Should I just lose my virginity to a random guy?

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Anonymous #1
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I used to think I wanted to wait until marriage for sex but now at 18 I know I'd just want a relationship where I respected the other person and they respected me and we were comfortable together. I've never, ever been in a situation close to this though so I'm still a virgin and it bothers me :/ I've never even kissed a guy because I never met anyone who I wanted to share that with.

Thing is I'm at uni now and my new friends are all having one-night-stands and most of our conversations revolve around funny/embarrassing experiences with them and I feel really left out of uni life because of it. Really I just want to get it over with and lose my virginity so I'm not so left out but I have no idea when I'll get into a relationship or anything so I have no idea when it will happen.

I've got a halloween party coming up though for one of the societies I'm in and we're all girls so the social sec said she's going to get an all-male society/club to have a joint party with us. All-male club mixing with an all-girls club, surely some of them are going to be up for or looking for a ons? Should I just go for it if I happen to hit it off with a guy?

Am I stupid for thinking I should just get it over with? I'm worried I'll go through uni a virgin and miss out on a lot of uni experiences because of it. That plus a lot of the sports teams/clubs I've joined are notorious for being dead incestuous so I'm going to be really left out.

I know this all sounds stupid but I'm just fed up tbh.
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username1230881
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mandydnadie
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Don't have sex just because you feel left out. It's a form of peer pressure. Trust me, you'll regret it.

For women, our virginity has always been blown out of proportion. Statements like "Why buy the cow when he can get the milk for free" and other such nonsense have been hammered into our brains from childhood.

The thing you should be asking yourself is are YOU ready. As a woman, are you ready for that stage of your life? Don't have sex because you're afraid of missing out. Definitely don't have sex for the first time with some random guy. Your first time is going to be vulnerable, insecure, and...new. Ask yourself: Do I really want to experience all of that with some guy I don't even know?

Not to mention if you have sex with a guy you don't know, regardless of whether it's your first time or not, you're risking STDs and other **** you just don't want to touch.

My best advice? It doesn't matter if you're in love with the guy. It doesn't matter if you want a relationship. The very best situation for your first time is to do it with someone you trust. Trust is key. You're trusting this person to not ruin your first time. You're trusting this person with your body.

You're only 18. It will happen for you. You don't want to rush these things. You're not behind. You're you, and that's perfectly fine.
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BarackObama
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I lost my virginity to a complete stranger and to be honest it simply doesn't matter. I had sex with him on a complete impulse about 5 hours after meeting him at a rave and it held no "sentimental value" for me at all. And it made me stop freaking out about sex and just seeing it for what it is - a thing that two people do when they're horny, lol, and basically it (I was super scared before because everyone kept telling me that sex was something Special that you had to save for people you truly love - it's great that this works for some people, I guess, but for me it just made me obsess about losing my virginity to the "wrong" person. I now realise that this was silly... but to each their own). No big deal. And also something that's AMAZING at times.

First times are not the stuff to remember. The BEST times are the ones you wanna be obsessing over. The first time I had sex, it was awkward and generally quite terrible and I would never EVER be a virgin again (if that was possible, somehow). I'm glad I lost it when I did and not a minute later.

Quite honestly I think first times/virginities are given way too much importance - that said, don't have sex just for the sake of having it. When you're super into someone and the thought comes into your mind, do it. See what happens. As the greatest minds of the 21st century have said, YOLO.
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noobynoo
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OMG I've never eaten pineapples before! I need to lose my pineapple-viginity before starting university or people might think I'm weird: "What, you've never eaten pineapples? Weirdo!" Maybe I should just get it over with and order a random pizza with pineapple toppings. I know people said your first taste of pineapples is supposed to be special but I just want to get it over with!

All my friends eat pineapples all the time!

There's an international food night coming up and for sure there will be pineapples there. I don't really like international food but I want to get rid of my pineapple-virginity so should I just order a gammon and pineapple and get it over with? I don't like gammon but at least I would have done it.

Or should I wait until I'm in a restaurant and I see that special dish with pineapples that I really love?

I don't know what to do!

This has been a satirical sketch courtesy of noobynoo.
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Zarek
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Stick out for a boyfriend you fancy the pants off. Seriously it's a much better idea..
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by doctorwhofan98)
I don't exactly have a lot of life experience but I think you'd end up regretting losing your virginity to a random guy that you'd never speak to again. While the value of it has no doubt diminished over time, surely it would be better to at least wait until you're in a loving relationship? As for worrying that you'll miss out on uni experiences, well, I don't know. Are hangovers and morning after regrets really all that's enjoyable about uni? I guess not. There may not be really exciting clubs for you to join, but if you did have a one night stand I very much doubt the whole university experience would become a lot better. You say you wanted to wait until marriage, and a one night stand is the complete other end of the spectrum - I say wait until you're at least in a relationship and don't rush your life away, but it's down to you.
Thanks.

(Original post by mandydnadie)
Don't have sex just because you feel left out. It's a form of peer pressure. Trust me, you'll regret it.

For women, our virginity has always been blown out of proportion. Statements like "Why buy the cow when he can get the milk for free" and other such nonsense have been hammered into our brains from childhood.

The thing you should be asking yourself is are YOU ready. As a woman, are you ready for that stage of your life? Don't have sex because you're afraid of missing out. Definitely don't have sex for the first time with some random guy. Your first time is going to be vulnerable, insecure, and...new. Ask yourself: Do I really want to experience all of that with some guy I don't even know?

Not to mention if you have sex with a guy you don't know, regardless of whether it's your first time or not, you're risking STDs and other **** you just don't want to touch.

My best advice? It doesn't matter if you're in love with the guy. It doesn't matter if you want a relationship. The very best situation for your first time is to do it with someone you trust. Trust is key. You're trusting this person to not ruin your first time. You're trusting this person with your body.

You're only 18. It will happen for you. You don't want to rush these things. You're not behind. You're you, and that's perfectly fine.
I feel like I am ready I've just not met someone to have a relationship with to reach that yet :/ I know, the STI/STD part is one of my main concerns with it. Thanks.

(Original post by BarackObama)
I lost my virginity to a complete stranger and to be honest it simply doesn't matter. I had sex with him on a complete impulse about 5 hours after meeting him at a rave and it held no "sentimental value" for me at all. And it made me stop freaking out about sex and just seeing it for what it is - a thing that two people do when they're horny, lol, and basically it (I was super scared before because everyone kept telling me that sex was something Special that you had to save for people you truly love - it's great that this works for some people, I guess, but for me it just made me obsess about losing my virginity to the "wrong" person. I now realise that this was silly... but to each their own). No big deal. And also something that's AMAZING at times.

First times are not the stuff to remember. The BEST times are the ones you wanna be obsessing over. The first time I had sex, it was awkward and generally quite terrible and I would never EVER be a virgin again (if that was possible, somehow). I'm glad I lost it when I did and not a minute later.

Quite honestly I think first times/virginities are given way too much importance - that said, don't have sex just for the sake of having it. When you're super into someone and the thought comes into your mind, do it. See what happens. As the greatest minds of the 21st century have said, YOLO.
Thanks. Were you bothered about the STI/STD stuff? Or did you just risk it? Regret it?

(Original post by noobynoo)
OMG I've never eaten pineapples before! I need to lose my pineapple-viginity before starting university or people might think I'm weird: "What, you've never eaten pineapples? Weirdo!" Maybe I should just get it over with and order a random pizza with pineapple toppings. I know people said your first taste of pineapples is supposed to be special but I just want to get it over with!

All my friends eat pineapples all the time!

There's an international food night coming up and for sure there will be pineapples there. I don't really like international food but I want to get rid of my pineapple-virginity so should I just order a gammon and pineapple and get it over with? I don't like gammon but at least I would have done it.

Or should I wait until I'm in a restaurant and I see that special dish with pineapples that I really love?

I don't know what to do!

This has been a satirical sketch courtesy of noobynoo.
Lmfao I'm actually the type who would go for the gammon&pineapple just to try it before getting the chance to get the nice dish in case the pineapples are a shock... get what you're trying to say though, thanks.

(Original post by Zarek)
Stick out for a boyfriend you fancy the pants off. Seriously it's a much better idea..
I'm just worried I won't meet anyone in uni.

(Original post by Hydroxy)
The first time you have sex is always ****. It'll be awkward, uncomfortable and painful and it'll get messy if your thingy is still intact.

But the one to stress the most is awkwardness. I'm a guy, but I'd imagine it's a pretty big shock to the system having a naked bloke you've never met before naked and ontop of you jabbing your insides with his wang and it's the first time you've ever experienced anything like it. How could you possibly enjoy it ?

I agree with the poster above who said about trust. You don't need to love anyone to have sex with them and you don't need to be in a relationship but you need to be comfortable with that person and trust them.

I think if you do it with a complete stranger you'll regret it, at the very least do it with a friend in a similar situation or someone you know and trust from your past.
Thanks, I'm not really close enough to any of my guy-friends :/
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mandydnadie
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This may be a bit random, but have you ever tried chasing butterflies? Ladybugs? As a child growing up in the country, it's all I ever did. But it was only when I stopped chasing them, did they come to me. Turns out, I scared them with my antics.

Stop worrying about meeting someone. You will. It's not something you can force. It just happens.
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chrlsmth
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I used to think I wanted to wait until marriage for sex but now at 18 I know I'd just want a relationship where I respected the other person and they respected me and we were comfortable together. I've never, ever been in a situation close to this though so I'm still a virgin and it bothers me :/ I've never even kissed a guy because I never met anyone who I wanted to share that with.

Thing is I'm at uni now and my new friends are all having one-night-stands and most of our conversations revolve around funny/embarrassing experiences with them and I feel really left out of uni life because of it. Really I just want to get it over with and lose my virginity so I'm not so left out but I have no idea when I'll get into a relationship or anything so I have no idea when it will happen.

I've got a halloween party coming up though for one of the societies I'm in and we're all girls so the social sec said she's going to get an all-male society/club to have a joint party with us. All-male club mixing with an all-girls club, surely some of them are going to be up for or looking for a ons? Should I just go for it if I happen to hit it off with a guy?

Am I stupid for thinking I should just get it over with? I'm worried I'll go through uni a virgin and miss out on a lot of uni experiences because of it. That plus a lot of the sports teams/clubs I've joined are notorious for being dead incestuous so I'm going to be really left out.

I know this all sounds stupid but I'm just fed up tbh.
You shouldn't feel like you need to lose your virginity because of your age, or because you're at university with people who already have. Everyone loses it at different times, some when they are young, some when they are older than you so I wouldn't let your age or everyone's experience level bother you.

At the end of the day though, it's down to you what you do so if you think that you want to go ahead and have a one night stand to lose your virginity then go for it, if you feel like you'd rather wait till you've got yourself into a relationship, which will happen, and lose it that way then do that. It isn't a competition and no-one is going to judge you because of it, if they do then they aren't worth your time. It might feel like you'll never meet anyone but you're only 18, you've got years ahead of you and who knows what the future holds? You could meet someone tomorrow! Just make sure you really think about it and make the right decision for yourself.
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username163729
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Well, losing your virginity for the sake of being able to share some funnies with the girls is probably not the best reason for losing your virginity... It's not a popularity contest afterall and any decent human being should be able to respect your right to be a virgin.

It does sounds like you just want to get the experience over and done with and see what the big deal is and I can understand that. Personally i'd go for it, you're at uni and you're allowed to go experience things as much as anyone else. Frankly, your first time is going to be underwhelming regardless of who it ends up being with. Chances are, it's going to be more rubbish with a random person than if it's with someone that actually cares about you though.

Think you should really factor that into your consideration, but it'll hardly matter how your first experience was by like the 10th time you've had sex.
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Anonymous #2
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Only have sex if you feel like you are ready too. I'm sure it sucks to feel like you're the only one who hasn't, but if you haven't found someone you want to do something that intimate with, then don't feel like you have to do it just so you can be like everyone else.

If you feel like you're ready to have sex then go for it, but if you're unsure then don't force yourself into doing something you're not comfortable doing.

This is something you need to sit down and think about. Forget about what other people think and say, and just think about you. Are you ready to have sex? Do you feel comfortable with the idea of having sex? Especially with someone you don't know? If you've never even met a guy who you've wanted to kiss, are you really going to randomly meet a guy who you (genuinely) want to have sex with?

It's your choice as to what you do, but personally if I was in your situation I would wait until I was in a relationship with someone I trusted and cared for and felt comfortable enough with to loose my virginity to.

There's a lot more to uni than sex, so while you might feel like you're missing out on somethings, there are so many other things to do (and they don't put you at risk of STIs and pregnancy either!)

Just remember that different people become ready at different times to do things like have their first kiss and lose their virginity. There is nothing wrong with not being ready yet.

Also, if you haven't had your first kiss yet, maybe you need to try and take it slower? Don't force yourself to go all the way in one night with no previous experience, just take baby steps :P

Another thing to remember is that virginity doesn't really mean all that much. It is an ancient concept created by men in ancient societies when women had to stay 'pure' (a virgin) until they married, so if the label virgin is affecting your decision, try to remember that it has very little value in todays society.
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Zarek
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks.


I feel like I am ready I've just not met someone to have a relationship with to reach that yet :/ I know, the STI/STD part is one of my main concerns with it. Thanks.


Thanks. Were you bothered about the STI/STD stuff? Or did you just risk it? Regret it?


Lmfao I'm actually the type who would go for the gammon&pineapple just to try it before getting the chance to get the nice dish in case the pineapples are a shock... get what you're trying to say though, thanks.


I'm just worried I won't meet anyone in uni.


Thanks, I'm not really close enough to any of my guy-friends :/
Dating is about patience and tenacity. All comes to those who persist. Plus I think it is a mite easier for girls.
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Huskaris
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Yes. Give all guys a ticket on TSR a raffle ticket for a fiver. Use resultant funds to buy Riku a flashlight.
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e aí rapaz
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Really, you should have enough self-esteem to be okay with being different to some of your friends in certain regards. If you don't, I would work on that foremost.

As for losing your virginity to some random, how would that even help? When your friends are talking about sex/one night stands, you'll be able to be like "yeah lmao one time at halloween I slept with this guy lol". And then the next time they're talking about sex/one night stands, what are you gonna say? "Yeah haha one time at halloween I slept with this guy lol".

And the next time?

And the next?

It's not very practical is it.
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chocolatesauce
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Just remember you can never get your virginity back, you can't undo sex so make your first time special not to some random guy whose probably half drunk and don't give into peer pressure.
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Anonymous #3
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I had a ONS with a random guy just before I went to uni as I didn't want to go as a virgin. It was OK and I can't say it affected me badly or anything like that, but I met my long-term boyfriend about a month later. It would have been nice to have lost my virginity to him. I'd say if you really want to experience sex then go for it, but if it's just because you don't want to be a virgin any more, I don't think it's worth it.
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Elf.
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I used to think I wanted to wait until marriage for sex but now at 18 I know I'd just want a relationship where I respected the other person and they respected me and we were comfortable together. I've never, ever been in a situation close to this though so I'm still a virgin and it bothers me :/ I've never even kissed a guy because I never met anyone who I wanted to share that with.

Thing is I'm at uni now and my new friends are all having one-night-stands and most of our conversations revolve around funny/embarrassing experiences with them and I feel really left out of uni life because of it. Really I just want to get it over with and lose my virginity so I'm not so left out but I have no idea when I'll get into a relationship or anything so I have no idea when it will happen.

I've got a halloween party coming up though for one of the societies I'm in and we're all girls so the social sec said she's going to get an all-male society/club to have a joint party with us. All-male club mixing with an all-girls club, surely some of them are going to be up for or looking for a ons? Should I just go for it if I happen to hit it off with a guy?

Am I stupid for thinking I should just get it over with? I'm worried I'll go through uni a virgin and miss out on a lot of uni experiences because of it. That plus a lot of the sports teams/clubs I've joined are notorious for being dead incestuous so I'm going to be really left out.

I know this all sounds stupid but I'm just fed up tbh.
If you want to, go for it.

In all seriousness though, I lost mine to someone I was in love with and they were in love with me. I can't imagine it being better than that - someone you are comfortable with and who wants to make it a great experience for you.

Instead of a guy who is just thinking of himself as I would've thought would be the case with a random fling, especially as I don't know if you would tell him or not if its your first time?!

First time can hurt too if you're tensed up, better for you to be totally relaxed and with someone who cares about you as you may feel like a bit used the next day - it CAN be an emotional experience from the girl's perspective in my experience.

However, if you feel you are emotionally ready, random flings can be fun. However I would recommend NOT doing it JUST because you feel everyone else is - respect yourself and do what feels right to YOU
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yuhn3
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(Original post by BarackObama)
I lost my virginity to a complete stranger and to be honest it simply doesn't matter. I had sex with him on a complete impulse about 5 hours after meeting him at a rave and it held no "sentimental value" for me at all. And it made me stop freaking out about sex and just seeing it for what it is - a thing that two people do when they're horny, lol, and basically it (I was super scared before because everyone kept telling me that sex was something Special that you had to save for people you truly love - it's great that this works for some people, I guess, but for me it just made me obsess about losing my virginity to the "wrong" person. I now realise that this was silly... but to each their own). No big deal. And also something that's AMAZING at times.

First times are not the stuff to remember. The BEST times are the ones you wanna be obsessing over. The first time I had sex, it was awkward and generally quite terrible and I would never EVER be a virgin again (if that was possible, somehow). I'm glad I lost it when I did and not a minute later.

Quite honestly I think first times/virginities are given way too much importance - that said, don't have sex just for the sake of having it. When you're super into someone and the thought comes into your mind, do it. See what happens. As the greatest minds of the 21st century have said, YOLO.
I think that putting so much importance on being a virgin and having sex for the first time just adds pressure... I mean, the whole virginity thing is just a concept made up by men anyway, it hardly makes sense. Nothing's lost and nothing's exactly gained either, apart from the experience. It's just the start of being sexually active.

Anyway, OP do what you personally feel is right. If there's a guy, at the party, you feel attracted then go with the flow. You don't have to go out of your way to make sure anything happens, but then if you want to do that, go ahead! Just really think about it and if you come to the conclusion that you would rather have sex for the first time with someone you know and you're comfortable with, then try to go to this party and find someone - not to necessarily hook up with though. But hey, as I said earlier, if you come across someone there and you can sense it's going to end in sex and you are completely comfortable with it, and he is completely up for it, then do it! Obviously just remember to be safe!
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Bobbi!
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I think if you've never even kissed a guy before... perhaps you should kiss a guy at the party. This might help you to feel less pressure? But should you lose your virginity on the same night you have your first kiss!?!? NO!! You may want to be in a relationship or not when you have sex for the first time, but I'd definitely say you should build up to it...
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trustmeimlying1
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(Original post by mandydnadie)
Don't have sex just because you feel left out. It's a form of peer pressure. Trust me, you'll regret it.

For women, our virginity has always been blown out of proportion. Statements like "Why buy the cow when he can get the milk for free" and other such nonsense have been hammered into our brains from childhood.

The thing you should be asking yourself is are YOU ready. As a woman, are you ready for that stage of your life? Don't have sex because you're afraid of missing out. Definitely don't have sex for the first time with some random guy. Your first time is going to be vulnerable, insecure, and...new. Ask yourself: Do I really want to experience all of that with some guy I don't even know?

Not to mention if you have sex with a guy you don't know, regardless of whether it's your first time or not, you're risking STDs and other **** you just don't want to touch.

My best advice? It doesn't matter if you're in love with the guy. It doesn't matter if you want a relationship. The very best situation for your first time is to do it with someone you trust. Trust is key. You're trusting this person to not ruin your first time. You're trusting this person with your body.

You're only 18. It will happen for you. You don't want to rush these things. You're not behind. You're you, and that's perfectly fine.
Put down the iron samantha

were having sex tonight!
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