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parents don't want me in a relationship...oops watch

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    my parents, more specifically my mum, doesn't want me to go out with anyone until i graduate high school...but oops too late. I'm I'm my last year and made friends with the guy i sat next to in chemistry and he ended up asking me out just over a month ago...that was after a crazy amount of hinting though haha Whenever i go out with him i have to make up excuses...like I'm going over to one of my girl friend's etc. it's so tiring and nerve wracking to be so secretive and lying to my parents all the time. His parents know about our relationship but i'm not sure if i should tell mine because my mum said once that she would like to tell her if we were ever in one. But it will make her so nosy and i really can't handle that.......what should i do???!!!
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    kill them.
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    (Original post by Angelxxx)
    kill them.
    wut
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    Well, I've always told my mum pretty much everything and sure she might ask questions but she's your mum it's normal how old are you? Does she not want you to have a boyfriend because she doesn't think you will concentrate on school or is it something else?
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    (Original post by LillyLisaa)
    Well, I've always told my mum pretty much everything and sure she might ask questions but she's your mum it's normal how old are you? Does she not want you to have a boyfriend because she doesn't think you will concentrate on school or is it something else?
    i've always avoided conversations about guys tbh...i just find it so awkward. I'm 17 and 18 in 4 months...
    yeah, she thinks it'll interfere with school
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    Tricky. Parents don't keep up with their children growing up. Not a lot you can do about that.

    The boyfriend thing is a protective instinct. Your mum has a fear of you wasting time other than on you studying and achieving the best opportunities for good life chances in the future. She will also be worried about you getting hurt/sex/pregnancy/std's etc., and the growing pains all teenagers must endure.

    So if you want this in the open (for your own sake) then you will have to convince her you are maturing, taking responsibilities seriously and that you are committed to academic success. You have to do this through demonstration - not mere words.

    The risk you run in the meantime, is invoking her wraith if she finds out you have been lying to her, which kind of demonstrates you have not grown up and are prepared to hide important stuff. If that happens the conversation will probably end with 'you are grounded forever and forbidden to have a boyfriend',

    Better to prepare the ground for telling her adult to adult by working out what you will say without making this a full blown confrontation/argument.

    Good luck.
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    (Original post by Tiffany03)
    i've always avoided conversations about guys tbh...i just find it so awkward. I'm 17 and 18 in 4 months...
    yeah, she thinks it'll interfere with school
    Most people do but for some reason I've always been open about everything with my mum it'd nice really
    Well, I've never been in a serious relationship and I'm 18 but I do have friends who have been in them and I think it depends on you as a person whether it will affect school or not. If you find that you are distracted with him in class could you move away? Could you maybe tell him your parents worries?? If your parents know that you will still focus on school (get your work done before seeing him etc.) they may feel more comfortable with it.
    You are almost an adult now which your mum will know and she should therefore support your decisions as long as you learn to priorotise your time.
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    WHAT??! A boyfriend?? That is most unorthodox!
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    (Original post by uberteknik)
    Tricky. Parents don't keep up with their children growing up. Not a lot you can do about that.

    The boyfriend thing is a protective instinct. Your mum has a fear of you wasting time other than on you studying and achieving the best opportunities for good life chances in the future. She will also be worried about you getting hurt/sex/pregnancy/std's etc., and the growing pains all teenagers must endure.

    So if you want this in the open (for your own sake) then you will have to convince her you are maturing, taking responsibilities seriously and that you are committed to academic success. You have to do this through demonstration - not mere words.

    The risk you run in the meantime, is invoking her wraith if she finds out you have been lying to her, which kind of demonstrates you have not grown up and are prepared to hide important stuff. If that happens the conversation will probably end with 'you are grounded forever and forbidden to have a boyfriend',

    Better to prepare the ground for telling her adult to adult by working out what you will say without making this a full blown confrontation/argument.

    Good luck.
    yeah...i think my mum treats me as though I'm much younger... i have an older sister which kinda makes me the baby of the family? does that make parents more over protective?
    thanks for your advice! it's great!
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    (Original post by LillyLisaa)
    Most people do but for some reason I've always been open about everything with my mum it'd nice really
    Well, I've never been in a serious relationship and I'm 18 but I do have friends who have been in them and I think it depends on you as a person whether it will affect school or not. If you find that you are distracted with him in class could you move away? Could you maybe tell him your parents worries?? If your parents know that you will still focus on school (get your work done before seeing him etc.) they may feel more comfortable with it.
    You are almost an adult now which your mum will know and she should therefore support your decisions as long as you learn to priorotise your time.
    i wouldn't say mine is a serious relationship....but we are pretty close and not people who constantly get into relationships...he's my first. I wouldn't say I'm distracted by him tbh...my school work is still my first priority cos i really want to get into this uni which requires results from exams of this year. thanks for your advice!
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    (Original post by Tiffany03)
    i wouldn't say mine is a serious relationship....but we are pretty close and not people who constantly get into relationships...he's my first. I wouldn't say I'm distracted by him tbh...my school work is still my first priority cos i really want to get into this uni which requires results from exams of this year. thanks for your advice!
    Well then I think it will be fine if you just tell your mum it's good that you're only just getting into dating!
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    (Original post by Tiffany03)
    i've always avoided conversations about guys tbh...i just find it so awkward. I'm 17 and 18 in 4 months...
    yeah, she thinks it'll interfere with school
    tell them, and add that since (by uk laws, but I'm guessing you're american if you say "graduate") you are almost an adult, you deserve to make your own f****** choices and should have a boyfriend because you want one. You're old enough to understand that there is a work life balance. Your parents should not treat you like a child.

    Hope all is well in the relationship.
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    (Original post by LillyLisaa)
    Well then I think it will be fine if you just tell your mum it's good that you're only just getting into dating!
    im so tempted to take the easy way out of this...keeping it a secret...until she naturally finds out or until i finish school...which isn't that long to go :/
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    (Original post by Guills on wheels)
    tell them, and add that since (by uk laws, but I'm guessing you're american if you say "graduate") you are almost an adult, you deserve to make your own f****** choices and should have a boyfriend because you want one. You're old enough to understand that there is a work life balance. Your parents should not treat you like a child.

    Hope all is well in the relationship.
    nah i'm from UK actually haha thanks for the advice!
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    (Original post by Tiffany03)
    my parents, more specifically my mum, doesn't want me to go out with anyone until i graduate high school...but oops too late. I'm I'm my last year and made friends with the guy i sat next to in chemistry and he ended up asking me out just over a month ago...that was after a crazy amount of hinting though haha Whenever i go out with him i have to make up excuses...like I'm going over to one of my girl friend's etc. it's so tiring and nerve wracking to be so secretive and lying to my parents all the time. His parents know about our relationship but i'm not sure if i should tell mine because my mum said once that she would like to tell her if we were ever in one. But it will make her so nosy and i really can't handle that.......what should i do???!!!
    Don't feel nervous or guilty, it's your life. but they probably just want you to pass grades so just try and do things yourself that you think will help for your grades like no sex or something, i dunno, just something lol
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    (Original post by Angelxxx)
    kill them.
    This person is going to go far in life, prison most likely, but far
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    Really depends. She might be overprotective, or she might know you well and your abilities to juggle the two things.

    I advised one of my friends (in the nicest possible way) to lay off the boys until she finished Uni, because even so much as a simple kiss would send her into an obsession and she would basically flunk all her assignments. She's a lovely girl, not guy crazy or anything, but overly emotional and sensitive to the point where it could have ruined her degree prospects.

    She's probably just worried that you won't do the best you possibly could do.
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    (Original post by Tiffany03)
    nah i'm from UK actually haha thanks for the advice!
    then it's f****** outrageous that they'd do that.

    what were your parents reasons for not letting you have a boyf?

    <<mods, please don't report me, it's only an "f">>
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    (Original post by Tiffany03)
    yeah...i think my mum treats me as though I'm much younger... i have an older sister which kinda makes me the baby of the family? does that make parents more over protective?
    thanks for your advice! it's great!
    Most definitely. You will be the baby and always will be even when you have children of your own!

    It also means that she is likely to be more tolerant because your sister prepared the way.

    Do you have a good relationship with your sister? i.e. does she know / is on your side?

    If you are looking at higher education and university, then being enthusiastic and pro-active about and more importantly, achieving your potential, then that can only be a good thing. That demonstrates you have your mind firmly set on your future.

    If your boyfriend also has his mind set on the future, then you are half way there.

    If you have close friends who your mother knows/has met/respects and also have boyfriends that your mum knows about, then that can help also.

    One way is to ease her in to the idea is by having a wider social network of both girls boys, but you may not have the time for that if you have not done that already.

    Your mum will come around, but it will take some time for her to adjust.

    Be prepared for some difficult conversations in the meantime.
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    (Original post by vortex_199)
    Really depends. She might be overprotective, or she might know you well and your abilities to juggle the two things.

    I advised one of my friends (in the nicest possible way) to lay off the boys until she finished Uni, because even so much as a simple kiss would send her into an obsession and she would basically flunk all her assignments. She's a lovely girl, not guy crazy or anything, but overly emotional and sensitive to the point where it could have ruined her degree prospects.

    She's probably just worried that you won't do the best you possibly could do.
    ah yeah i guess i understand where my mum is coming from then...
 
 
 
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