Flat mates - Feeling out of place.

I've been with my flat mates now for just under two weeks. They're nice enough people enjoy talking to them, but they just don't seem to be that interested in my hobbies ect. I'm no blaming them of course, but with all 5 of them in the kind of Holly Oaks, binge drinking, get tarted up kinda people, I just feel really out of place and don't know what to do.

I know I should go out and meet new people, but without another person to go with just for confidence really I'm not really that good at meeting people in the first place.

Any ideas, this is really getting me down. I just want things like lectures and work to start, believe it or not, to give me something to do!

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Reply 1

OC_girl

I didn't fit in with the housemates that i chose to live with in a private accommodation house in the 2nd and 3rd year of uni.

They were nice enough but really really different to me. They got excited about staying in and having a glass of wine and watching 'friends'. They would always moan about how fat they were whilst eating ice cream that kind of thing. no reason to hate them, and i didn't, but i did feel excluded but i had loads of other friends anyway.

Reply 2

lasttoiletroll

just try and be as matey as u can with them until lectures start, some people will be best buds with their housemates and some will just be on friendly terms. You sound like you'll find it easy enough to make friends with course people. In the mean time try and join societies. Or go and introduce yourself to your neighbours. Just try and be positive about it, my friend had absolutely nothing in common with her flatmates, didnt get on with them and wasnt enjoying herself at all at first, but found mates on her course and in societies, and now gets on with her flatmates too. You'll be fine once uni gets going

Reply 3

Llama Face!

my suggestion would be keep at it for a while (agree with the person who said make friends on your course). But i think it's quite a weird situation for everyone, and although you may be really different, you might just suddenly find one thing and click. or you might decide you actually like some of the things they do. whatever happens, take every opportunity/house party/course event to make new friends cause there are many, many people at uni, at someone has got to be like you

unless you're really weird :smile:

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

I would feel out of place if my mates were flat...

Reply 5

The_Bear

I would so give you rep if you werent anon

Reply 6

Monoxide

Can't stand stupid spelling errors. Go on then...

Reply 7

fez

drink loads, then youll soon get your confidence up /

Reply 8

Anonymous #3

go out with ur flat m8s and meet new ppl thru them

Reply 9

Lucy_88

fez

drink loads, then youll soon get your confidence up /

Yes always works for me

Reply 10

Anonymous #4

i feel exactly the same as you OP. I have talked to my hall mates a bit, but they are all band/music nerds, and i have little in common with them. Most of the time im in my room, and havent really met anyone who id regard as a real friend. :frown:

Reply 11

vickyrkenya

In my first term i got put in a flat with a load of 'jocks', is the best way i can describe them. There was me and one other girl (+ 4 guys), who I had nothing in common with although she was perfectly nice. I sussed within the first day or so when they started drinking at 2pm that they weren't really going to be my kind of people, so popped downstairs to say hi to a couple of people who i briefly met earlier, who happened to be on my course. At Christmas, i moved into their flat and the rest is history really as they say! A year later, im moving in with them, another girl from my course who I met on a 'cinema trip' of all things in freshers week, one of her flatmates and a girl not on my course who was in the flat i moved into. Only really got to know her properly in terms 2 + 3, but I would probably consider her my best friend at university. Anyway, im confusedly waffling...i wanted to exemplify that you find friends in tons of different places at uni...here...

Housemates next year (and very important friends) (can't be arsed to type out everyones names-plus its completely pointless, since nobody but me knows them! so ill just put the first letter)

P - Coursemate and Ex-flatmate
K - Coursemate and Ex-flatmate
L - Coursemate
R - Ex-Flatmate
J - Ex-Flatmate of L

Other friends

C, K, A, A, K, S, H - Coursemates
N, S, J, D - Badminton Club
S - Football Club
J - Mandarin lessons!
C - Coursemate and trip to Edinburgh!
J - Ex-Flatmate
E, A, A, M, E, P - Generally people who ive been introduced to by other people and become friends with!
S, P, M, A - Other flats in same block in Halls

So yes, you find friends at uni in the most random situations, do not worry, I only got to know quite a few of those people in last term! I really really need to go back now...thinking about my friends is making me really miss them!

Reply 12

best75

Your flat mates are going to be with you for a year, so it's best if you still speak to them every now and then, and just go out with them so you won't be on your own. That way you'll meet their friends who you might be interested in, and so on.

Reply 13

Barny

I know its abit cliche and everyone says it, but join a club. I had more mates from rowing + meeting rowing mates friends than I did from meeting people in halls..

Reply 14

CelenaGaia

This is the kind of scenario I'm dreading at Uni.....I'm 21 and in halls, probably be with younger students again (missed 3years after GCSE's, so took A levels with 16/17 year olds.........that's fine when you're that age, but you'd be amazed at the difference 3 years can make. I'm no way dissing this age group, just I miss people my own age, but they're all actually FINISHING uni now!!) I'm not into drinking/partying, but then never have been, and was really lonely doing A levels coz that's all my peers wanted to do. I hated working in groups with them, coz ended up doing all the work while they pratted around. God I hope people at Uni are more applied to their work, even just a little bit, or I'm gonna be so bored. I'm looking forward to having some interesting debates in lectures....but concerning flatmates, I can just see that I'm gonna be classified as the Boring Older Moron. That doesn't bother me - I accept I'm a workaholic and not much fun (anorexic perfectionist too, can't get more un-amusing than that really) but I refuse to conform to please others either. So I won't be going out drinking/clubbing just to be fitting in with flatmates. My advice to you, OP, is just be yourself and stick up for your interests, or you just end up losing your sense of self and getting really depressed. You just end up a chameleon, and when people find this out, they lose all respect for you. It's like the girl who pretends to like Coldplay to impress the guy she likes, then he finds out she don't know the words to "Fix You" when he invites her to sing along with him.

Reply 15

Barny

There'll be plenty of people like you Celena, you'll be surprised how many people aren't into getting hammered all the time and dossing about in lecs and stuff.

Reply 16

she

There was a 55 taking a -levels with me, and there is a 30 year old and 60 year old on my course, and one of my housemates is 20, so no worries!

Reply 17

Mr.God

Yeah, quite a few people on my course are a fair bit older. I was in the same position when I started my degree (having had 3 years out) and I didn't find it made much of a difference.

Then again, I had my friends who I've been best mates with for years nearby, so I wasn't really looking to make new friends anyway, although I still did.

Reply 18

Anonymous #5

I had the exact same problem as the OP - I'm posting as anon cos I know some of my ex flatmates use this forum. Over the year I gradually drifted further and further away from them as I found other friends, and now I'm gonna be living with a bunch of girls and guys I actually have something in common with. My flatmates were exactly as u describe - they LOVED getting tarted up to go out, they LOVED having loud parties and going clubbing, every evening was spent either watching Hollyoaks or Neighbours or both.... And although I do like going out and having a good time, I draw the line at 5 times a week...

Reply 19

rosetinted

I don't think anyone expects the random people that you have been chosen to live with in your first year will end up being your best mates. Yes you can sometimes end up very friendly with them, but the people you live with are a teeny piece of the uni experience. Stay friendly with them or god knows you'll make life difficult for yourself..but there is no need to pretend to be into what they like. They should understand that you aren't interested in the same things as them. Also I imagine that once term starts their behaviour will change a bit. Remember they have probably all just moved away from home for the first time and will be revelling in their independance. They will most likely settle down a bit in the coming weeks.

You're much more likely to have things in common with people on your course, people in societies you like and people at club nights which are your sort of music scene. In the first couple of weeks housemates often want to stick together, simply because they like having someone to hang out with. Once lectures have started and everyone feels a bit settled you'll all start looking elsewhere for friends. Join clubs and societies, do the activities you want to do and you'll meet people.

CelenaGaia - I'm 21 & living with 18 year olds and we've been getting along great. Age doesn't define how people behave. Living in halls you might get more of the rowdy drinking crowd, but you'll also get lots of other people who aren't into that. I will say though that while it is great to be individual, but that doesn't mean you have to be unfriendly. If you go in the with the me against them attitude that I interpreted from your post you might alienate people who you actually could get along well with. It's all very well to do your own thing, I do and my housemates don't expect me to want to do everything the same as them. Going to the pub once in a while with your flatmates doesn't mean you lose your individuality, just that you are making an effort to be sociable. A big part of university is to try new experiences. Going to the pub isn't about getting trashed, it's about being friendly.

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