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Telling my bf about past abuse?

I was badly sexually abused as a child by my late father, but have had a lot of counselling, therapy e.t.c to help move on from it. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years ( since i was 16), and he loves and respects me and I him. However, I have never felt comfortable having a physical relationship with him....we havent gone further than kissing. I have never told him about the abuse, but I now feel ready to start thinking about having sex with him, and I know that I would need to tell him. I am worried as to how he would react, if he would be able to keep it form my family who are unaware of what went on, and I am just generally worried about having to talk it through with him. Its quite easy to talk to some one who you never have to see again such as a psychologist, but telling someone you love is really hard!Any tipe, thought, or comments, would be gratefully recieved...i know what i need to do, but i am so scared of doing it!

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Reply 1
Honestly, I can't think of a single guy who would feel anything other than closer to you for you having trusted him with this.
yep of course! i was too sexually abused by someone in my childhood and want to share it with someone but am not close to any1 enough to spill out.. i think its better to let it out to him if u feel close to him rather than keeping it in ur mind forever as it eats u up. its ur decision at the end. follow ur heart
Reply 3

Yep, after 4 years you probably should in case he is wondering that there is something wrong.

He probably knows already, just wants you to tell him
Reply 4
I think you should tell him. It will help him understand you better and like mr god said, it will only make him love you more. It wont be easy but i promise you wont regret it and he will appreciate you opening up to him more than you'l ever know. Also, it could actually help you deal with it and help you deal with your intimacy issues. Good luck.
Reply 5
having been on the receiving end of similar info more than once, ive seen how difficult it is for someone in ur position to talk about it, and i cant imagine any (decent) guy not a) feeling closer to you and b) not respecting how sensitive a topic it is. Either way though, if youve been with him for 4 years and do love him, you need to be able to tell and trust him with it.

also, if in 4 years you still havent got passed kissing, id be suprised if he hasnt been wondering
Reply 6
NickNack
having been on the receiving end of similar info more than once, ive seen how difficult it is for someone in ur position to talk about it, and i cant imagine any (decent) guy not a) feeling closer to you and b) not respecting how sensitive a topic it is. Either way though, if youve been with him for 4 years and do love him, you need to be able to tell and trust him with it.

also, if in 4 years you still havent got passed kissing, id be suprised if he hasnt been wondering

quite frankly, im surprised he is still with you.

which is a very good sign.

im sure he will be very understanding and supportive.

good luck!
Reply 7
Mr.God
Honestly, I can't think of a single guy who would feel anything other than closer to you for you having trusted him with this.


Awh, that was so sweetly said! :smile:
Reply 8
notts
quite frankly, im surprised he is still with you.

which is a very good sign.

im sure he will be very understanding and supportive.

good luck!

lol i know were a dying breed, but theres still a few of us decent guys around
Mr.God
Honestly, I can't think of a single guy who would feel anything other than closer to you for you having trusted him with this.

Wholeheartedly seconded.
Mr.God
Honestly, I can't think of a single guy who would feel anything other than closer to you for you having trusted him with this.

:ditto:

He must love you for being with you for 4 years and going no further than kissing. As long as hes a decent guy (which Im sure he is) this can only make you closer :smile::hugs: good luck with telling him :hugs:
Anonymous
yep of course! i was too sexually abused by someone in my childhood and want to share it with someone but am not close to any1 enough to spill out.. i think its better to let it out to him if u feel close to him rather than keeping it in ur mind forever as it eats u up. its ur decision at the end. follow ur heart


You spilt it out to tens of random people, though.
The only 'worry' you could possibly have is if he says 'why didn't you tell me before', which is when you'd say 'I find it hard to tell anyone'. That's hardly a worry as you've been with him for 4 years as it is.

He'll be happy that you told him because of the amount of trust that is required in you for him to tell him that and you'll be happy you got it off your chest.

Remember, tell him at a good time. Only you'll know when that time has come :smile:
Reply 13
Aphrodite

He must love you for being with you for 4 years and going no further than kissing. As long as hes a decent guy (which Im sure he is) this can only make you closer :smile::hugs: good luck with telling him :hugs:

:ditto:
Reply 14
The fact you have only kissed for 4 years show you have a meaningful relationship, and the guy seems like a well decent bloke who is happy with this.

If it was me, I would like to know the reason, if a girl told me what you want to say after 4 years, I would think wow she really trusts me, and be sure to take things at her pace.


Tell him, you seem you got a good thing going and it will bring you closer..
Reply 15
Thanky ou all for being so lovely! You have no idea how reassuring it is! And yes...I think he does have some idea...I can't see him holding back for four years otherwise either!
hes been with you for four years with no sex ata ll, after smething like that and hes not sleeping with other people the guys a saint i thik you can trust him with this
Reply 17
I am so so sorry for what happened to you, but why wont you tell your family? If something like that had happened to any of my family members, I would want to know. I'm not trying to make you feel uncomfortable. If you have brothers or sisters, chances are your father probably hurt them too. You all need to talk to each other. Even if your family chooses to reject your story, you would be being honest. You'll do this when you're ready, I suppose. I'm here for you!
Reply 18
yep you should tell him, he'll understand you better for your honesty and will feel closer to you as well :smile:
Reply 19
NickNack
lol i know were a dying breed, but theres still a few of us decent guys around

yeh, im renowned for like, not expecting sex of girls and stuff.

but i dont think i could go 4 years without so much as a HJ.

so, this guy gets the thumbs up! definitely a top bloke.