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To those without Fathers - who, if anyone, is your father-figure?

As the question reads, do you have a father-figure in your life? May be you step-dad, or your male relative? Just wondering. I suppose I didn't really have one when I was growng up, as I don't see my uncles regularly, and all of my teachers have been female until recently.

However, when I came to sixth form I have unknowingly found a daddy in one of my teachers. I couldn't figure out what was so special about him (I love a few of my teachers, male and female, but this felt different). Now I know that it's different because I love him like a father, not just as a teacher. I have never felt that way about anyone in my life before, my dad having died when I was little, but for the last year I have felt like I had a Daddy, a Daddy with a capital D. Have to say, getting to know him and growing to feel this way is probably the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me, it's like he easily filled the space of which I wasn't even aware: I never wished I had a dad, I never wanted to have a dad, until one day that I called this amazing person "Daddy" in my diary. I enjoy every second of feeling this way and it has made a huge difference to my life. :love:

He knows about it, I have told him on two occasions: the first time when we had a tutor talk, I was sooo nervous so I implied it istead of saying it :redface:

, and the second time when leaving the school, together with giving him a birthday card that read "You're like a Dad to me... Happy Birthday" :love:

. Too bad that I have left school now and I miss him terribly :frown:

Reply 1

Sazarina88

11

My Dad is still my father figure. Just because he's not alive doesn't mean he can't still have that role. I still think of what his advice would be to me in situations and what he would want for me.

I have an older brother, I don't really see him as a father figure but I guess it's helped having him around sometimes.

Reply 2

K@

1

My 'dad' as good as rejected me 10 years ago (long story) and since then I've had 2 step dads (mum is still married to one and he lives with us currently). I don't really look on him as a father figure and probably won't. My uncle is I guess my fatherish figure. If I was to get married, I'd like him to give me away...

My 'dad' left me at the age of 8 so I've gone through everything with my mum even though we're not that close. I think if I were suddenly to have a father figure it would be odd as I think I cope well enough without one....

Reply 3

tanusha-tomsk

OP

18

Sazarina88

My Dad is still my father figure. Just because he's not alive doesn't mean he can't still have that role.

I suppose so, but I don't remember my Dad, I don't know what he was like, it's like I've never had a Dad ...until recently.

:hugs:

Reply 4

Sazarina88

11

Ah, my Dad died last year so I do have memories. Not all good ones though, he was ill for a long time so it's quite hard sometimes to remember things before he was ill. I remember silly things though like going to McDonalds together and having their gorgeous pancakes :biggrin:

Reply 5

lolly83

Lost touch with my dad at 13 got back in touch at 19, I'm now 23 but our relationship doesn't go beyond the very occasional e-mail.
I remember him when I was a kid before the divorce, and that's my father figure. This forms a contradiction because even though I'm in touch with him now he feels like a stranger to me still, can't understand why he didn't stay in touch especially as we were so close when I was younger.
So memories of my father form my father figure, and my father at the moment is a mild acquaintance at best.
Confusing.
Any one that has more luck than me figuring this out please let me know!

Reply 6

kurupt_07

my father was murdered when i was abt 5 n a half, i know its a small age but it has left me trusting no one as the murderer was a close person. i have uncles who i meet regularly but i dont see them as father figures. i dont think anyone can take my dads place..

Reply 7

Segat1

16

My Dad is still my father figure. He died in 2002, after a very sudden illness. At the time it felt like being told the sky was blue all your life, and then finding out that it was really pink. Wierd analogy but thats the way I describe it. Just a constant in my life being removed felt odd. We have some very close family friends, and the man in that couple is like my dad anyway. They always called us their daughters anyway.

Reply 8

sexysax

14

K@

My 'dad' as good as rejected me 10 years ago (long story) and since then I've had 2 step dads (mum is still married to one and he lives with us currently).

Same here. I've not spoken to my 'dad' in about 9 years. Although my stepdad has been there and stuff I don't think I'll ever see him as my dad, I don't call him that, I just feel weird if I do. I've got a few male friends a lot older that are more like father figures really.

Reply 9

KerriT

9

I haven't seen my father in years and there's no contact but I don't have another father figure and I'm not sure whether I need one or not.

Reply 10

CelenaGaia

I still have my bio father and still love him to bits. However...the poor guy's never been able to be more than a "fairweather" father as it were. He was in the RAF from age 18, met my mom there (17years old) and they got hitched. My older came along out of the blue, so Mom's RAF career was effectively zapped. She stayed at home (Germany, then) - Dad got to scoot off all over Europe, wherever he got posted, only came home every few months. Then I came along, 3 years later. So Mom was stuck at home with 2 lil brats who hated each others' guts (3 year age gap, got to be the worse one between sisters) while he toddled off all over the joint. Thing is, he never really got over that ideal - he was brought up, by my grandparents (who have rather Victorian ideals themselves) to believe that the "Mommy stayed at home, did everything for Daddy and the kiddies, had no life of her own; Daddy was the main breadwinner, worked hard, but as soon as he came home did exactly ZILCH to help Mommy." Hench why Mom left him five years ago! Don't blame her one bit. But my Old Man, well......he left the RAF 15 years ago, but is still in the mentality that everything should be done for him, that a female counterpart exists solely to cater to his whims. No wonder the poor bloke's been ditched by 3 women since Mom left. And he's never been able to accept the fact he's *whispers* GETTING OLDER. So every one of his g/f's has been significantly younger'n him. The last one was, well, my ex best mate from college, who I'd known since we were 11. Now people got really freaked about that - hah, they'd be even more freaked if they knew he started seeing her when she was 14, not 16, as they all assumed. Oops! Needless to say, the **** hit the fan when he told me and the family - I blame him (and her) as being one of the main catalysts for my anorexia. But let's not get bitter now :p:

Well, she buggered off earlier this year for a younger man anyway, thank the Lord. And dear old Dad still can't quite accept the fact he's nearing 50. Still plays his guitar with my little brother, still prats around with younger men on his motorbike, still only keeps in contact with me when I'm well and doing ok for myself. When I was in hospital with anorexia, well, let's just say it was his ex g/f who got him to come visit me, not fatherly emotions. Bless.

My father figure, then? No one. Coz I still love my Dad, unconditionally, for all his youthful aspirations and "fairweather" tendencies. I'm a total mug, really....but blood's still thicker than water.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

lolly83

I remember him when I was a kid before the divorce, and that's my father figure.
So memories of my father form my father figure, and my father at the moment is a mild acquaintance at best.
Confusing.
Any one that has more luck than me figuring this out please let me know!

Me too. My Dad left us when I was about 13 (I have blocked it out so I think I think I was 13) and then he came back after a year of not speeking to us. But instead of talking to Mum, he found me and my brother and spent the day "talking" to us and explaining what he had done... it wasn't good, and then he contacted Mum. Me and my brother had to cope with Mums depression for the next year, she was almost bed bound. I'm still in contact with our dad but I see him as a diferent person.

The only parent figure I have is a teacher but I think most of it is in my head. I'm now off to Uni and am not sure if I should stay in contact with the teacher as I think emailing the teacher will confuse me even more. Sorry I went under anon but this is the first time I have mentioned anything about my parents since the divorce and I really don't want anyone I know knowing that it was me that posted this.

Reply 12

tanusha-tomsk

OP

18

Kerrit, I didn't think I needed one either :rolleyes:

Until I happend to feel that way about someone and realised that yes I do need a father figure and felt how much I missed out on (although I didn't ever feel like I was missing out when growing up.

Being Anon is cool, Anon1 :smile:

Stay in coctact with that teacher if he doesn't mind - a few people I know will stay in contact with some of their teachers anyway, but for a different reason than me :redface:

Reply 13

KerriT

9

I don't know whether it's too late to feel that though? What older men am I going to be around, lecturers? I think it would be nice to have a father figure but I think it's too late now.

Reply 14

Sazarina88

11

KerriT

I don't know whether it's too late to feel that though? What older men am I going to be around, lecturers? I think it would be nice to have a father figure but I think it's too late now.

I wouldn't say it's too late. As long as both you and the father figure are happy and comfortable with the roles then what's the problem?

Reply 15

Anonymous #2

I dont really have one, and i wish i had. The women in my life have been fantastic and were all very close and i love them to pieces, but i think its great to have a male perspective, and it feels like every single man in my life has rejected me.

My parents were never together, and when i met my father at age twelve he was less than enthusiastic and when i was about eighteen he spoke frankly and told me he didnt know why we bothered with a few coffee dates every year. My grandfather was quite blunt too and told me he could never love me as much as his daughters, and my stepfather, who i do get on very well with as a friend during one conversation said he "liked" me loads- not loved as his own child

I havent had a relationship with a man yet and im ancient at 21. They just dont seem interested, and i think i choose the wrong ones because im looking for a protector or something else wrong... Oh well. Whats another year or two

Reply 16

Profesh

20

I am, I suppose.

Reply 17

tanusha-tomsk

OP

18

KerriT

I don't know whether it's too late to feel that though? What older men am I going to be around, lecturers? I think it would be nice to have a father figure but I think it's too late now.

I don't think it can ever be too late really, I mean it's never too late to be a daddy's girl is it? You probably admire some of your lectures already. Wait till you start imagining what it would be like to have him as a father :p:

That's when you know you're close to finding one :smile:

I had just turned 17 when I started to feel that way, when I was least expecting to. :hugs:

Reply 18

tanusha-tomsk

OP

18

CelenaGaia

I still have my bio father and still love him to bits. However...the poor guy's never been able to be more than a "fairweather" father as it were. He was in the RAF from age 18, met my mom there (17years old) and they got hitched. My older came along out of the blue, so Mom's RAF career was effectively zapped. She stayed at home (Germany, then) - Dad got to scoot off all over Europe, wherever he got posted, only came home every few months. Then I came along, 3 years later. So Mom was stuck at home with 2 lil brats who hated each others' guts (3 year age gap, got to be the worse one between sisters) while he toddled off all over the joint. Thing is, he never really got over that ideal - he was brought up, by my grandparents (who have rather Victorian ideals themselves) to believe that the "Mommy stayed at home, did everything for Daddy and the kiddies, had no life of her own; Daddy was the main breadwinner, worked hard, but as soon as he came home did exactly ZILCH to help Mommy." Hench why Mom left him five years ago! Don't blame her one bit. But my Old Man, well......he left the RAF 15 years ago, but is still in the mentality that everything should be done for him, that a female counterpart exists solely to cater to his whims. No wonder the poor bloke's been ditched by 3 women since Mom left. And he's never been able to accept the fact he's *whispers* GETTING OLDER. So every one of his g/f's has been significantly younger'n him. The last one was, well, my ex best mate from college, who I'd known since we were 11. Now people got really freaked about that - hah, they'd be even more freaked if they knew he started seeing her when she was 14, not 16, as they all assumed. Oops! Needless to say, the **** hit the fan when he told me and the family - I blame him (and her) as being one of the main catalysts for my anorexia. But let's not get bitter now :p:

Well, she buggered off earlier this year for a younger man anyway, thank the Lord. And dear old Dad still can't quite accept the fact he's nearing 50. Still plays his guitar with my little brother, still prats around with younger men on his motorbike, still only keeps in contact with me when I'm well and doing ok for myself. When I was in hospital with anorexia, well, let's just say it was his ex g/f who got him to come visit me, not fatherly emotions. Bless.

My father figure, then? No one. Coz I still love my Dad, unconditionally, for all his youthful aspirations and "fairweather" tendencies. I'm a total mug, really....but blood's still thicker than water.

Your life sounds like a movie :p:

I think it's amazing that you feel that way about him, and sounds like you always will, whatever happens. I guess he's lucky too, to have a daughter who can look at the bigger picture and love him. :hugs:

Reply 19

tanusha-tomsk

OP

18

Anonymous

I dont really have one, and i wish i had. The women in my life have been fantastic and were all very close and i love them to pieces, but i think its great to have a male perspective, and it feels like every single man in my life has rejected me.

My parents were never together, and when i met my father at age twelve he was less than enthusiastic and when i was about eighteen he spoke frankly and told me he didnt know why we bothered with a few coffee dates every year. My grandfather was quite blunt too and told me he could never love me as much as his daughters, and my stepfather, who i do get on very well with as a friend during one conversation said he "liked" me loads- not loved as his own child

I havent had a relationship with a man yet and im ancient at 21. They just dont seem interested, and i think i choose the wrong ones because im looking for a protector or something else wrong... Oh well. Whats another year or two

May be you haven't met your "Dad" because your biological Dad is still there, in your life, whichever way? I'd find it difficult. I guess I'm lucky that I have a borther who's only a year younger, is my best friend and partner in everything I do so I had at least one stable relationship with a guy (well, a baby, a toddler, a little boy, a guy and now a man :p:

) throughout my life. May be your friend's Dad, or a teacher, or someone like that? Someone you makes you think "Her Dad is really nice, I wish I had a Dad like him!". May be you just didn't realise it? Oh, and 21 isn't old, as I said, never too late to be a Daddy's girl :rolleyes:

To those without Fathers - who, if anyone, is your father-figure?

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