Sex: am I missing something?

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Except that it's not that she's just got a low sex drive and wants it less often, she said she never wants it and it either feels painful or as pleasurable as eating a bar of chocolate. Doesn't just sound like a sex drive mismatch to me.

Actually I think it does - because perhaps sex would be better with another partner

Reply 21

joker12345

Original post by Elf.

Actually I think it does - because perhaps sex would be better with another partner

She's already said she's had many partners and she's always felt the same.

Reply 22

Anonymous #2

I'm a little similar and a little different.

Sex isn't that great for me. Anything penetrative hurts a little, sometimes a lot (or hurts a lot after). This even includes fingering. I am seeing a doctor about it though to find out if there's something wrong because I too have had a lot of partners, including boyfriends who I've tried to coach into being gentle and making it good but zilch.

I enjoy the other stuff, oral and whatnot. And I do sort of get a weird pleasure out of sex which is where I am different to you. It hurts, and sometimes it doesn't hurt but doesn't feel good at all (almost like I feel nothing) yet there's something about the movements and (excuse the TMI) pounding that I like which sounds so weird when I write it down.

And I do have some sex drive as I masturbate and crave that every now and then. I also moan to my friends about how I crave sex when I don't get it for more than a week or two, and I feel like my… parts… are craving it too.

Yet I know when I do or will have sex it won't even feel that great and I'll hurt afterwards.

So I kind of sympathise with you, but it's strange how you don't even want to do it. I think you have a much lower sex drive than me AND there's something going on in terms of the pain and uncomfortable factor which doesn't help, whereas I think my sex drive is okay I just get pains which can make it sometimes undesirable.

You are not asexual, and in fact I'm not sure men here are entirely qualified to try and answer this post, especially if they say that. I would see a doctor though

Reply 23

lou_100

Original post by flatmatetrouble

I don't know if anyone has suggested this, but what type of birth control do you use? I was the same, completely uninterested in sex, and then switched to a non-hormonal birth control and my libido came back almost instantly. Try and get yourself fitted with an IUD.

Another point to make would be that many women don't feel pleasure from penetrative sex, it's like you feel it but you don't really feel it (you know what I mean). This is just your physiology, nothing wrong with you. Obviously you still have active nerve endings if you can get yourself off. I would suggest getting a vibrator/magic bullet/ massager and using that on yourself while having sex, it really really makes a huge difference.

Edit: Also just a point, but I know a lot of inexperienced guys just do the in out really fast kind of sex (I call it the jackhammer) which is fine sometimes, but let's be real that type of sex does nothing for most women. Try and take control of the situation, you set the pace.

Backing up the contraceptive thing. The pill inflames 1 in 7 women's 'something-to-do-with-the-woman-parts'. I can't remember what organ or part exactly gets inflamed, maybe the womb in general or the vaginal walls or something. My doctor told me this was a possibility with my pain problems. That is why he's going to investigate the effects of my pain when I change to a coil or implant.

Reply 24

Elf.

Original post by flatmatetrouble

Edit: Also just a point, but I know a lot of inexperienced guys just do the in out really fast kind of sex (I call it the jackhammer) which is fine sometimes, but let's be real that type of sex does nothing for most women. Try and take control of the situation, you set the pace.

This!

Reply 25

cheeriosarenice

Original post by Elf.

Wow not at all. After a hard day theres no better way to get out your frustration than wild sex :tongue:

does not compare to chocolate and I am a chocolate fiend :tongue:

Can you please be my Girlfriend? :colondollar:

Reply 26

hermitthefrog

Original post by Anonymous

I've never really found sex that great (I'm a girl). Before you say 'you haven't found the right guy' or 'you're doing it wrong' I've slept with quite a few guys, both in loving relationships, one night stands and flings. I've tried loads of different things. I just never desire penetrative sex in any way. It feels either slightly painful or mildly pleasurable but tbh I get more pleasure from eating a chocolate bar. Even the before stuff I'd rather just do myself because it's so much easier to climax that way.

Girls always go on about sex like it's the be all and end all. One of my best friends does it twice a day! And she gets frustrated when her boyfriend isn't there. I still do it quite a lot as my bf has a very high sex drive (maybe once every other day) but it's more of a chore, I've even found myself just trying to get it over with first thing in the morning to avoid him trying it all day. Everything is always about sex with him.

I'm similar OP don't worry, I can quite happily go a long time without it and it doesn't bother me. Tbh the highlight for me is when it's over I get this nice fuzzy feeling down below. Oral sex can be pretty good when done by the right person but the actual act of a penis/ finger slamming into you repeatedly is something I personally have never found that satisfying.

Reply 27

Slazenger

Original post by Anonymous

maybe stop doing this for a while? see if things change?

:dontknow:

Reply 28

Ridingmyego123

My previous relationship enhanced greatly when I realised that, for me, the point of p*netrative sex wasn’t to orgasm. For me it was to exorcise some demons safely, exercise, tire each other out for bed, and overall serve as an act of trust. When it was time to arrive I just finished her orally before she did likewise ☺️