Homosexuality and uni roommates

This week we have our freshers fair and our flatmates are all going to head down together. I am unsure of my sexuality and I really want to check out the LGBT committee. However, the roommates I am going with keep saying how relieved they are that they aren't living with a gay guy as they don't know how to act around them. How can I approach the committee without making my flatmates uncomfortable around me at a time when i need to get to know them?

Reply 1

Little Girl Red

1

Sneak off and go to the stand on your own!! I wouldn't tell your flatmates at first, as you will simply alienate them (and, as you say, you're not entirely sure of your sexuality yet, so it's not really lying). Get on with them and have a laugh. Then, when you've found out where the LGBT stand is, tell them that you need the toilet, and instead of going to the loos, sneak off to the stand. That way, you can sign up and get some info, meet other people and find out whether you are gay/bi/straight, without introducing a rift between you and your housemates which needn't be there.
Then, after some time, and when you know your housemates a bit more, if you decide that you're gay, you can let them know. But at that point, you will have a friendship which will withstand any prejudices that they have - they already know how to act around you!

Reply 2

notts

that is ridiculous.
it sounds like your flatmates wouldnt accept you if you came out.
cant u go to LGBT without telling them?

one of my flatmates is gay, and i often use the term "gay" to mean bad, i remember when he told me he was gay (3 weeks into term)
it was like
"finlay, im gay. do you mind?"
"haha, no of course not. why would i mind"

he thought because i used the term gay to mean bad i was homophobic, but it is just a bad habit i picked up which i managed to stop when he told me he was gay.

i had never really known any gay guys, hadnt had any gay friends, so i "wouldnt know how to act around them" either, but we are really good friends. his sexuality just isnt really an issue.

with these guys saying "i dont know how to act around them" sounds like they havent known any gay people either, and think that just because someone is gay it automatically means they fancy all boys.

sorry, incoherent :s-smilie:

Reply 3

Zoecb

11

I don't think so. I don't think your room-mates are homophobic, just a bit unused to the idea. Check things out at the LGBT place. If at a later stage you decide you are gay and tell your room mates, I'm sure they'd be fine with it. A bit surprised maybe. But having gotten to know you, they'd realise that gay guys aren't anyone they should act any differently around. You've got a chance to educate them, really.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

Thanks for your advice :smile:

! I definitely think I'll try the sneaky off tactic when I go - just to be on the safe side.

notts - i get what you mean. They seemed to think all gay guys fancy all straight guys from the way they were talking!

Reply 5

notts

Anonymous

Thanks for your advice :smile:

! I definitely think I'll try the sneaky off tactic when I go - just to be on the safe side.

notts - i get what you mean. They seemed to think all gay guys fancy all straight guys from the way they were talking!

i dont really see how it would come up in conversation. i would have never thought to say "thank god i dont live with any gays" when we moved into the house... just sounds bizarre.
they sound a bit immature, as zoecp said you have a chance to educate them.

another piece of advice, if they catch u at the LGBT stand, u could always say u were joining to find out who the lesbians were... hehe.

Reply 6

Tennessee

There is normally always a way to join, and to check out the society without going to the stand at freshers fayre. research them on the societies page of your union, and you should be able to contact a committee member, who could meet you in private somewhere and talk to you about it. That would solve any need for you to sneak off from your flatmates and risk being spotted when your not ready :smile:

If you PM me what uni your going to, i could check it out for you, i've been pretty ace at this kind of thing recently lol

Reply 7

Anonymous #2

i'm in the same boat, i don't want to "come out" to my flatmates straight away incase i alienate them but i don't want to have to constantly portray myself as being straight cos its just tiring and fake. my advice would just be to join the LGBT because its something you want but dont go out of your way to avoid your flatmates knowing about it, you'll just end up feeling like you're living a double life and it is very stressful (believe me!) good luck with the situation anyway

Reply 8

Figaro123

It's your roomates' problem, not yours. Point out how they wouldn't mind if you were of the opposite sex but just very, very ugly! (well, actually, they might mind. Ahem) If they're not willing to accept you as you are then they are not worth your attention. You can always move.

Reply 9

Anonymous #3

It only gets a bit dodgy is you start fancying one of them. That could make the person uncomfortable. Apart from that I don't see why there should be a problem; if they're decent people you should be able to tell them now, and tell them you are unsure and hopefully they'll be understanding.

Reply 10

Figaro123

There's no reason why you should tell them if you do start fancying one. If they're not gay then little will come of it anyway, if they are then they're not likely to mind!

Reply 11

Anonymous #3

It might make things a bit dodgy though, think if it was a guy fancying a girl and the feelings weren't reciprocated; it makes the girl feel uneasy usually.

Reply 12

Figaro123

That's why you excersise *discretion*. If they're not gay, don't tell them. If they are, then maybe it would be a problem but as you point out, nothing that might not happen if you were a girl. I'm assuming you're a guy.

Reply 13

_:_Emo_Cheerleader_:_

1

Same for me. I'm curious as to what my local Legbite committee would be like, but none of my flatmates know yet and my best flatmate's a Catholic, so I'd feel a bit dodgy telling her about which way I potentially swing.

Still, she knows I'm an Aspie, so that's a start....

P.S. What's the Liverpool scene like? How can I find out about it other than Legbite committee?

Reply 14

Tennessee

selbydate16

Same for me. I'm curious as to what my local Legbite committee would be like, but none of my flatmates know yet and my best flatmate's a Catholic, so I'd feel a bit dodgy telling her about which way I potentially swing.

Still, she knows I'm an Aspie, so that's a start....

P.S. What's the Liverpool scene like? How can I find out about it other than Legbite committee?

Which uni are you going to? In terms of the actual scene -

http://www.l-s-u.com/main/yourunion/student/lgbt/scene

That pretty much covers it!

Reply 15

_:_Emo_Cheerleader_:_

1

I'm at John Moores, have been since Friday.

Reply 16

_:_Emo_Cheerleader_:_

1

Thanks for the link, Tennessee! I'll have to rep you when I can

Reply 17

notts

selbydate16

Same for me. I'm curious as to what my local Legbite committee would be like, but none of my flatmates know yet and my best flatmate's a Catholic, so I'd feel a bit dodgy telling her about which way I potentially swing.

Still, she knows I'm an Aspie, so that's a start....

P.S. What's the Liverpool scene like? How can I find out about it other than Legbite committee?

my gay housemate is a catholic.
i know for sure he knows one more gay person, one bi and one lesbian who goes to mass.

Reply 18

_:_Emo_Cheerleader_:_

1

notts

my gay housemate is a catholic.
i know for sure he knows one more gay person, one bi and one lesbian who goes to mass.

*raises eyebrow* Call me naive, but I thought Catholics had a tendency towards homophobia? Sorry if I'm wrong, but that's what I've heard.
I know that there are churches for gays, but I just didn't think there were any Catholic ones.

Reply 19

Mattmoy_2000

9

Are they your roommate (i.e. no wall/door between your beds) or flat/house mate?
If the former, then I could understand why they might feel awkward, which is why most universities don't put gay/bi people in shared rooms.
If the latter, then I can't see why they'd have any problem. I have a feeling that they probably just don't know how to act around camp people, rather than gay people, especially as camp quite often equates to irritating and fussy* which are difficult to get along with.
The Catholic stance is (or should be) "Hate the sin, but love the sinner" and as Jesus of Nazareth is reputed to have said "let he who is without sin cast the first stone", they should not be (hypocritical and) homophobic.

*often, not always, before someone has a go at me.

Homosexuality and uni roommates

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