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if your in a relationship- do you ever think about marriage/engagement

i personally dont

but today i was talking to my boyfriend(been going out for 11 months) and i told him i wanted to tell him something and he said please dont talk about marriage
and as a form of self defense i told him no no i wont decide upon marriage untill a very long time.

i dont know why that comment really hurt me :frown:

. but i cant stop thinking about what he means by this now, does it mean after uni its goodbye for us?

Reply 1

Xx Tomásíona - Mháire xX

14

Anonymous

i personally dont

but today i was talking to my boyfriend(been going out for 11 months) and i told him i wanted to tell him something and he said please dont talk about marriage
and as a form of self defense i told him no no i wont decide upon marriage untill a very long time.

i dont know why that comment really hurt me :frown:

. but i cant stop thinking about what he means by this now, does it mean after uni its goodbye for us?

The reason it hurt you is because you want to have a future with your boyfriend but he doesn't want to look to the future just in case it could hurt him as well especially if you both broke up. Looking towards the future that far could just make things messy

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

ur hurt because you think he rejected ur offer of a chance of marriage in the near future. But in fact, hes young and free and doesnt want to get tied down, which is why he reacted like that. It doesnt mean he doesnt want to marry you. It doesnt mean anything tbh.

Reply 3

generalebriety

16

He doesn't want to get married. Does that really affect your relationship? I mean, you just admitted you didn't want to get married either. You don't love him any less.

Reply 4

ItsJustMe

He probably just thought of the scariest possibility and wanted to defend himself before you even got started. He doesn't want to think about marriage right now, so he was hoping you didn't either. It doesn't necessarily mean that you're over after school....just that right now, he's not ready to discuss it any more than you are.

Reply 5

dutch_stud

I talk to my gf about poligamy only, I wont settle for less than 6 women.

Reply 6

username47781

20

Obviously thinking about marriage is fine but talking about getting married after 11 months is quite early in my opinion.

Reply 7

Anonymous #2

thanks for your replies

yeh i think i was upset that he used it as a form of defense, when i wasnt even going to ask him anything relating to marriage anyway. but i can see where he is going :frown:

Reply 8

pumpkin7

13

i don't think that he doesn't want to get married, but maybe it is a little soon for him to be thinking about it. some people are together years before marriage is even mentioned.
now, my boyfriend and i have been together almost 2 years now, and i mean, we were talking about marriage 7 months in, easily. we just know that it feels right together and we want to be with each other together. we are always talking about our future plans and how we will move in together as soon as i have a stable job and he moves out the halls at uni.. etc.
i think this either means that me and my boyfriend just happen to be lucky, or that he isn't the right person for you, or that it's just too early for him to be thinking about it. you are only young after all.

Reply 9

Anonymous #3

I feel like I'm with the person I want to marry, even though we've only been together a year (we're 20). We haven't actually said it outright but he's said stuff like 'we're going to be such a cool old couple' and 'we can tell this to our grandchildren' so I assume he feels the same way as I do! I do feel that it's a scary subject though, which is why I've never brought it up directly.

Reply 10

lilac!!

15

well not really, i havnt thought much about marrage but to tell u the truth i wouldnt think nothing of it, i mean my bf always says things like that to me :smile:

i think its what they think girls think, if that makes since lool

dont take it to the heart! i mean if you start thinking about a breakuo now then it could effect your relationship, take it in one ear and out the other! :smile:

i dout he ment anything like that!

Reply 11

pumpkin7

13

if you feel you are going to be with this person the rest of your life, then i'm sure you shouldn't be scared to bring the subject up?

Reply 12

silverbolt

19

Anonymous

thanks for your replies

yeh i think i was upset that he used it as a form of defense, when i wasnt even going to ask him anything relating to marriage anyway. but i can see where he is going :frown:

my gf has learned that i will not ever get married and i will not ever have kids, thats simply they way i am,
i think mentioning marriage to guys even in a serious relationship is enough to ahve running or hills. you dont say how old you are, if your only 15,16,17 its hardly a surprise he was so defensive about it

Reply 13

Whizz

1

Don't take it personally. He probably didn't mean anything by it. Just a defence mechanism should things not turn out right.

Personally, i don't talk about marriage with my boyfriend. It's just too much pressure.

Reply 14

ciara

13

i think it just depends on the couple. i quite often chat to my boyfriend about our future wedding or how many children we're going to have. we're not engaged or anything, we might never be, but when i'm with someone and in love with them i find it hard to envisage a future without them, so my thoughts about the future will always be my life with them in it. my boyfriend realises i have no desire to get married at the moment, and i realise there is a chance we will break up, but we both feel the same right now so i don't see any harm in talking about it...it's not like i'm clutching the contract for him to sign saying it must happen!

your bloke just seems to be doing the 'typical' laddish thing of "aaaa don't talk about marriage, i'm far too young to possibly imagine depriving womankind of my sexy self". however, he could well have just been joking, and saying it meaning "don't get all serious and talk about marriage". if my boyfriend said that to me i certainly wouldn't take it as "i don't ever want to marry you, eugh, shutup!!". only you know your boyfriend though, but if you do think that's what he meant then...why are you with him?

Reply 15

Anonymous #4

All the time. :redface:

Reply 16

Ronove

18

I think about it sometimes, but only in the form of NIGHTMARES.
I can't see myself wanting to get married in the future, unless it was really important to the person I was with, in which case I would consider it. I don't like the whole wife image at all and anyone who assumed I'd magically start cooking and cleaning more than beforehand, or changing at all really, would definitely NOT be getting an "I do" out of me! :p:

I don't really have a good view of marriage though, probably due to the fact that my dad has been married (and divorced) 3 times now, and my mum has been married...erm...4 times I think. :eek3:

Reply 17

WokSz

17

It's a bit early I think and maybe he doesn't want to think about marriage just yet.

Reply 18

Rusty33

I've been in your position before. Horrible position to be in. Just do your best to let it go. Young people, guys especially, are like that, but they will change. When? Who knows. But, you have to let it go.

Reply 19

IndianDiva

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years now (I'm 21), and we discuss it quite often, and its often brought up in general conversion.

We used to talk about it a few weeks into our relationship, the only difference between then and now is that we are far more serious about it now then we were when we first got together.

From the context he said it in, I don't think it means anything. I just think he didn't want to have such a 'deep' conversation with you, maybe he thought you've assumed you're together for the rest of your lives whereas he wants to take things as they come.

My ex often tried to talk about marriage, usually in a jokey manner, but I never discussed it with him, cos I was too young at that point, and to be honest I didn't know where our relationship would lead.

The reason for what he said could swing in any direction, and its really not worth getting hung up over. Just take it as it comes and don't let it affect your relationship with him.

if your in a relationship- do you ever think about marriage/engagement

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