LGB(T) Soc

OP

Patrick7777

Heya, I'll be coming up to St John's. Great idea for a thread.

I don't really have any questions as such... I just have the mild worry that some of the people I meet (especially straight guys) might be put off/intimidated when I tell them. But hey, that's my only real issue about being gay generally - so I know there's no real answer. It's usually not the case anyway.

Yay! Thanks for posting; I was worried that this thread might die a death without anyone responding...

You're right that it's not usually the case that people are put off by others being gay, especially in a tolerant (and, let's face it, quite homosexual) environment like Oxford. Unless you really go in for the hardcore rugby-playing, lad-until-I-die type of group, or, perhaps, the evangelical-Christian set you're unlikely to encounter any open questioning of your lifestyle or prejudice. I can say I've never had any kind of bad comment from anyone at Oxford. But perhaps that's just my natural charisma! :rolleyes:

I had a bit of an odd time coming out - having made lots of good friends in my first term and really enjoying Oxford and such, I'd only actually told one Oxford person that I was gay (although my family all knew). I picked the slightly tricky route of slowly telling more and more people, worrying about how everyone would react. Most people tended to be initially surprised and even disbelieving rather than anything else but I definitely became a lot closer to my friends and a lot happier as a result. I was expecting my friendships (especially with straight guys) to change a lot, but, in fact, all that it mostly amounts to is the occasional bout of friendly banter.

If I could re-live the year, I would definitely make more of an effort to come out earlier, but I found there was a lot of new things to cope with simply as a student new to university life and kept putting off my first visit to LGB-soc, but was eventually persuaded to go, ended up meeting a good number of people I knew already (one of whom had the audacity/well-meaning idea to act in a completely nonchalant way - as if I'd always gone there!) LGB society itself doesn't run a lot of events, but there are drinks evenings once a week, which were on Tuesdays last year (but may be Monday this year) where people meet up, chat, buy cheap alcohol, and then many go on to one of Oxford's two gay nights, Poptarts. Poptarts is OK, if you like spending a fortune on drinks and pushing through crowds of people in tight t-shirts to try to shout at the people you came with over the (admittedly quite good) music. Depends if that's your cup of tea - I only go when the mood takes me... :wink:

Hmm... what else to say? Probably not much, except that I know the two (one male, one female) LGB officers at St. John's, and they're both really nice people. Dan tends to lean too much towards the camp for my tastes, but he's very friendly and certainly knows a lot about the LGB-scene in Oxford. Julia's great too - also very friendly and approachable.

Well, that'll do for now. Apologies for the slightly patronising tone of the first post; it sounds a little bit 'Now, Children. We're going to talk about Homosexuality' reading it back to myself. Never mind.

Reply 3

Patrick7777

6

Cool cool.

I know what you mean about not telling people being easy to do. I went to a Latin camp in August (actually because of Oxford) and meet loads of people coming up this year as well. I didn't tell anyone, and due to being in an all male dorm with a load of other lads never really found the right time. Then by the end of the week I'd got off with two girls (drunkenly) and was in a load of trouble with them!! I've kept in contact with a few people and have since told them over msn and stuff and they've been quite disbelieving.

Meh, I guess it's easy to convince yourself acting straight is the easiest thing to do in a new environment, even when its not.

Reply 4

Sinuhe

8

@ Yttrium: Are you intending to be 'out' whilst in Russia, too? That might be a bit dangerous what with the orthodox fanatics, I'd imagine ...
(Sorry, this is off-topic, isn't it?)

Reply 5

Crazy Mongoose

12

Sinuhe

@ Yttrium: Are you intending to be 'out' whilst in Russia, too? That might be a bit dangerous what with the orthodox fanatics, I'd imagine ...
(Sorry, this is off-topic, isn't it?)

I was under the impression Russia wasn't that bad anymore... didn't they have a Pride festival in Moscow recently?

Reply 6

Joavav

@ Crazy Mongoose: Wiki says no (kind of), but it might be out-of-date:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gay_rights_in_Russia

Besides, I think many countries have own or two cities where no one minds GLB's, but whose other regions are really problematic about the issue. I don't really know if Russia is like that, but my Russian friends have often told me that there's still a lot of progress to be made there.

Reply 7

OP

Hey Hey,

Re: Russia stuff. I certainly intend to play down the whole 'being a sexual deviant who's on the road to Hell' thing in Russia - I'm living with a Russian family (or possibly just a babushka) and I'm thinking that they/she will probably have quite conservative and probably quite religious views - so I don't know whether it's something I'm going to be able to be open about or not. Still, there are other Oxford people going on the trip and, I think, some people from other unis that we might be able to socialise with so there are some potential chances for some kind of relationship there... I don't think I'd really consider entering into a relationship with a Russian as it'd be a) possibly dangerous (high levels of STDs, including AIDS, which is rife in Russia) and b) heart-wrenching when I had to leave...

So the general plan is to play it a bit by ear but probably to keep myself much more to myself than I have been doing at Oxford. Figuratively speaking.

Patrick: Hehe - being in an all-male dorm *is* a tricky situation - I went to Berlin with a group of people from Oxford arranged by our Lektorin and we slept in single-sex rooms of 6... not the ideal place to introduce yourself as a gay man... But, in the end, one of the other guys was bi and another one I'm almost certain is gay and the whole thing wasn't an issue. That's kind of a microcosm of what Oxford's like... perhaps it's just us linguists but out of the guys on that trip, 2 were gay, 3 were bi and 2 were straight, plus the one who nobody's quite sure about... It does, of course, vary from college to college and subject to subject (and for guys, languages are one of the more queer choices...out of the 6 male linguists in my year at my college - Magdalen -, 3 are gay...) Mind you, Magdalen *is* a bit that-way-inclined.

Reply 8

Thank you Yttrium for starting the thread (once had to do a project on Yttrium...can't remember much about it anymore). Must admit that I don't think I'll have to do the whole "coming out" thing. It has been said that I can be as camp as a row of pink tents...I resent that, but the message does seem to be put across without my having to say anything. Failing that, my hanging around the renowned wadham may confirm any suspicions...

Reply 9

OP

Leo-Marcus

Thank you Yttrium for starting the thread (once had to do a project on Yttrium...can't remember much about it anymore). Must admit that I don't think I'll have to do the whole "coming out" thing. It has been said that I can be as camp as a row of pink tents...I resent that, but the message does seem to be put across without my having to say anything. Failing that, my hanging around the renowned wadham may confirm any suspicions...

Heh - thanks! (Yttrium is a decidedly strange name - think the only reason my 9-year-old-or-thereabouts persona chose it was that it was difficult to pronounce and looked cool. He was a simple guy.)

Y'know, before I got to Oxford I never really understood why anyone would play up campness, but then, having realised the tricky interplay of trying to tell people you're interested in that you're gay and trying to find out if they are without it being horrendously forced, then campness suddenly seems sensible. It does, as you suggest, mean that you may never really have to tell anyone about you being gay - even if that does mean you're reinforcing stereotypes! :wink:

All the same, I don't tend to find the camper side of the gay spectrum (a rainbow, natch) particularly attractive.

PS: Wadham does, of course, have a reputation for being gay but I reckon the college with the largest presence at LGB-soc events is actually Magdalen. There were often groups of 10-15 of us Magdalenites there (and lots more gays who shunned the coarseness of LGB drinks... especially the graduates) whereas there might only be a couple of people from most colleges! Of course this might have changed next year with a new group of Freshers (who I hope carry on the Magdalen homo tradition!)

PPS: Which college are you going to be at, Leo-Marcus?

Reply 10

Patrick7777

6

I find that the more camp a guy is, usually the more repressed he is. But perhaps that's just my experience.

Reply 11

I hate the whole camp thing too, so it's very annoying when I catch myself doing it, (saw a video of myself the other day doing it - very very embarrassing) because it is completely playing up to the stereotypes...but it's also a way of avoiding any aggression. I think I played up on it at school, because if people were laughing, then they weren't going to be quite as aggressive. Which means, yes, I probably am hugely repressed...

University College, Yttrium.

Reply 12

OP

Leo-Marcus

I hate the whole camp thing too, so it's very annoying when I catch myself doing it, (saw a video of myself the other day doing it - very very embarrassing) because it is completely playing up to the stereotypes...but it's also a way of avoiding any aggression. I think I played up on it at school, because if people were laughing, then they weren't going to be quite as aggressive. Which means, yes, I probably am hugely repressed...

University College, Yttrium.

Hey - good to hear more from you. Hmm... Univ certainly isn't a particularly gay college, but I'm sure that your hanging around Wadham will compensate. I have been reliably informed that there is only one deviant in Univ (and she's only bi...) but there are probably lots of lovely closet cases. And your years intake of Freshers could, of course, be very pink.

(am now struggling to think of synonyms for gay)

Reply 13

Autocrat

3

Woopsy is Stephen Fry's choice and amuses me no end :biggrin:

Reply 14

OP

Autocrat

Woopsy is Stephen Fry's choice and amuses me no end :biggrin:

*adds to mental list*

I like 'filthy mo'

Leo-Marcus

...but it's also a way of avoiding any aggression. I think I played up on it at school, because if people were laughing, then they weren't going to be quite as aggressive. Which means, yes, I probably am hugely repressed...

University College, Yttrium.

I can't imagine that being a problem at Birkdale Leo. They all 'elp out when they're busy....especially the ones that are friends with my sister.

/thread hijack

Reply 17

allymcb2

I can't imagine that being a problem at Birkdale Leo. They all 'elp out when they're busy....especially the ones that are friends with my sister.

/thread hijack

Birkdalians are the only species of Sheffield youth that can be more bitchy than the high school. Any way, I'm exaggerrating - sixth form was fantastic, but considering I came out when I was 14, people that age are never the most accepting. Did gain a small gathering of fag hags from the high school to fight my corner back then though.

Reply 18