Parents - bisexual boyfriend problems Watch

Anonymous #1
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So my parents and boyfriend have never got on for various reasons.
Now recently me and him have got back together after a spell apart.
He is bisexual and for some reason my mother has a massive issue with this.
Recently I went home to see them and when the topic of my partner came up I got an unprovoked rant about how he isn't good enough for me because of his sexuality.
This led me on to tell them that I was bisexual as well so what was the issue.
This provoked a quite offensive and could be considered homophobic rant.
How do I get them to understand that a) being bisexual does not mean you have a girlfriend and a boyfriend at the same time b) my boyfriend has feelings and is hurt by the whole thing (its been going on for years) c) to actually consider meeting up with him and me

It's incredibly hurtful, I would've thought by my age (22) they would have got over the whole thing but not yet. I want to have a 'normal' parent - daughter relationship but their backward mindset is making things uncomfortable
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UnderAspirer
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There's nothing you can really do to change someone else's mind. You can't force them to see what's right. Sometimes you've just gotta let them figure it out and stop letting them hurt you with their homophobia. Maybe your parents don't like your boyfriend but you certainly do , right. I know it sucks that they're not over it yet but that's not your fault or anything. Maybe for now just back off the situation until it cools down
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Olderandwiser23
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Unfortunately there's not much you can do just love you life and be a happy. The way I got round it with my parents is simply now when I see them it's jus "pleasantries" eg how are you etc never get into deep convo, see them for one night only and make that occurrence as rare as possible.
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princessblogger
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That is terrible. I find it hard to understand how parents can't support their children. I never plucked up the courage to tell my parents I enjoy the occasional dibble dabble into both gender pools but then again it has never come up and I have only had relationships with men (and yeah who tells their parents about every little fling!) so I don't know what it is to be brave enough to come out but I have a lot of queer friends who have the same amount of balls you do, some of them got a bad reception at first but eventually the parents came round (took more than a year but now they accept him and his boyfriend. Just be patient and it should work out. Don't let yourself be dragged into screaming arguments with them though, you are better than taht.
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gr8wizard10
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Look at it from their oint of view. No matter how much you want to rationalise it, very few parents have a child wanting them to be gay.
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Musie Suzie
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Wait, why do they know he's bisexual? How was that ever relevant to them?

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Aku-gila
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(Original post by Anonynous)
Look at it from their oint of view. No matter how much you want to rationalise it, very few parents have a child wanting them to be gay.
Where did she say she was gay?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Musie Suzie)
Wait, why do they know he's bisexual? How was that ever relevant to them?

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He told them when they met up. (They didn't have very good first impressions either way before they agreed to meet up but their homophobia added fuel to the fire I guess and made things more awkward.) My mum said 'I can accept someone being one way or the other, but not someone who is both as it means they are more likely to cheat."
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
He told them when they met up. (They didn't have very good first impressions either way before they agreed to meet up but their homophobia added fuel to the fire I guess and made things more awkward.) My mum said 'I can accept someone being one way or the other, but not someone who is both as it means they are more likely to cheat."
Unfortunately it is a very complicated situation as we have both cheated on each other in the past, but we have come through that and we love each other. And I do not think that the cheating was in any way linked to us both being bisexual. Unfortunately my parents know about this.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by princessblogger)
That is terrible. I find it hard to understand how parents can't support their children. I never plucked up the courage to tell my parents I enjoy the occasional dibble dabble into both gender pools but then again it has never come up and I have only had relationships with men (and yeah who tells their parents about every little fling!) so I don't know what it is to be brave enough to come out but I have a lot of queer friends who have the same amount of balls you do, some of them got a bad reception at first but eventually the parents came round (took more than a year but now they accept him and his boyfriend. Just be patient and it should work out. Don't let yourself be dragged into screaming arguments with them though, you are better than taht.
Thank you for your kind advice.
To be honest on Friday night it came out of the blue as I have avoided having those kind of discussions with them for a long time - they seem to be immovable on the whole thing - my mother in particular - my dad usually tries to avoid conflict and avoid saying what he thinks as my mother is the nightmare really.
And I wouldn't normally have brought my own sexuality into it but I wanted to make them see how ridiculous they were being!
And yeah I've never been in a relationship with a girl, but just had casual things while exploring my own sexuality - and I would identify as bisexual because I find girls attractive.
I have told Mum in the past when I was a teen but i don't believe she took me seriously.
I feel patronised
I just believe they should accept me and whoever I choose to be with, without judgment but it seems it is too much to ask - even after me and him have been together for four years on and off.
I desperately want to get rid of this problem once and for all - and get them to be civil.
My boyfriend doesn't say much about it all but I know that internally he probably hurts about it.
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bluemax
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Tell your parents he's now straight. Personally, I don't believe telling stuff to people which may otherwise cause unnecessary trouble.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by UnderAspirer)
There's nothing you can really do to change someone else's mind. You can't force them to see what's right. Sometimes you've just gotta let them figure it out and stop letting them hurt you with their homophobia. Maybe your parents don't like your boyfriend but you certainly do , right. I know it sucks that they're not over it yet but that's not your fault or anything. Maybe for now just back off the situation until it cools down
Yeah I have tried that before - resulting in a period of six months where we barely spoke!
And then when I started speaking to them again, my mother blamed me for it all.
But that was when I was a bit younger - now I'm not afraid to stand up for myself as I have a lot more self assurance.
They've never given him a chance that is what is so ridiculous! They had argument with him when they first met - he was my first boyf etc and I think they saw him as trying to take me away from them - overprotective parents syndrome - then I left home as a result of all this.
Sorry for the long posts but it does feel good to talk about this to an unemotionally involved audience!
I usually let it slide but last Friday the degree of the offensiveness really got me.
I just wish I could have a normal parent boyfriend relationship where he comes round for xmas dinner or whatever but i don't see that happening as they seem to define him by his sexuality.
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e aí rapaz
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Why would you tell your girlfriend's parents that your bisexual though? I can't see how that could EVER come up in conversation.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by bluemax)
Tell your parents he's now straight. Personally, I don't believe telling stuff to people which may otherwise cause unnecessary trouble.
If it was up to me maybe I would to help things a bit - thing is as I said - when he's with me he's straight in everything else other than finding guys attractive or whatever - as he is with me!
The thing is he would not agree to lie to them over something like this - as - and I agree with him - why should he have to?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by e aí rapaz)
Why would you tell your girlfriend's parents that your bisexual though? I can't see how that could EVER come up in conversation.
I can't really remember the circumstances but it's happened and this is the situation I am in. :/
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Anonymous #2
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Biphobia is quite common. I know people who love gay lads but don't like bisexual ones. I think they view us as greedy or indecisive.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Olderandwiser23)
Unfortunately there's not much you can do just love you life and be a happy. The way I got round it with my parents is simply now when I see them it's jus "pleasantries" eg how are you etc never get into deep convo, see them for one night only and make that occurrence as rare as possible.
Thank you. Yes this is what I do in general. but it breaks my heart that I can't have him over for dinner and stuff like that. I know its really silly.

what is your situation if you don't mind me asking?
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Tahooper
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The fact that you've both cheated on each other in the past would suggest that it's probably not going to work out in the long-term anyway, not that that excuses your parents' homophobic behaviour.
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UnderAspirer
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yeah I have tried that before - resulting in a period of six months where we barely spoke!
And then when I started speaking to them again, my mother blamed me for it all.
But that was when I was a bit younger - now I'm not afraid to stand up for myself as I have a lot more self assurance.
They've never given him a chance that is what is so ridiculous! They had argument with him when they first met - he was my first boyf etc and I think they saw him as trying to take me away from them - overprotective parents syndrome - then I left home as a result of all this.
Sorry for the long posts but it does feel good to talk about this to an unemotionally involved audience!
I usually let it slide but last Friday the degree of the offensiveness really got me.
I just wish I could have a normal parent boyfriend relationship where he comes round for xmas dinner or whatever but i don't see that happening as they seem to define him by his sexuality.
I know you want things to be normal but it doesn't look like there's a good chance of that happening. Sometimes you've got to let go instead of fighting a losing battle. It's good that you've plucked up the strength to stand up for yourself. Use it. I think you should stop getting into these conversations when you know it's not been working out. Even if that means that you don't talk to your parents for a while. If they want to have a civil conversation they should approach you for once instead of the other way around. For now at least you have your boyfriend. Surely it's better to have a romantic Christmas dinner with him than to have a tense Christmas sit down with your parents.

Don't worry about the long posts. I hope this helps
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anosmianAcrimony
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It's silly that they think he'd be more likely to cheat. People cheat because they're disinterested in or frustrated with the relationship they're in - if your boyfriend gets to that stage, he'll probably cheat whether he likes boys or not. In any case, you guys sound solid enough that that's not going to happen.
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