The Student Room Group

Dilema, regarding cheating

Ok. Basically I dont want to go into too much detail. But I have been going out with my b/f for over a year now. However, I got together with him not long after another serious relationship, and if truth be told I was still sleeping with my ex when I started seeing my current b/f. I don't see this ex anymore, and i think its worth saying when me and my current b/f got together, we didn't see it as anything serious, or long term, and when it happend id only known him a couple of months. I forgot about it for ages but have been thinking about it a lot recently.I'm about to go off to a different uni to my b/f and i've started wondering if I should tell him about it.

I feel I have two options, tell him now, even though I am quite scared it might mean the end of our relationship. Or not tell him, and forget about it, on the basis I no longer have any feelings whatsoever for this ex, and it would just cause more pain and heartache.

I would really like to know what anyone else would do. How do you think you would react if you found out something like this. And just generally any thoughts.

Thankyou xxx (sorry its long)
Reply 1
How long were you sleeping with the ex after you and your boyfriend got together?
Reply 2
Don't tell him, there's no point.

There's no reason for him to worry, and this would always play on his mind, especially with you going to uni.

He wouldn't trust you anymore.

Don't tell him.
Reply 3
It's in the past, so why drag it up again?? Just leave it and if he finds out, then he finds out, but why would he??
If you told him he would start to worry about what you may do at uni and may become jealous. He wouldn't be able to trust you as you have been keeping the secret from him for so long! Best not to tell him and forget about it!
Depends how annoying your conscience is. Some people have a pragmatic conscience, and this you can just smile that you got away with it. If you really listen to your conscience, and you dont like who you are(well, were), you should tell him.
Reply 6
You should leave it - why spoil what you've already got because of a mistake early on?
your conscience is probably playing quite badly on your mind and i can tell youre an honest person deep down who doesnt like secrets. however, seeing as you forgot about it for ages, it shows you obviously like your current boyfriend a lot and he means more to u than what happened. dont tell him. in a way it is quite selfish to lift the burden off ur shoulders by telling him! especially as it is so in the past, and he would see it much worse than you do. i think you would break up and regret it or if he didnt break up with u, the relationship wud never be the same, he wouldnt see u as the same person and it would go down hill. dont feel bad, its not like you really cheated on the person you know now! you made a mistake, deal with it and get over it, and take each day as it comes.
Reply 8
I would not tell him tbh. Its not worht the pain and the timing is bad due to uni coming.

Do what you think would be best for you two.
Put it this way as people have pointed out you will destroy his trust if you told him.
Reply 10
You should be honest before he finds out from someone else. Either way, you're going to break his heart.
Reply 11
it doesnt sound to me like you did anything particularly bad if you say you and current bf didnt get serious until after you stopped shagging your ex?

if this is your case you dont have much to feel guilty about and shouldnt really need to tell current bf
Reply 12
if you dont tell him, is he likely to find out sooner or later? i mean, do other people know about this that could possibly tell him?

i woudlnt tell him. if you're not the kind of person to cheat on him again, then theres no point. its gona be hard enough for you being at different universities, without having all this brought up. it would make it hell for him cos he woudlnt be able to trust you anymore.
Reply 13
Telling him is a way to salve your own conscience. You may think you're doing it to be fair to him - but in fact it will cause him nothing but hurt. This is something which is very much in the past, right? You have no intention of ever cheating on him again. But if you bring it up now, he'll start to wonder why you felt the need to tell him. This is, I think, one of those things where the fitting punishment for the crime is that you have to bear the guilt of it.
Reply 14
Ironically, in this instance, telling him would be the most selfish recourse.
Reply 15
What people don't know won't hurt them. Maybe your not bothered about his feelings as you were unsure about him at the beginning of the relationship. If you tell him, he may start to mess around while your at uni. It will just open a can of worms otherwise.
DON'T TELL HIM!

Telling him will just break the bonds and trust you have with him for something that happened ages ago, it's pointless bringing it up. Like you said it will just cause more pain and heartache. Yes it will play on your conscience but it will go in time. Besides telling him will hurt both of you, so where's the good in it?! xxx
Reply 17
Thankyou everyone. I think I agree that the best idea is not to tell him, or at least leave it for now. The only other person who knows is my ex, they're not friends, however do share friends, so do see each other. However, I don't think my ex would tell him maliciously, just slightly scared he'd get drunk, and say something without realising what it might mean. However, if that happens it happens, and I'll just have to explain to my boyfriend why I didn't tell him.