operation at the start of oct to look forward to.. thats the only thing keeping me going..

i need to find some goals for next year too..

missin my friends too


Good luck, I'm thinking of you :hugs: