hurting still

Yes, I know there are tonnes of these about the place. I don't even intend to write this, but my fingers do otherwise. What will I even achieve from it? Probably a telling off - whether self inflicted or otherwise - about emotional guilt etc. It's probably a mistake; one of the many I've made over the past 9 months.

Why does it hurt so much, even though I knew in my heart and had already accepted that we were over? I don't think it's even the end of the relationship - admittedly it wasn't always much of one - that's affected me, but the refusal of even friendship. I took it for granted the whole time that we could still be friends afterwards. I'm missing the texts. I'm missing the daily updates. I'm still waiting for the replies that never come. 'Hi, I can't catch up atm - mebbe another time' would make me feel so happy. Well, glad or reassured would probably be a better description. Maybe I should stop running to my phone whenever a message - almost exclusively a mate, a workmate, or a boss - appears.

I've been getting myself to do whatever I can to get over things. Deleting texts, putting away or deleting photos, cards, poems, memories. Immerising myself in work, getting ready for uni, going out more regularly with mates. None of it has really filled that void. Today I was packing, and found two bits I'd intended on giving months ago - not fun. Cutting someone you thought you loved from your life is hard, too hard, when I don't even believe it's the best way for me to move on. That's how they have opted to get over things, so I suppose I have to get on with what they've decided. If I'm trying to think up excuses for the apparent lack of any inclination to contact me, I'll tell myself it's because they're going through a busy time in life. I don't think I'm convinced. I've stopped texting, emailing. I don't question the times when I know I'm being avoided. I know not to call.

I don't know whether I more want the pain to stop, or to be the mates I wanted to be since we broke up. I still (mistakenly?) believe we can have/could have had both.

Sorry.

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

My girlfriend is on business for 2 days...im lost without her

Reply 2

Ben Dover the Lollipop Man

sorry if ive missed anything but are u a girl or boy?

nonthe less, the times are hard. so its been 9 months? maybe u can tell us how long u 2 been going out for, ur age, his/her age etc.

but anywayz, time is the greatest healer, u sed u deleted text, photos, cards etc, yet u say u dnt wana think about her/him anymore. but is it not that when u put away photos n cards u show that ur weak for him/her and u need to wipe them off ur memory completely to get over them?

obviously ur going thru a hard time, and will be for a few months. but ask urself a few question next time u think about him/her. is she/he really gona come back? will they be there everytime ur down or happy? will they be there when u need them the most, u want to think they will be there, but they wont. it sounds harsh, but theyr not part of ur life anymore. u say ur going univerisity or college soon? it will be a busy time, take advantage of that, use ur time wisely, i.e study hard, play hard, go out wit mates, have a drink, get stupidly drunk and have fun! least u know it, u wud stop thinking about them.

basically the more u relate everything u see around u to them the harder it is. i assume that u dnt see them anymore? or regularly? then thats even better cos the image of them in ur head is slowly disappearing. i broke up wit my ex, and she goes to the same school as me, we more or les go to the same place. its been nearly a year, still when i sometimes i see her, my heart skips a beat, but most of the time i just see her as any other person i see.

basically most importantly, give it time, give time for uself to heal up the wound. everytime u think about them, count to 10, breath deeply and do something else. do that everytime u think about them, before u no it u wud fink less and less about her/him.

love is not something can be easily taken away, specially if uve loved the person for a long time, but its not to say that its impossible to get over them. ive sed enough, its just up 2 urself to make the effort, and not fink about them. u'll realise after all of this, u'r a stronger person mentally.

good luck!

Reply 3

Anonymous #3

Yeah, it hurts like ***** but grit your teeth and get over it.

Look forward and don't look back until you're sure the memories don't stab you so much,

Reply 4

Anonymous #3

Yeah, it hurts like ***** but grit your teeth and get over it.

Look forward and don't look back until you're sure the memories don't stab you so much,