Shyness

Firstly apologies if this has been posted before. I looked but couldnt find one, but im sure theres one here somewhere.

I am really shy, not just around new people but also around some existing friends/family. I wouild love to be more outgoing (obviously) but its really difficult. I never know what to say to people, never know how to start/carry on a conversation and on the off chance i do think of something good to say i choose not to as im paranoid it will come off badly.
Im at college now in my 3rd year and only have 2 people who i talk to a little bit and thats only in class.
Id really like to meet a partner but first of all i need to improve my confidence. Has anybody been in this situation before and since resolved it? I know its much easier said than done but your help could the foundations to me getting on with my life. Also i go to uni next year so will have to be more outgoing when that time comes around.

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

I'm the same. I think it's because of a lack of confidence but i don't know how to build confidence because i ust think nobody would be interested in anything i have to say so i just stay quiet. :frown:

Reply 2

Anonymous #3

Hi.
I'm really shy too... Can be myself only with people I know for years and trust completely... Dunno, it's difficult isnt it? I guess if you not happy about it - try to change yourself (how?). I've been working on it when i was in high school, but now im uni and everything seems to go in a bad way. lol.

Reply 3

hixey101

All these shy anonymous people! I think its not going to ever be an overnight thing. you wont suddenly be leading the conversation, but it is possible to become much more confident over time.
One of the main reasons that its hard to change is because of the fact that it would be a bit strange to your friends and people around you if you suddenly just started to be really loud and confident, so what we tend to do is just stay the same.
This is why it is much easier to do if we are making a fresh start, and as this is a university forum im thinking that maybe you might be just going to university this year or next, this is what will make it easier and it did for me.
I was pretty shy before uni, alhough i had gradually started to gain some confidence at the end of college. its all about feeling good about yourself and concentrating on the reasons why you may hold back in a conversation. for me it was because i thought I looked wierd and didnt like my voice or anything about myself really. i just thought well so what if im not the most good looking person in the world, i should be proud of what I have. there are plenty of ugly people out there who have loads of confidence in conversations and just generally. my other main motivator was because i knew i was holding my future career back from being so introverted, and i didnt see the point in it all effecteng my life so much, so in the end i just stopped feeling sorry for myself and got out there and did something about it.
In the end, i started feeling a lot happier and confident, and when i did eventually go to university i was always really into the conversations with new people and I know i definately showed my true colours, which made me so much happier :smile:

anyone can do it though, try to forgget any bad things in your past and just look to the future and there is nothing that can go wrong. just think - whats the worst that can happen?

Reply 4

Anonymous #4

Unfortunately the only person that can help you is yourself. You have to try and make the effort instead of waiting for others to chat to you. One thing i can say is that university is a whole new playing ground and therefore you can change the image that you are portrayed as at home and with existing friends. No one at university will know how you were before and therefore it is an opportunity, there a bound to be more people of course of around your age and therefore more possibility that you will be able to click with them.

Just keep trying! MAKE THE EFFORT! and you will notice that you are indeed confident enough and enjoyable comapny to someone.

Reply 5

Tractor-girlie

Try to do a new thing each week/day which would scare you. You should build confidence from that.
I was really shy but when on hol to turkey, the men over there were saying such nice things (just to get me in there shop or cafe) but it didnt matter it boosted my confidence and from then on I slowly became less shy. Today no one would say im shy.

Reply 6

ames123

1

I am shy and a lot of the time (not all the time) it's not the fact that I don't want to speak, I just can't think of anything to say lol!

Reply 7

Lucy_88

10

ames123

I am shy and a lot of the time (not all the time) it's not the fact that I don't want to speak, I just can't think of anything to say lol!

Yes same here i hate that when you're just stood with someone in silence and can't think of a thing to say.

Reply 8

Anonymous #5

I'm extremely shy but I am finding that I'm being forced to come out of my shell now I'm at uni, which can only be a good thing.

Thing is, I think when you're shy and find it difficult to talk to people, when you do make an effort and it doesn't go too well then you tend to blame it on yourself. I realised today that for years and years I've been thinking that there's something wrong with me if I don't automatically click with someone, when in actual fact we just don't share the same interests so there isn't a lot to talk about.

Reply 9

--

3

If you're a guy, watch Family Guy/Alan Partridge, they're the ice breakers to end all ice breakers and if the person you're talking to hasnt watched them then they're clearly not worth talking to. :smile:

Reply 10

garethDT

13

I'm quite shy too, and not afraid to admit it (I'm not being anonymous lol). I'm fine with people I know, but the more people there are in a group the quieter I get. I'm trying to be less introvert but I do find that if you try to speak up a bit more when people don't expect you to then they comment on it and then your confidence is back to zero.

I think it's because I analyse too much what I'm going to say because I'm worried about how people will react and it generally ends up in me saying nothing.

Reply 11

Anonymous #2

garethDT

I'm quite shy too, and not afraid to admit it (I'm not being anonymous lol). I'm fine with people I know, but the more people there are in a group the quieter I get. I'm trying to be less introvert but I do find that if you try to speak up a bit more when people don't expect you to then they comment on it and then your confidence is back to zero.

I think it's because I analyse too much what I'm going to say because I'm worried about how people will react and it generally ends up in me saying nothing.

Yeah i hate it when i say something and someone goes "oh my god she spoke!" that makes me feel like a right idiot.

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

OP

Anonymous

Yeah i hate it when i say something and someone goes "oh my god she spoke!" that makes me feel like a right idiot.

Yeah i hate that! And it really knocks your confidence too. Its just so hard trying to think of things to sday sometimes, but i think im starting to get better at it! *fingers crossed* :smile:

Reply 13

fernyfrenchy

i had this problem with s guy who liked me and i got really annyoed coz i did like him but he was always too shy to show me how he felt it was really hard but he wld tell me over text and stuff so it was kool just dont b afraid to talk its all kool xxxx

Reply 14

hldevil

im shy to but alright with ppl i have known for years. i have my induction at uni on tuesday and i am unbelievably nervous as most ppl are anyway but im worried i'll be my usual self and stay quiet and therefore make no friends.

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

OP

hldevil

im shy to but alright with ppl i have known for years. i have my induction at uni on tuesday and i am unbelievably nervous as most ppl are anyway but im worried i'll be my usual self and stay quiet and therefore make no friends.

Good luck with your uni induction.. i know how difficult it can be so i hope things go alright for you!

Thanx

I used to be extremely shy. I'm still shy now but thankfully not as much, although I am still the quietest person that my friends know. At school many of the teachers made it even worse by shouting at me to speak up or being really sarcastic when they heard me speak, that always made me embarrased in front of the whole class and I'd feel so stupid. I suppose it's just taken time really. (Although it was been a VERY long time) People that I'm friends with, when I first got to know them I was really quiet and didn't talk much but being the wonderful people that they are, they were patient and gradually I started talking to them more and more. And now they can't get me to shut up :biggrin:

Reply 18

notts

obviously you didnt look hard enough, there is a thread like this almost every day

*yawn*

Reply 19

That artistic one

1

I used to have selective mutism as a child (google it if you dont know what it is). I can actually speak now to anyone, but it has been a difficult challenge for all these years of my life. The mutism left me with the shyness...

I know exactly how all you guys feel, it is awful feeling. I am a lot more confident now, the only time im quiet really is when i cant think of something to say, but im all mouthy either! In a really big group, I do find it hard but I try to force myself to say something. I feel I am still improving and feel much happier within myself...that I can show the real me and not be afraid of what people think etc.

Having a confidence problem really lessens your opportunities in life. I have found it a struggle to get where I am now.

I think you just have to really force yourself...uni is a good start...
Just even by saying the odd thing now and then and gradually being able to feel free to say whatever you want and not care how people react.

I also feel what helped myself, was that as I am at uni, most people aren't the type to think badly of you because of what you say etc (obviously unless it's offensive stuff). Furthermore, I am doing a Fine Art Course, which makes me realy happy as art is my life....it is very therapeutic for me too..
I think that if you can feel happy about something in your life, it helps and it is easier for me to feel confident about myself and from my work i feel able to discuss it in front of a group without being nervous.

I know this is the obvious tip, but doing exercise such as going to the gym really helps your mentality and therefore confidence, although I never believed this until I tried it, in fact it is the only reason I go to the gym really!

Just remember your as good as anyone else, so why should you have to hide it?!

Anyway, hope this helps.... :smile:

Shyness

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